I don't know how or who to be?

I've never been to a mental health doc. Guy "friends" of mine...(who at one point have always tried to get into my pants) always joke how I am bipolar. I believe I fit the definition of borderline more. I can't seem to make or keep normal friends, girl friends. I'm always worried I appear crazy to others because I am always called crazy, whether joking or not, I have started to believe it.

My significant other, we have been together for 5yrs, a chaotic relationship. He calls me crazy too. I no longer trust myself, my feelings or thoughts, and I don't know how to act or who to be. Instead most of the time I follow the direction of others. My SO and I are both 28yrs old. I'm unsure if we are in love, I feel very lonely a lot in the relationship. We live together yet say one sentence to each other all day, if we even speak. I also think that maybe the distance of not speaking/being busy with other activities, is another reason we have somehow managed to stay together so long.

My life at this point is the following:
friendless
almost completely familyless
goalless
I spend my days at a dead end job that I am familiar with, and during my free time I just mismanage my time, ie find diff ways to waste time.
my life is empty, lonely, boring
sometimes I think....what is wrong with me? are other peoples lives just as pointless as mine? where do they get the strength to continue it everyday being like this?

My question and topic is....how do I know if I'm really borderline? should I breakup with my bf and live alone like I have in the past? nothing makes me happy, and I feel forever alone. and I don't want to be alone.

Hey miranda,

We are not going to be able to diagnose you in this online forum. It is against the forum policy to diagnose people, but beyond that, it really just can't be done online. A diagnosis really does require speaking with a mental health professional, and likely more then one visit to talk about what is going on.

There is support available for people who have been diagnosed with (or believe they have) borderline personality disorder here - borderline-personality/

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to read through some of the threads there, ask questions, see if you can relate to what those with the disorder feel, though I'd be careful about self diagnosis too. There are many reasons a person can feel generally down, or disconnected.

Putting aside a diagnosis, may I ask why you've not spoken with a professional?