Please i need help

Hello everyone i just want some help by the way English is not my first language so i apologize if i make any mistake about grammar just avoid it.

Me and my girlfriend are in a relationship since 3 years maybe more than it. First year i was the domination i was a jerk and acting bad while that she was like an angel then after first year i realized that the way i act was lack of maturity and nonsense. What is the purpose of being evil against someone i am in love and that she loves me back. Then i totally fixed myself against her and as more as i was being good and more while that she was turning evil and it was like we were changing the roles but the things she did, i never was that bad even that first year. And for last 1,5 years she was keep breaking up with me whenever she wanted i always begged her to stop. She blocked me maybe more than 100 times she always avoided me hours and when i tried to communcate with her she blamed me always. At the same time she was keep hanging up on my face all the time we were on phone. I had a god patience like its not even close. İ always carried this relationship. Even i did nothing i apologized always to fix things back. And she always promised me to not do same things again and she always broke it up. She said extremely awful horrible things each time we were fighting. And i swear i am too tired. İ became pathetic and always scared for her to leave me. İ am having a lof of stress already i am having hard times but i never showed her i forced myself and always said that i love her and i always did let her to reach me so easily. İ did these for her to be in peace in her mind. But i am too tired. She always finds excuses and always blames me and never cared this relationship as i did. After the first year she always did this. And we are i fight since a month and i can't handle it i am way tired and i dont know what to do. She never cared of us and me as i did.I am almost losing my mind i love her a lot and i want things to be fixed but i am really tired

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what can i do to make things fixed but its a lot of stress

oglcn94 wrote:what can i do to make things fixed but its a lot of stress

If the relationship is something you both truly want to work on, my suggestion is to set up some couple's counseling sessions. A licensed professional can help highlight the source of the stress, analyze, and realize strategies to address root cause.

If I understood right, you played the 'jerk' role for the first year, she played the 'angel' role, and while it worked, you eventually outgrew your role, and at around the same time, she switched to the 'jerk' role.

You also used the word 'domination' and for better or worse, some people are attracted to others who take the lead, yes, even confuse being a domineering jerk with strength, leadership, potential for success and so on. Perhaps confuse is not the best word either, as there is something to that belief, but anyway...

I am guessing there is no going back for you, to your previous role, and so the tough problem then is, is she ready (or will she ever be ready) for the type of relationship you need now? A more equitable one. For whatever it's worth I think it's normal enough that even dominate types grow weary, and seek a place of refuse in their romantic relationship, especially if that relationship is 'home', the one potentially safe/peaceful place in their life.

The main thing is to be true to how you really feel. It's the only part you have control over. Her part is up to her.