Have you had a friend with benefits?

Abraham2 wrote:Defintion of slut/slutty is not the issue. We have differences in the valuation of our HUMANITY and the brain of the human being which distinguishes us from other members of the "Zoo/Zoology Kingdom". Even some of those Zoology animals have got their own principles and values. They have sex for reproduction

Consenting adults can pick their own principles and values, and you or I don't have to like or approve of it.

Personally, I think people these days are far too quick to jump into bed with each other, and I don't exactly approve of a lot of things that people get up to, but my values aren't everyone else's values, and we've got to respect people's rights to live their own lives and do whatever they choose with their own bodies.

I certainly don't think you can judge a person's humanity by their sexual behaviour, unless of course you're talking about abusers or rapists.

I didn't end up having sex with the guy. I was going to call it off but before I could, he texted me saying he couldnt be monogamous with me because he met up with an old flame and one thing led to another. he said it was intentional but he knew i wanted to be exclusive and for him to tell me if something came up. so now that is over.

I'm really glad i didn't end up having sex with him. I wanted to and i didn't at the same time. its not really like me to JUST have sex with a guy. I think thats why I originally posted this thread. Because i was up in the air and I wanted other peoples opinions to i guess help me figure it out?

Good decision.

Btw,can someone finally explain to be the point of ###$ buddies/friends with benefits?
I get it,it's about sex,but why not call it a 'relationship'?You get soooo much more out of relationships.You get someone being in love with you,taking you on dates,buying you stuff,complimenting you,cuddling with you AND sex and with a ###$ buddy you get sex only and maybe people thinking you're slutty(some girls like that).In both cases sex and some charm are basically the only things you need to give.
I'm being serious,someone please explain.

Bovary wrote:Good decision.

Btw,can someone finally explain to be the point of ###$ buddies/friends with benefits?
I get it,it's about sex,but why not call it a 'relationship'?You get soooo much more out of relationships.You get someone being in love with you,taking you on dates,buying you stuff,complimenting you,cuddling with you AND sex and with a ###$ buddy you get sex only and maybe people thinking you're slutty(some girls like that).In both cases sex and some charm are basically the only things you need to give.
I'm being serious,someone please explain.

I'm all for relationships. I'd rather a relationship. But that doesn't mean the other person wants that. In this case, the guy didn't. He had just recently gotten out of a long-term relationship and "wasn't looking for anything serious". Some people just take what they can get and settle. Some dont want the added responsibility or pressure of a relationship. With a FWB theres no strings attached.

Bovary wrote:Good decision.

Btw,can someone finally explain to be the point of ###$ buddies/friends with benefits?
I get it,it's about sex,but why not call it a 'relationship'?You get soooo much more out of relationships.You get someone being in love with you,taking you on dates,buying you stuff,complimenting you,cuddling with you AND sex and with a ###$ buddy you get sex only and maybe people thinking you're slutty(some girls like that).In both cases sex and some charm are basically the only things you need to give.
I'm being serious,someone please explain.

You've already explained it. Some people think they don't want free stuff (or paying for stuff), compliments, cuddling, and whatever other things might be involved.

Oh please,everyone wants free stuff,compliments,etc.

Graveyard76 wrote:

Abraham2 wrote:Defintion of slut/slutty is not the issue. We have differences in the valuation of our HUMANITY and the brain of the human being which distinguishes us from other members of the "Zoo/Zoology Kingdom". Even some of those Zoology animals have got their own principles and values. They have sex for reproduction

Consenting adults can pick their own principles and values, and you or I don't have to like or approve of it.

Personally, I think people these days are far too quick to jump into bed with each other, and I don't exactly approve of a lot of things that people get up to, but my values aren't everyone else's values, and we've got to respect people's rights to live their own lives and do whatever they choose with their own bodies.

I certainly don't think you can judge a person's humanity by their sexual behaviour, unless of course you're talking about abusers or rapists.

This thread (post) came up for opinions and advices. I gave mine sincerely. I do not judge others but I advise according to my own values. You are free and I am too. If you are right, I am not wrong.
In all Human history our freedom is not absolute. There are rules that we have no choice but to follow. How about the "incest" of two consenting adults? is this also individual freedom?
In the area of "Friend With Benefit", let us agree that there is no 100% guarantee of any contraception method. What if the girl got pregnant? what body harm, emotional harm and more as a result of that? who will take care of the child? Abortion is one option..fine...then why do we make them and then abort them? the child survived..fine...but why do we produce children for suffering. We are human being, the highest rank of the animal zoo but we are the worst, I think. If you take this forum as your reference and guidance, you will find the suffering of its members is the result of no values but some misuse and abuse of the freedom.

noreally_imfine wrote:I...I think thats why I originally posted this thread. Because i was up in the air and I wanted other peoples opinions to i guess help me figure it out?

Hey noreally,

That makes sense.

For whatever it's worth I'm the type who associates emotions with sex, but like so many others I tried the one night stand thing when I was younger. I never did try the FWB relationship, as I knew it wouldn't work for me, but the one night stand situation, well...there was of course a lot of social pressure, something some people brag about, I figured no feelings, etc. I learned about myself pretty quickly that it wasn't for me, but if it works for others, it's their life. I think the main thing is to know what's right for you, and from the point of view of social pressure, it seems apparent from this thread that there are plenty of people who have similar intertwined feelings about sex, and relationships

Emotions aside, others have made good points about the practical risks too.

In all history our freedom is not absolute. There are rules that we have no choice but to follow. How about the "incest" of two consenting adults? is this also individual freedom?

Whose rules are you referring to? It wasn't so long ago that same sex relationships were illegal in the Western World, and they're still punishable by death in many countries which are religiously conservative.

Incest isn't really something I'd like to defend, because I believe it's rarely genuinely consensual, but in the few few cases where it is between consenting adults, I'd say it comes down to personal responsibility rather than personal freedom. I don't see whose business it is to tell a pair of adults that they can't make that decision if that really is what they want to do.

I don't have to like it, and neither do you.

What if the girl got pregnant? what body harm, emotional harm and more as a result of that? who will take care of the child?

Again, it's personal responsibility. There are irresponsible people in all walks of life, unfortunately, but that shouldn't be used against everybody else going about their business. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it's a dangerous road to use this sort of argument against personal freedom.

We are human being, the highest rank of the animal zoo but we are the worst, I think.

You see what you want to see. Yeah, I've seen people do some terrible things. I've also seen people doing absolutely wonderful things that make me really proud of being a human being. We're a remarkable species, amazing at times.

Is it fair to say you dwell on negatives a lot, Abraham2?

If you take this forum as your reference and guidance, you will find the suffering of its members is the result of no values but some misuse and abuse of the freedom.

That's a very dodgy statement, if you don't mind my saying. I don't know which parts of the forum you frequent, but the people I regard as my friends here have excellent values, and are not inclined to misuse or abuse their freedom.

Graveyard76

Please notice that we both are here for input and advices. I am not here to judge, to assess values, to punish or to make laws. I expressed my opinion sincerely as you did. It is my freedom to say so too. It just happened that we both got two different opinions. This does not make you right and me wrong.

Just one more point: the change of law or the change of the social attitude towards one practice does not necessarily make that practice absolute right. The change can take place again for the same practice to the absolute opposite direction after long consideration and probably disasterous outcome. You gave same sex as one example. I do not judge, I do not interfer, I do not punish, I do not discriminate but DO I have the freedom to look at it and consider it as garbage?