Depressed & Ashamed.. He keeps bringing up the past

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we lived together for 2 years and a half. when we first started dating he was the nicest most generous person ever and he promised to marry me..he asked me to stop talking and end my friendships with some of my friends if i want him to marry me ( Girls and guys he thought were a bad influence )i i told him i did but i lied .. he found out i lied to him about not talking to the friends he hates and many other things he asked me to do .. i tried to change for him so many times and i was convinced that those people were a bad influence on me.. i am gonna admit it.. i lied to him about many things but i came clean and i had an honest conversation with him a few months ago and told him everything i did behind his back ( i never cheated ) just hiding the truth to avoid arguments and him changing his mind about marrying me. Now i moved back to my hometown just to prove to him that i wont see the people he hates or do the things he does not like or lie to him about it. i changed my number and all of my social media for him.. he told me that he will never marry me.. that when he decides to get married he will find someone else.. he doesn't believe that i will ever change and i am trying to prove to him that i am remorseful about lying to him.. he keeps reminding me of all the things i did.. all the times i got drunk with my friends ( he does not drink ) and keeps telling me that when he gets married he wants a good wife and a good mother to his children and that will never be me.. i feel awful and i am full of regrets.. i got depressed after the things he told me and i feel awful about my mistakes.. i actually thought about taking my own life coz the regret and blame is too much. i love him so much even though i know i should leave him alone and move on but i feel bad about making him lose his trust in me and i feel like i ruined something so amazing for nothing. we are in long distance now and he is very happy with the way things are but keeps telling me there is no future or marriage between us.. please tell me what to do

He's an overly controlling douchebag.