What is this??? *may trigger*

um... because he has threatened to rape you, and beat you... That is why you might consider getting a restraining order. When he said "Even if I never empty it, it still remains true." He was implying that he does not intend to ever have you come back over anyway, so even if he never empties it, you still will never see it.

He is a jerk. This is simple. He intentionally is treating you very badly. I do question why you keep on insisting that you have a relationship with him. You are almost beginning to sound like a stalker yourself. He has very clearly communicated to you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. You really need to go find something better to spend your time on at this point.

sarahwpen wrote:um... because he has threatened to rape you, and beat you... That is why you might consider getting a restraining order. When he said "Even if I never empty it, it still remains true." He was implying that he does not intend to ever have you come back over anyway, so even if he never empties it, you still will never see it.

He is a jerk. This is simple. He intentionally is treating you very badly. I do question why you keep on insisting that you have a relationship with him. You are almost beginning to sound like a stalker yourself. He has very clearly communicated to you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. You really need to go find something better to spend your time on at this point.

There wasn't going to be a relationship. That was clear from the start. I wasn't expecting one as such, however we talked for 6 months and met 3 times in person. If he never wanted even further communication because after all that is what we would be doing/having, i.e. communicating then, he could have said so in my face. We were just sending those whatsapp messages 10 days after I returned from visiting him. He had never told me in my face we would never see each other again. In fact, I left his place on the 16th of August and we never talked whether we would see each other again. Then on those whatsapp messages he goes in a nasty and twisted way telling me how he will never meet me again (using the bins and emptying them before I come back) because according to him I interfere with his social network and push him out of his comfort zone. Then it is when I told him he might not meet me because I interfere with his social network but that I won't meet him cause I don't meet beaters. Just at that moment he blocks me.

It is not stalking. It is asking someone you have dedicated 6 months and have met 3 times (the last time 10 days before this happened) that he at the very least tells you that he doesn't want it and not using whtasapp to tell you he won't meet you again by using mind games and twisted sentences to then call you illiterate, stupid and slow on the uptake and to finally laugh at you when I told him about the raping and him saying "or bondage, or fisting or gagging" and to then block me. It is not stalking. It is wanting to be told in the face

hurtingbadly wrote:It is not stalking. It is asking someone you have dedicated 6 months and have met 3 times (the last time 10 days before this happened) that he at the very least tells you that he doesn't want it and not using whtasapp to tell you he won't meet you again by using mind games and twisted sentences to then call you illiterate, stupid and slow on the uptake and to finally laugh at you when I told him about the raping and him saying "or bondage, or fisting or gagging" and to then block me. It is not stalking. It is wanting to be told in the face

3 years ago I was shocked/confused/baffled/bewildered/devastated that my Cluster B wife of almost 6 years took my children, left town, filed for divorce, vilified me with everyone she knew, and then smeared campaigned me in court while painting herself as a victim. They believed the lies, and I got completely screwed. Today I look back on the whole mess as the equivalent of emotional rape. Of course I didn't know she had a disorder at the time. I found that out later. To this day I would love to hear any form of apology. But the majority of me knows it's never going to happen. Some people deal with their own issues by pretending the issues and the people that remind them of those issues don't exist..... essentially repeating the phrase "It couldn't possibly be me, so it must be them". Those people are hindering their own growth, and leaving a huge trail of confusion behind them.

The best we can do is move on, learn from the experience, and ensure we don't get hoovered back into a place we've already determined we don't want to be. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

sarahwpen wrote:um... because he has threatened to rape you, and beat you... That is why you might consider getting a restraining order. When he said "Even if I never empty it, it still remains true." He was implying that he does not intend to ever have you come back over anyway, so even if he never empties it, you still will never see it.

He is a jerk. This is simple. He intentionally is treating you very badly. I do question why you keep on insisting that you have a relationship with him. You are almost beginning to sound like a stalker yourself. He has very clearly communicated to you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. You really need to go find something better to spend your time on at this point.

He didn't threaten me with raping me. He did threaten with beating me though when he told me that in order for me to understand he would have to beat me next time.

Out of the blue when I was at his place he said that my brother in law, who had called him months before to tell him that the way he was treating me was unacceptable, had accused him of raping women. I did not understand why he was suddenly saying this plus my brother in law had never accused him of that (in fact I asked my brother in law and I do believe him). By coincidence, the night before he had grabbed me in a rough way and I told him he was hurting me a bit and to please stop. He didn't stop. There were no comments about it between him and me. Next morning he came up with the comment that my brother in law had accused him of raping women and I was lost. I really didn't know what he meant or what he was implying. I didn't even know why he was bringing up the subject of "rape".

Then one day after my visit to him while we were chatting he asked me to watch the scene where Angelina Jolie's wings are cut off in Maleficient movie. I didn't have a clue what that was about but I googled it and I saw how that particular scene represents rape. Then he added "mind, I never cut off your wings"

What does this mean???? what was he implying???

