Overreaction or not??

My boyfriend and I recently moved in with each other. Im 35 he's 45.
He is a divorced (for 4.5 years-nasty battle) father of 2. We moved to a new place, in order for both of us to move forward. Him moving out of the home he had built for his, then, family, and I moving to a new city.
He had casually, yet exclusively, been dating a woman (we will call her "X") for a year prior to our coupling. He was not in love, and showed very little interest in her as more than an occasional date etc. She was way more into him... As we women can be.They were able to bond, as they were both in the same sort of divorce/custody situation. She was his first relationship since his marriage. He also liked that his kids had playmates, though he always felt something was amiss.
He ended things with her, and we made things official. (NO CHEATING)

Fast forward to now .... We have been blissful in our new neighborhood, Until this past weekend.
We had his kids, his youngest comes to me and asks me if "X's"kids are home. Shocked, I asked her what she was talking about. She repeated, and said she would like to go play, and now they live 4 houses down. I told her I did not know "X" and she would have to ask her dad.
Needless to say, I was beyond pissed. He and I had a little conversation about it. Turns out he knew for over 2 weeks and neglected to tell me. He said that she texted him "surprise, I live 4 doors down" or something like that, and that he never responded.He said he was shocked and confused, but it meant so little to him that he didn't think it was something to talk about. THEN, She, "X", took it upon herself to approach the children at their mutual gymnastics school while they were with their mother, and tell them that she would be moving to our street. My boyfriend had no idea that she did this until the kids said something to him. He was less than pleased about this.
I should add, that she fought tooth and nail to keep him even after he told her no and that he did not love her. She has approached him on multiple occasions after the fact about getting the kids together, yada,yada. Her kids are now involved in the same activities as his, though different levels. He rarely sees her, but his Ex Wife is always at the activities.

Apparently, she knew the developer, and asked if that was in fact my boyfriends car. He confirmed, and, boom, she moved in. That is a whole other privacy issue.

My thoughts: I will not stay in a relationship with no trust, he is of the understanding that if anything like this happens again, I will leave. To me, neglecting to say something, is just as good as lying.
I do not believe for a second that this was a coincidence. It's too weird. I think she knew where we lived (She knows about me and that I moved) and sought us out.
I feel weird about the kids maintaining a relationship with her kids, she has previously used the kids to try to underhandedly combine the families. I also feel terrible about forcing them to not have these kids as friends. I feel like I am on constant watch.
I feel insecure about the whole thing, like I lost my forward momentum on the way to happily ever after.
I signed up for the Ex-wife and 2 kids, not a stalking ex girlfriend.

My Questions: Am I totally overreacting? Am I obsessing over a situation that could totally be an innocent coincidence? What should I do? I don't want to start being a tyrant and forcing my BF to tell me every detail, but I just can't shake the feeling that something is VERY wrong. I don't know what I think, but I don't think he is cheating. Does anyone else think this is nuts, and think that I should be really concerned that the ex-girlfriend surprisingly moved in 4 doors down?
I am pretty sure it's my own insecurity... But how the heck do I handle this without looking like the crazy one? And how do I keep an open conversation with him, without making him feel like I am accusing him?

My advice is based on a "man perspective".

You are not over-reacting. You are typical female. Your reaction is natural so far. So, be on control and do not press the trigger.
Your man sounds very good and of good personality. I may be wrong and you see better as you live in the middle of his farm. He is caught in the middle of an embarassing situation. He probably is too decent to shout at her and tell her to get lost. Probably he was too scared to open the subject with you earlier for fear of your anger and jealousy. Remember he got bonds with her children as well his own kids. If she decided to live few doors from you, then this is not coincident or natural but true nightmare that needs to be discussed with heart to heart but without over reaction.

Your heart and instinct are your guide and compass.

Ashes134+ wrote:He had casually, yet exclusively, been dating a woman (we will call her "X") for a year prior to our coupling. He was not in love, and showed very little interest in her as more than an occasional date etc. She was way more into him... As we women can be.

I'm curious about this. I've only had the experience of a woman being "way more into" me once, and it was a bit uncomfortable at times. Otherwise, I used to be a "puppy dog", trying to please women in hopes of them falling in love with me. Is it really a woman thing, or is it just that some people want to have a relationship and will try really hard to hold on?

As for your overall problem, I think it's a concern and you need to make sure he knows where you stand. It's OK for you to be neighbors and for the kids to play together, but it needs to stay at that level. You also need to let him know that it wasn't OK for him to keep it from you for two weeks. It wasn't like this lady was suddenly going to move away when he didn't all of a sudden jump into bed with her.

Hi Ashes134+,

My 2 cent thoughts on your situation -

Ultimately you asked a few questions, including how can you win in this situation. Sometimes it's not possible to entirely win, so I agree with the suggestions to weigh what you know (versus what you suspect), and the value of your relationship before acting. That written...

Some situations are not so much about right/wrong as they are about what two people can live with. Since you are struggling with how to feel, a question if it's okay?

My question is how do you think he would react if the situation was reversed? Reverse everything so that it was an X of yours that moved nearby, you didn't tell him, and he found out indirectly. I understand there is no way to know for sure, but since you know him best you probably have some sense of how he'd feel about the whole situation.

If the answer is he'd be upset as well, I think then you have your answer that your feelings are as validated as they can be. If not, then it's something to think about as well.