My Boyfriend Has a Porn Addiction

So let me just start this off by saying that this is going to be really long but I need some assistance. I'm a girl confused about my live-in-boyfriend's porn problem, how more cliche can I get? I don't know what to do and thats why I decided to actually post something in forums for the first time in my life.

I've been dating my significant other for about 5 or 6 months now (knowing each other for years before dating and moving in together) and things have been going pretty well other than a few, uh, issues I have. He's been totally watching porn excessively. It's not like I have a problem with him self full-filling himself or anything either (that'd be crazy), it's just the way he goes about it that drives me crazy. I know it shouldn't be any of my business but when you live with someone for as long as we've been its about impossible not to notice.

Now, I dont have a problem with porn at all. I watch porn, everyone watches porn. What really gets to me is the amount of porn and the fact that he doesn't just watch "regular" porn but he uses chat websites which makes me way more uncomfortable than I would like.

We have sex every day, he ALWAYS gets oral sex before we have sex, we're always trying new things, etc. Everything a guy could ever dream, I do. I don't have a problem doing these things either, I love it just as much as he does and it helps that he loves me as much as I love him. It makes the sex special as well as amazing. So what hurts me is that I don't understand why he feels the need or urge to be using sex chatting websites and cam websites.

We've talked about it and he understands my feelings about the whole thing and swears to change yet he continues as if nothing. I hate to feel like im nagging or being a prude or trying to control him but this really hurts and takes quite a dig at my self esteem even if it shouldnt. I feel inadequate at this point. I know he's trying to stop but that doesnt stop the burn in my chest and my non-stop anxiety about the whole situation.

I just need some kind of help or advice, I don't want to end an otherwise good relationship over something as ridiculous as this. Should I be taking him with a grain of salt? Should I be learning how to cope with this addiction he has or try talking to him about it again?? I just dont know what to do anymore, but what I do know is that it really hurts and that's what I want to go
away more than anything, the hurt. (I also want to try to figure this out before it gets worse and there's nothing either of us can do about it)

"I don't want to end an otherwise good relationship over something as ridiculous as this."
You yourself said it!

If everything is going on smoothly, what is your problem? In other words, as long as his addiction is not creating any problem either to him or to you, tolerate it. Cross the bridge when you come to it. You can always object when it starts becoming a problem. Till then be patient. Take care you don't become the problem. That is my advice.

tombtravel wrote: So what hurts me is that I don't understand why he feels the need or urge to be using sex chatting websites and cam websites.

Because that's what his addiction consists of. It makes him - how shall we put this - 'happy.'

We've talked about it and he understands my feelings about the whole thing and swears to change yet he continues as if nothing.

Yep, that'll be right. Because his addiction, no matter what, will come first, until he's truly ready to change - when he's finally had enough. It's no different to alcoholism or drug addiction in that respect.

Sorry you're going through this. It's obviously a tough time.

The better question to ask is, "what role does porn play in his life? Can I do anything to help him get over this addiction?" Addiction isn't something that is going to go away permanently just because somebody else wants the addiction to stop. If you want him to stop the addiction permanently, then you need to answer the two questions I posited above and plan out a strategy. From the sound of the post, you haven't discussed with him the reason why he watch porn excessively. A good starting point is to have a frank conversation with him about it. Once you understand the nature of the problem you can tackle it together as a couple (provided that your boyfriend is INTERESTED in getting rid of his addiction). Hope that helped.

Until it has consequences and causes him problems, there is little incentive for him to seek help for his addiction. He can't do it alone or while he's living in his head.
Usually the thrill-seeking of interactive sex chat is progressive and will get worse as the bar is raised and new levels of thrill are sought.
It seems like this has reached a breaking point for you and something has to happen. 'Waiting it out' is likely not an option for you and his seeking help may not happen. It is kind of like asking an alcoholic to drink less.
Maybe some counseling for ideas and therapy is possible?
Best of luck to you.