Hi hurtingbadly,

I think you may be looking for meaning where there isn't anymore meaning. Sometimes an abusive person is just what they seem to be. Sure, they can put on a good show of being kind when they want something (usually sex or money), but once they get what they want, their true colors come out. Thing is, the abused partner hangs in there then for various reasons such as:

You want to believe there is more depth to the person.

You want to believe that if you can just get through to them, they will change, go back to being who they pretended to be at first.

A belief that if a person is hard to get, if you can fix them, or 'crack their code', that somehow they'll end up being a good long term partner.

To try and salvage our egos because it feels like the abusive person must have a hell of a strong ego to be so blatantly abusive, to have so easily damaged our self-esteem, so we may feel compelled to compete and keep-up with them, to prove we are just as strong.

Because on some level you are struggling with your own issues, and though you don't necessarily want to be hurt, a part of you is attracted to abuse (figuring out why requires a lot of introspection).

Other reasons.

Let me ask this... he has shown you how he is. What more do you need to know about him to feel at peace that you know enough?

xdude wrote:Hi hurtingbadly,

I think you may be looking for meaning where there isn't anymore meaning. Sometimes an abusive person is just what they seem to be. Sure, they can put on a good show of being kind when they want something (usually sex or money), but once they get what they want, their true colors come out. Thing is, the abused partner hangs in there then for various reasons such as:

You want to believe there is more depth to the person.

You want to believe that if you can just get through to them, they will change, go back to being who they pretended to be at first.

A belief that if a person is hard to get, if you can fix them, or 'crack their code', that somehow they'll end up being a good long term partner.

To try and salvage our egos because it feels like the abusive person must have a hell of a strong ego to be so blatantly abusive, to have so easily damaged our self-esteem, so we may feel compelled to compete and keep-up with them, to prove we are just as strong.

Because on some level you are struggling with your own issues, and though you don't necessarily want to be hurt, a part of you is attracted to abuse (figuring out why requires a lot of introspection).

Other reasons.

Let me ask this... he has shown you how he is. What more do you need to know about him to feel at peace that you know enough?

He has shown me how he is but the same on a Saturday morning he was telling me next time he would have to beat me, he was hours later holding my hand and hugging me.That is what is confusing. That is why I don't know exactly how he is.

And are they like this with everyone? because how he can be telling me he is hostile, insatiable, impatient, sex and online addict, he told me nearly everytime he slept with other women and then on the other hand, he hides all this information from his gf because he says he doesn't want to hurt her and he doesn't want her to ever know (that he is cheating on her). How can he be cruel with me but not her? My understanding is that if someone is evil he should be evil with everyone...

I think more likely is he perceives his GF as a different role in his life, that he is getting other things from her, such as security, maybe financial reasons, emotional support, etc., so he doesn't want to jeopardize (i.e., lose that), though arguably if that's the case, that is abusive, just a different form.

xdude wrote:I think more likely is he perceives his GF as a different role in his life, that he is getting other things from her, such as security, maybe financial reasons, emotional support, etc., so he doesn't want to jeopardize (i.e., lose that), though arguably if that's the case, that is abusive, just a different form.

So why does he cheat on her constantly then? if he seems to love her

-- Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:36 pm --

xdude wrote:I think more likely is he perceives his GF as a different role in his life, that he is getting other things from her, such as security, maybe financial reasons, emotional support, etc., so he doesn't want to jeopardize (i.e., lose that), though arguably if that's the case, that is abusive, just a different form.

Also, every time he talked about his relationship with gf he always talked negatively. That he was sick of it, that she wants to get married and he doesn't, that they break up every day, that they fight, that she spies on him on his activity on whatsapp, that they have different expectations, that she is simple minded, that she is too stupid to get a visa and job to go to his country, that when they were on holidays they were fighting all the time....I mean, then what is he doing with her??? not sure this is giving him emotional support......

This is not about his rship with his gf. Whatever he does with her and what she puts up with its their business. I think its important to see through a persons actions and what they say, even if they dont clearly state ''i dont want you, now or ever, in any way''.

There are 1000 clues in your convos as to how he does not care a bit for you or want to do with you. He only talked to you because he was bored at that time or whatevers. And you gave him exactly what he wanted. Everyone here gave you solid advice so its up to you whether you take it or leave it.

Im-pure wrote:This is not about his rship with his gf. Whatever he does with her and what she puts up with its their business. I think its important to see through a persons actions and what they say, even if they dont clearly state ''i dont want you, now or ever, in any way''.

There are 1000 clues in your convos as to how he does not care a bit for you or want to do with you. He only talked to you because he was bored at that time or whatevers. And you gave him exactly what he wanted. Everyone here gave you solid advice so its up to you whether you take it or leave it.

6 months talking to me because he was bored??? that is a bit too long