Is my ex-boyfriend histrionic?

Hi all, I'm having some trouble figuring out if my ex is disordered. I suppose it doesn't matter so much now that we've broken up, but the breakup was very recent (a few days ago) and I feel this would help me to understand where and how things went wrong.

We were together for five months. At first, the things I really liked about him were that he was always happy, smiley, and seemed very lighthearted. He was fun and easy to be around, he seemed calm and sweet and very funny. I found him absolutely gorgeous, though he seemed to have somewhat low self-esteem -- he would use self-deprecating humor to talk about all the ways in which he felt insecure about his physical appearance, ie he thought he needed to work out more or didn't like his smile or this or that, little things he would draw attention to about the ways in which he felt unattractive. He also said that he had very little sexual experience, and that I was his first girlfriend in five years (we are both in our late 20s) and only his second ever sexual partner. He had an extremely low sex drive -- he would make me feel like sex was a favor he was doing for me and he really didn't seem to have any enthusiasm for it at all (although it was always very good when it did happen). Sometimes he would go for two days straight without texting me or making any contact with me at all. This really upset me, but I never said anything about it because I didn't want to appear needy.
He has several histrionic traits that I can identify: extremely theatrical and over-dramatic affect (we both work in the performing arts, so at first this didn't seem unusual to me) and flamboyant; he is very loud and commands all the attention in the room to the point where he gets visibly upset if he is not the center of attention (he once got visibly upset--though he covered it with humor--when he was losing a board game with me and my friends); at first I wouldn't have said he was sexually provocative but he did seem to be flirting with my friend's boyfriend to a degree that made me (and her, and her boyfriend) uncomfortable -- it is possible he is bi or gay and hiding it from me (or from himself). I once flat-out asked him if he was gay and he calmly responded, "No." But his response was so calm, I thought the question should have surprised him more?
After we had been together two months, he asked if he could spend Thanksgiving with my family. I thought it was too soon, but he made me feel guilty so I relented. He came to Thanksgiving, and he was bent on "getting along with everybody" -- he went out of his way to have a conversation with literally every member of my (very large) family and to make absolutely sure they liked him. He worked tirelessly to make it happen, and kept telling me in advance how important it is for him to "get along with everyone" -- in fact, this happened on a few different occasions, and he seemed to have an obsession with being liked and accepted by others. He tried very hard to get close to the people who were close to me, to the point where it felt like he cared more about getting them to like him than he did about me and our relationship. At first I interpreted this as him actually caring about me, but it quickly got out of hand.
I can also now see that he has a problem with binge drinking: every week or two he would go out and get absolutely hammered, usually he would drunk dial me and I would find it amusing but I didn't see what a problem it was until we spent New Year's together and he just wouldn't stop. He can abstain from alcohol for days (possibly weeks) at a time, but once he starts drinking, he just cannot stop. The final blow came when he binge drank on New Year's and really upset me in the process. The next day I tried to talk about it with him in a calm voice and communicate to him how much he had hurt my feelings. He completely ignored me, refused to apologize, and wouldn't accept any responsibility for his actions. The next day he broke up with me because I was "being really negative lately."
He was also incredibly over-emotional -- we once saw a sad movie together and he sobbed dramatically for 20 minutes after we left the theater. He cried, "All I want to do is go home and go to sleep now!" until I drove him home.
Right before he broke up with me, he had a long conversation with my mother where he insisted he "cared very deeply" about me and that I was "very important" to him. He grilled her for intimate details about me and my youth and all this information that he wouldn't have needed if he had been intending to break up with me the next day all along. I don't understand it.
I have no idea what to think and for the past few days I have been feeling very hurt -- even if I was "being negative," umm excuse me for having a full range of human emotion and not just being artificially happy all the time? He did something that really hurt my feelings and he wouldn't even listen to me when I tried to tell him how his actions made me feel. It just really upsets me. Any thoughts on this? Thanks in advance.

He sounds like quite the character. Nevertheless, we can't diagnose people here - it's against the forum rules. To answer your question, your ex would need to see a psychologist.

sunshineNrainbows wrote:He sounds like quite the character. Nevertheless, we can't diagnose people here - it's against the forum rules. To answer your question, your ex would need to see a psychologist.

Yeah, I got that part. It is very explicitly stated in several places on the website. What I came here hoping to find out is whether other people here have had experiences with partners or friends who have similar personality types and if his behavior sounds consistent with HPD or with something else.

I will say thank you for posting your story in such a clear and concise manner.

Yes, I relate to some of it -- you seem to just want some assurance that what you're experiencing is a condition with him, rather than a reflection on you, and that is normal.

What you got from this fellow was a wide range of drama and emotion, and certainly enough to keep you quite interested in him. But, from what you've communicated, he does not appear to be a "stable" person whatsoever. At all! I would try not to take the break-up too personally for that reason.

Hello, I am new on this, and i would like to share my experience with a HPD person, But i dont know if i have to start a new forum or can i use this one. Thank you,