Been left because of my BPD

Hi, I'm new to this forum and not quite sure if this is where should write, but I just desperately need any sort of help.

I've been with my partner for about 3.5 years. He's my best friend and the only person I feel really safe around. Yesterday night we had this argument, and being bpd of course I wouldn't let it go even when he begged me to get some sleep. That's when he told me he couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't want to live with me and probably not even be in a relationship with me. He's at his sister's for a few days now, that's all I know. No other contact. He's really depressed and I'm massively worried. He has a problem with always needing attention and reassuring a, and he's never single for more than a couple of months. Whenever things get too hard he pushes people away, and then get with someone new. He already has a backup for me, and I'm terrified that that means that this breakup is for real this time.

I'm completely broken down. I'm thinking about goog to A&E to be safe because I feel like I want to die. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to punish him. I'm also considering not going, just so I still can do it.

Yesterday and today has felt like weeks. I've thrown up and passed out from sadness and it feels like my life is over. I asked if I could call him just for an update but received no answer. The only thing that makes me feel real when I feel $#%^ otherwise is him and this time when is worse than ever I can't even hear his voice. Im losing touch with reality and it feels like he's dead and I can't reach him. I don't know what to do if this is over.

I need help so badly.

I really understand what you're going through, I go through very similar things in my relationship. My partner left me before too and I really struggled getting through the days knowing my partner was depressed and had left me because she couldn't take it anymore. But I decided that because I can't do anything about the situation as it stands, I have to try to relax in the meantime. It seems right now everything is a mess for you and your partner is confused and fed up and honestly you can't do anything about that other than wait until things cool down. Worrying and causing yourself emotional pain isn't going to change the situation that stands. I know it's the hardest thing in the world and you sound dependent which is exactly how I am. If he's depressed over this just like how my partner was, it does mean he cares and that's why he's so tired and hurt by all of it. So don't panic and jump to conclusions right now about "He can't be single for a certain amount of time." Because that's your mind panicking into overdrive with fears because you're worried about the situation and the days are feeling like forever but they are ONLY days and he will end up talking to you again. He needs time to think straight and calm down and I'm sure he will contact you again when things are a little better, he clearly cares so I don't see why he wouldn't. But you do need to make sure you are thinking about yourself for the time being, you need to be safe and take care of yourself because you have so much worth and I'd definitely be hurt if you did something bad to yourself. Please see someone if you feel you're at any risk, talk to someone, anyone! Even me if you like. Just don't do anything based on TEMPORARY suffering because trust me, it won't be the answer to these problems.

As someone who was in a relationship with someone who suffered from BPD, I can tell you my experience was traumatic. He got me on an emotional roller coaster that left me devastated. NONETHELESS, it was because HE REFUSED treatment. If he had shaped up and made an effort we would be together. But I dont believe in "shaming" someone with a mental illness no more than anyone being angry at someone for having cancer.

My advice to you is to study the relationship. The highs and lows. Are you currently in treatment? If not, you should. You are not alone and I feel your pain. Break ups suck. It feels like someone died. Maybe your ex has a mental illness as like like sociopathy because I would never dump anyone because of a mental illness UNLESS its out of control.

But trust me, he will probably be looking for in a matter of time. Dont go back to him. DONT allow him to use your mental illness as an excuse for him being an idiot.

I feel your pain. I just didnt recognize what i was doing. I got complacent and we grew apart. She wouldnt change her behaviors and i didnt know how to change mine. She took the first step and skipped out. She could only take my issues so long, over 10 years. She tired and i tried to the best of my abilites at the time. It just wasnt enough. I've paid so much because of my mental issues. No one really knows how much im suffering inside, because my mind isnt like most others. People with BPD and other issues all know wht its like to lose someone ll to often.

It is such a heartbreaking situation for all concerned. I poured so much love into my BPD ex GF, I know she is a wonderful person, but it couldn't last as long as she didn't want to get treatment. Yes, I could have been more patient and understanding but there comes a point that the great moments are outweighed by the non stop crisis and at that point you have to decide if it is worth staying. Just once I would have liked for her to say "And how are you doing?" Instead of the focus being entirely on her. It still breaks my heart to think about her, when she was happy she was the happiest person on the planet but as time went on, those periods got further and further apart.

thousandtinywaves wrote:Hi, I'm new to this forum and not quite sure if this is where should write, but I just desperately need any sort of help.

I've been with my partner for about 3.5 years. He's my best friend and the only person I feel really safe around. Yesterday night we had this argument, and being bpd of course I wouldn't let it go even when he begged me to get some sleep. That's when he told me he couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't want to live with me and probably not even be in a relationship with me. He's at his sister's for a few days now, that's all I know. No other contact. He's really depressed and I'm massively worried. He has a problem with always needing attention and reassuring a, and he's never single for more than a couple of months. Whenever things get too hard he pushes people away, and then get with someone new. He already has a backup for me, and I'm terrified that that means that this breakup is for real this time.

I'm completely broken down. I'm thinking about goog to A&E to be safe because I feel like I want to die. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to punish him. I'm also considering not going, just so I still can do it.

Yesterday and today has felt like weeks. I've thrown up and passed out from sadness and it feels like my life is over. I asked if I could call him just for an update but received no answer. The only thing that makes me feel real when I feel $#%^ otherwise is him and this time when is worse than ever I can't even hear his voice. Im losing touch with reality and it feels like he's dead and I can't reach him. I don't know what to do if this is over.

I need help so badly.

thousandtinywaves, from what you state here you have a tricky predicament. You can't help having BPD, you never chose to have it. It's part of who you are and not being able to drop this argument, although not the best idea, is something that has already happened - there's nothing you can do about it. I'd advise you to send him a long text message explaining exactly how you feel about him. Tell him you're sorry for last night. Tell him that you love him and explain to him what your fears are. If he truly loves you back and respects you, he will fight for you. That's what a real man is. That's what true love is. If he's not prepared to do that then maybe you two aren't meant to be together. I know that's easy for me to say because I'm not emotionally involved, but from an outsider's perspective, I can see clearer and if he's already got a “back up” in mind then what does that say about him? Does he really have respect for you if he's potentially got someone in line to replace you? Seriously think about things and weigh up whether it's the best thing being with him.