How do I get over insecurity about my partner's sexuality?

It eats me away everyday that my girlfriend is bisexual. I can't stand how she likes something that I'm not, how she drools over something I'm not and adores something I'm not just as the same way she likes the gender I am. I hate it, it makes me feel sick and it makes my ego hit the floor. I get so angry and feel a horrible burn in my stomach if she blogs pictures of men, talks about men...etc. I know it's my insecurity issues, I'm not biphobic, I never have been. It's all from insecurity and ignorance on my behalf but I just don't know what to do. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I feel so insecure considering she prefers girls and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't leave me for a guy. But it's just constantly in my mind and I can't stop thinking about it, and it makes me feel kind of disgusted she's attracted to something I'm not like it just makes me uncomfortable and I need it to stop. She could end up leaving me over my insecurity. My mind comes up with the worst fearful scenarios like if she clearly finds a guy's body hot I end up being smothered with thoughts about how "Oh if she likes something muscular why would I be good enough with my small feminine body? She must prefer this/that..Why is she a fan of more men celebs than girls? Why does she always want handsome guys as her Twitter images?" It just really hurts me and I've caused her so much pain over it, she feels so destroyed with all I've put her through. The worst part is when she says "What's wrong with finding them handsome don't you admit they are too?" Like she doesn't get it...YES I admit they are and that's what hurts the most. Because I can see that they look nice and that is something I'm not in any way or form. I know i'm so fearful and insecure and it does cloud my mind with way more negativity and fears that I probably don't notice anything she says or does towards girls because I'm way more focused on the insecurity over guys but I really need help

She is with YOU...She finds you attractive..you handsome..you a person with whom she wants to be with and loves...She has no problem with you,YOU have a problem with you it seems.Its really not about her,its about your thoughts and insecurities.Accept yourself.Value yourself and worth.You owe that to yourself and deserve that also from yourself in life.If you devalue yourself in a sense,it doesnt matter who you are with.The same problems/issues would still be there because of the way you view your.Many relationships have been ruined due to personal insecurities on one partners half.Work on being happy and accepting you as you are.I wish you peace and happiness in life.XX

I realise that but It still hurts that she thinks something completely opposite to what I am looks so good and she likes something I'm not so much and I just can't stand it, I feel a huge anger and burning sensation inside of me over it and my fears and insecurity scares me that she likes it as much or even more than she does girls.

I can't be handsome either since I'm a girl and I'm worried she's way more obsessed with handsome men since she's always using pictures of handsome guys rather than pretty girls. I even showed her pics of really gorgeous girls but she's like "She's ugly" but the girl was SO hot and everything panics me she seems to be so picky with girls but likes so many guy celebs. I tell her about it all the time but she lies and says she doesn't agree and that she doesn't even look at guys in that way yet she still calls herself bi? I hate it

I sometimes think back to our earlier days of dating when she showed me pics of a guy's abs and when she had this really manly guy as her background and even after a year even just thinking about it drives me insane with pain. In my head it seems like she's straight because of all of the thoughts I have and I know it's because I'm insecure but I can't rid it.

totoropeas wrote:It eats me away everyday that my girlfriend is bisexual. I can't stand how she likes something that I'm not, how she drools over something I'm not and adores something I'm not just as the same way she likes the gender I am. I hate it, it makes me feel sick and it makes my ego hit the floor. I get so angry and feel a horrible burn in my stomach if she blogs pictures of men, talks about men...etc. I know it's my insecurity issues, I'm not biphobic, I never have been. It's all from insecurity and ignorance on my behalf but I just don't know what to do. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I feel so insecure considering she prefers girls and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't leave me for a guy. But it's just constantly in my mind and I can't stop thinking about it, and it makes me feel kind of disgusted she's attracted to something I'm not like it just makes me uncomfortable and I need it to stop. She could end up leaving me over my insecurity. My mind comes up with the worst fearful scenarios like if she clearly finds a guy's body hot I end up being smothered with thoughts about how "Oh if she likes something muscular why would I be good enough with my small feminine body? She must prefer this/that..Why is she a fan of more men celebs than girls? Why does she always want handsome guys as her Twitter images?" It just really hurts me and I've caused her so much pain over it, she feels so destroyed with all I've put her through. The worst part is when she says "What's wrong with finding them handsome don't you admit they are too?" Like she doesn't get it...YES I admit they are and that's what hurts the most. Because I can see that they look nice and that is something I'm not in any way or form. I know i'm so fearful and insecure and it does cloud my mind with way more negativity and fears that I probably don't notice anything she says or does towards girls because I'm way more focused on the insecurity over guys but I really need help

I am absolutely sure that you are an intelligent person, so I am by no means underestimating you by writing this, but it may help you with perspective.

