I've become my significant others sexual toy. Help!

Hello every one. I am new to this forum and apologize for the lengthy story. I just don't know any other way to make it shorter. I am a mess right now. I need closure.

I've been seeing my significant other for nearly a year. Initially when we met at work I was not interested in him although he was very attractive. Regardless of my disinterest in him he would buy me food and gifts, even when I would tell him he didn't need to. Complimenting my beauty to the point of worship. With time I fell for him and his showers of attention.

We got physical very early onto our relationship and I noticed that he couldn't get his hands off me. In public he would kiss me and be some what inappropriate sexually. Made me feel uncomfortable. At times people would even stare.

He was sweet and pursued me to no ends doing any thing it took to see me including running by foot when his car broke down mid street to meet me for dinner.

This continued for several months. I was supportive of him when he changed jobs and was not doing well financially. He admitted to me that he was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and indeed he is taking trazodone and cymbalta. I fell head over heals in love with him and he did too, so he would say.

The only thing I noticed was that he loved to talk about himself, past, present, and future yet when hearing about me or other people he loses focus and was not receptive much less a good listener.

He has a thing with his body being fit and he constantly talks about it and exercises excessively to the point of hurting himself. He came to my state with a baseball scholarship and "was" some kind of prodigy. I think he's bitter that it didn't take fruit.

Also when he is in groups of people he will brag to me about how they're all simple minded and how intellectually advanced he is in comparison to most people.

Two months ago he told me to check out his linkedin profile via search engine. I did and after I went back on Google and under his name were various sex sites he was a member of. Profiles requesting booty calls with women and bdsm. Profiles looking for trans-women as well. To my relief they were all created prior to meeting me and hadn't been updated in ages.

I approached him about these sites and he was calm about it and told me that indeed he created those profiles and that he had some fantasies that were just fantasies and that was his way during that period of time to get some release.

I tried to understand him and move forward. However, he didnt. Next day he didn't talk to me... days passed by, weeks passed by, nothing from him. Two weeks of no contact he messages me and calls me asking me for forgiveness crying, name calling himself for being embarrassed about what I found.

I told him it was alright, that I forgave him as long as he was open and communicative with me. He promised he would be. But all those promises were thrown into the wind.

Now I only see him if only two times a month and all we do is just have sex. He doesnt bother taking me out to dine or sight see like he used to. I feel devastated and unappreciated.

He will make promises and not fufill them. He doesn't text me or contact me and every thing is under his terms and when he can. If I complain about our lack of communication he ignores it or tells me that I'm out of control and have no self esteem.

Last time we were together he was telling me how he found out he enjoys going to watch movies alone. Even making jokes how attractive and what big breast his stylist had. That he got good taste in women from his father. How she stood him up for their appointment and how he had the right to request for her to cut his hair topless. Ignoring the fact that I was there in his bed.

After I left he told me he would call me.. but it's been 3 days and he hasn't contacted me. I contacted him today and he hasn't even responded me.

I am tired of this situation. I feel like I'm being used for sex and treated like I don't matter.

Any advice? Does his major depression take a part into the overall extremes of his personality? How do I go about moving on.. I think he doesn't care. I'm having a hard time coping. Help!

lily_rose wrote:Hello every one. I am new to this forum and apologize for the lengthy story. I just don't know any other way to make it shorter. I am a mess right now. I need closure.

I've been seeing my significant other for nearly a year. Initially when we met at work I was not interested in him although he was very attractive. Regardless of my disinterest in him he would buy me food and gifts, even when I would tell him he didn't need to. Complimenting my beauty to the point of worship. With time I fell for him and his showers of attention.

We got physical very early onto our relationship and I noticed that he couldn't get his hands off me. In public he would kiss me and be some what inappropriate sexually. Made me feel uncomfortable. At times people would even stare.

He was sweet and pursued me to no ends doing any thing it took to see me including running by foot when his car broke down mid street to meet me for dinner.

This continued for several months. I was supportive of him when he changed jobs and was not doing well financially. He admitted to me that he was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and indeed he is taking trazodone and cymbalta. I fell head over heals in love with him and he did too, so he would say.

The only thing I noticed was that he loved to talk about himself, past, present, and future yet when hearing about me or other people he loses focus and was not receptive much less a good listener.

He has a thing with his body being fit and he constantly talks about it and exercises excessively to the point of hurting himself. He came to my state with a baseball scholarship and "was" some kind of prodigy. I think he's bitter that it didn't take fruit.

Also when he is in groups of people he will brag to me about how they're all simple minded and how intellectually advanced he is in comparison to most people.

Two months ago he told me to check out his linkedin profile via search engine. I did and after I went back on Google and under his name were various sex sites he was a member of. Profiles requesting booty calls with women and bdsm. Profiles looking for trans-women as well. To my relief they were all created prior to meeting me and hadn't been updated in ages.

