Girlfriend told me her number after 4 months

DTalaska ~ dude ~ you are handling this so well. Ten thumbs-up from me!

DTalaska wrote:So I believe this relationship was a terrible one and one that she regrets. So that might be where the trauma came from. She is addament that is not the lifestyle she wants to live and she doesn't want to associate with any of those people from a couple years ago.

I think you are right on target. Amd the bad relationship with that guy most likely isn't her only bad experience. A HUGE percentage of female population has experienced trauma, whether sexual, emotional, etc, and the vast majority of us that have experienced trauma have experienced it again and again repeatedly, because we end up in repeating patterns of putting ourselves in the same situations that brings on that abuse. So there is a good chance it was just her "bad years" and truly has the desire to move past that stage.
If that is the case, this could very well be her way of dealing with her own guilt and shame for her behavior. (Even if she says she does not have guilt or shame, she may not recognize it, but there can be some dark feelings buried with those kinds of traumas.) The way she felt so "compelled" to tell you might indicate that this is part of her process of working through her own issues. By that I mean, maybe she's sort of doing her own kind of "therapy" in her head to try to work through this! If so, that is a good sign, and she would certainly benefit from some counseling!

DTalaska wrote:So I will go see the therapist first and if the therapist recommends I bring her in with me I will ask her to come then.

EXCELLENT!!!! YES! DO EXACTLY THAT!!! Only good can come of it... whether this turns out to be a small issue that resolves quickly, or something that takes time to work through. I applaud you for being a good man, thinking this through the way you did, and doing the right thing.

Hey DTalaska,

I think you know a lot about yourself already, and you may even already know on some level what is eating at you. A therapist can help to get past the mental block. Of course going to a therapist doesn't make anyone 'crazy'.

Let's face it, sex triggers a lot of very strong primal emotions in most of us people. If it didn't, if it meant no more to us than say shaking someones hand, well... I shake a lot of people's hands, in the past and in the future. If sex meant nothing to more to us than something like that, well our relationships with each other would likely be very different, or there might be something else of special meaning that separates the casual relationships we have from those we invest heavily in.

I agree xdude,

I feel confident in knowing who I am. I know I can overcome this as well. It was just a big shock, like having an emotional bomb dropped on you, and for me never having dealt with anything like this before it was new to me. So naturally I felt threatened, and vulnerable. Obviously if I didnt care about her at all, then the number or the stories of past bad relationships, and how they happened wouldnt affect me in the slightest. I won't lie, I'm a sensitive person. If you knew me I wouldnt show it much, but deep inside I am.

Im not affraid to go to a therapist for this, infact I'm actually excited. Like you said, they will be able to help train my mind to to block out the thoughts. If they can infact make that happen for me, I will sooo much more happy.

Your advice has been greatly appreciated. Im glad there are good people like yourself out there that are willing to share valueable advice, and help put a different perspective on issues like these.

Thank you so much!

Dazz wrote:There is no advice on how to get threw it, your an insecure man either get threw your insecurites and have a healthly relationship or end the relationship as it will be less painful for both of you.

DTalaska wrote:I agree xdude,

I feel confident in knowing who I am. I know I can overcome this as well. It was just a big shock, like having an emotional bomb dropped on you, and for me never having dealt with anything like this before it was new to me. So naturally I felt threatened, and vulnerable. Obviously if I didnt care about her at all, then the number or the stories of past bad relationships, and how they happened wouldnt affect me in the slightest. I won't lie, I'm a sensitive person. If you knew me I wouldnt show it much, but deep inside I am.

Im not affraid to go to a therapist for this, infact I'm actually excited. Like you said, they will be able to help train my mind to to block out the thoughts. If they can infact make that happen for me, I will sooo much more happy.

Your advice has been greatly appreciated. Im glad there are good people like yourself out there that are willing to share valueable advice, and help put a different perspective on issues like these.

Thank you so much!

Sorry to burst your ego bubble. Your thoughts are trying to tell you something, but you don't wan't to listen to it. Some people jump into the rapids thinking they will make it, but, soon drown.
You don't know who you are, you are just as lost your girlfriend.
This is valuable advice it could save you a lot of future headaches.

DTalaska wrote:...Like you said, they will be able to help train my mind to to block out the thoughts. ...

xdude wrote:...A therapist can help to get past the mental block...

You are welcome though I do hope what you get out of therapy is not how to block out the thoughts, but how to get past the mental blocks preventing you from coming to peace with the feelings that keep bubbling to the surface.

I don't know but it seems like our brains are sort of like emotional batteries. What we don't process, what we bury, just ends up repeating/looping until we do. We can get to be really good at bury it, but it's still there, and actually very visible. I've known people with a lot of bravado that they are strong, but then at some point you realize the bravado isn't to convince others (though others may be convinced), it's just another repeating/loop trying to convince themselves.

When/if you come to the point you are past it, it still could be that you decide you can't live with it and the relationship ends, but hopefully not as you two seem to really care about each other. I agree, if you didn't care about her at all then nothing she did would matter. The only thing is... well the past is the past, and as you already know, nothing she did in her past was done with any intention of hurting you. Seems like she cares about you a lot.

Best wishes,

xdude