I approached him about these sites and he was calm about it and told me that indeed he created those profiles and that he had some fantasies that were just fantasies and that was his way during that period of time to get some release.

I tried to understand him and move forward. However, he didnt. Next day he didn't talk to me... days passed by, weeks passed by, nothing from him. Two weeks of no contact he messages me and calls me asking me for forgiveness crying, name calling himself for being embarrassed about what I found.

I told him it was alright, that I forgave him as long as he was open and communicative with me. He promised he would be. But all those promises were thrown into the wind.

Now I only see him if only two times a month and all we do is just have sex. He doesnt bother taking me out to dine or sight see like he used to. I feel devastated and unappreciated.

He will make promises and not fufill them. He doesn't text me or contact me and every thing is under his terms and when he can. If I complain about our lack of communication he ignores it or tells me that I'm out of control and have no self esteem.

Last time we were together he was telling me how he found out he enjoys going to watch movies alone. Even making jokes how attractive and what big breast his stylist had. That he got good taste in women from his father. How she stood him up for their appointment and how he had the right to request for her to cut his hair topless. Ignoring the fact that I was there in his bed.

After I left he told me he would call me.. but it's been 3 days and he hasn't contacted me. I contacted him today and he hasn't even responded me.

I am tired of this situation. I feel like I'm being used for sex and treated like I don't matter.

Any advice? Does his major depression take a part into the overall extremes of his personality? How do I go about moving on.. I think he doesn't care. I'm having a hard time coping. Help!

lily_rose,

You deserve so much better. It sounds to me, from what you've stated here, that you've let him get away with a lot. He's been disrespectful, arrogant, rude and downright selfish. I know it's easy for me to say these things, for me to say you should leave because I know you love him, but do you think he really loves you when he's talking about other women in a sexual way? Real love is appreciating someone and not feeling the need to speak of any other woman in romantic/sexual way. There are boundaries in a relationship and he's crossed the line. Regardless of his major depressive disorder, he shouldn't be treating you like this. What should you do? Talk to him. Explain to him how devastated you feel at how he's been with you. If he disregards your concerns then you know he's not worth it. If he's not prepared to change his ways you have your answer as to whether he really loves you or not. If he doesn't make the effort to alter his ways, for your own sanity and self-esteem - leave.

IF I were you; head to a therapist; have a chat with that therapist about this situation.

He does not sound like he is in any shape for a real relationship and a real person; he does not sound like a real person! He has major strange problems.

Sounds like Porn is his major interest and sex!

Sounds like he has little conscious!

Is he on drugs?

Thank you both for your responses.

I do feel at times as if he gets a kick out of being insensitive towards me. It's as if he has no integrity and some how he thinks that's perfectly fine. I know I have to kick him to the curb.

Omnicell, yes, he does have a past of Marijuana and psychodelics. He has been clean for months but when I met him he was actively smoking weed and he was well known for being a major pothead.

Hi lily,

It does seem like you've met someone who is very self-involved. Even self-involved people can come across as very romantic, intense, but sometimes that's because they are pursuing the their own fantasy image of someone else, and the idealized image of how they want to come across. It seems like once you found his other profiles that the fantasy image he had built fell apart and with that the dramatic change followed.

I am curious though. You wrote that originally you were not interested. Did you have any sense he was someone to avoid, or just a general lack of interest?

xdude wrote:Hi lily,

It does seem like you've met someone who is very self-involved. Even self-involved people can come across as very romantic, intense, but sometimes that's because they are pursuing the their own fantasy image of someone else, and the idealized image of how they want to come across. It seems like once you found his other profiles that the fantasy image he had built fell apart and with that the dramatic change followed.

I am curious though. You wrote that originally you were not interested. Did you have any sense he was someone to avoid, or just a general lack of interest?

Hello, xdude, thanks for the feedback. He is quite self absorbed and I think that you're onto something with him having created a fantasy image of who he was.. who I was and the relationship has dwindled down because I know things about him he wouldn't have wanted me to know.

He has not yet spoken to me and I think this time he wont. I just feel hurt by it because it's been a hell ride since I found those old profiles of his.

Originally when I saw him I felt indifferent because he was older than me and I assumed he was married with children. I hadn't had prior experience with older men and was accustomed to dating single guys my age so although attractive he was unfamiliar territory.... in a sense.

I would notice he would stare at me persistently and since we worked on call at work we would all have to exchange numbers and eventually he got mine and started trying to make short talk. Even then I was not interested but he started to bring me in food and gifts (we often had to work over nights) among other things as if trying to lure me in that way. Eventually I found him sweet and naively gave in.