I'm a heterosexual male, and I find that a very wide range of female body shapes and sizes can be attractive, including bodybuilders such as Larissa Reis, and weightlifters such as Samantha Wright. I also find very thin people attractive, and people who are of moderate weight yet doesn't work out so their stomach and thighs are all creamy/pudgy/soft when you poke them. One of the most beautiful women in the world (to me) have shoulders built like a man (and she was always a bit of a tomboy). I even think that a lot of transsexuals are attractive even though I'm (very) turned off by penises. I'm attracted to caucasians, asians, and africans, those who are as pale as the snow, and those who are as dark as the night. I'm attracted to women who are much shorter and much taller than me. I'm attracted to bald women, women with short hair, long hair, blonde and dark hair, and redheads too. Punk rock girls? Check. Goth? Check. Sporty? Check. Bossy? Check. To-hell-with-makeup-and-proper-clothes-day? Check. Mature wide-hipped lady in long skirt and pantyhose? Check. Pointy, saggy, round, small and large breasts? Check. Small, large, light, pink, and dark areolas? Check. Big and flat butt? Check. Messy bad teeth crazy lady Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter? Check! It's an incredibly vast range of beauty out there. And I don't pick anyone of them over the others-- based on any of those things that I've listed. In order for me to pick anyone of them over the others-- I have to go by their personality (or, attitude, to be specific). By attitude, I mean how she interacts with the world around her. THAT's the final straw that makes me fall in love with her, and that's not just going to get undo-ed because she farted while she was asleep, or because she woke up one day with a zit on her nose, or because she woke up with bad breath (most if not all people do, so what?), or because she has a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad month.... or, even a bad year.

But... would I find any of them nearly as interesting or attractive while I was in a relationship with someone? No. Would I consider cheating, or leaving for someone else, under certain circumstance? No. Would I take care of her psychological well-being to the best of my abilities? Yes. Would I moderate what came out of my mouth so as to not trigger her and her psychological issues which I know is painful to her? Yes. What makes me dump my partner? When she has-- or when I think she is going to-- betray me.

But I do get you, though. I mean I was ok when my girlfriend said that celebrities were attractive, to an extent, but when she started pointing out (with a lustful tone in her voice) and implying that she wanted to have sex with random guys in our network of friends, all I could think was "What the hell is wrong with you?" But I still didn't say anything... and you know what? When we broke up. The first thing she did, was bang all those guys she mentioned to me earlier. And she ended up in a relationship with one of them. That's messed up. In retrospect, she was basically saying "Hey, you know this guy? If we ever break up, I'm going to f*** his brains out." That's basically what she said. "Hey, honey, you know our friend Mr. Douche?" "Yeah, what about him?" "I'm going to be in a relationship with him in about three months." "Oh, I thought that we were in a relationship, but that's nice, sweety, thank you. It's nice to know that you hold me in such high regard."

So, is your girlfriend, and forgive my rudeness, a bit of a c***? Yes, she absolutely is. She's absolutely being inappropriate. When my partner does not have the decency or courtesy, or respect for me as I do her, I tell her to "piss off, then." If she's polygamous, and doesn't care for my psychological well-being, she can go find herself someone who is polygamous like her, someone who doesn't care about her just like she doesn't care about anyone else but herself.

Totoropeas, Im so sorry...Either she is lying to you about her sexual preference,is just mean and vindictive,or is there a possibility that she thinks you wouldnt be as jealous if she possibly cheated with a man,then with a woman?
I dated this young man years agooooo....I had heard through the grapevine he was bisexual.I asked him,he said no..so ok,I thought that was the end of that...Then I found out he was seeing a man on the side.I got upset of course and broke up with him.He acted shocked by MY behaviour.He said he didnt think I would care much or be jealous since the person was the opposite sex,and he didnt consider that "competition" with me....People are strange.You never know THEIR mindset and how THEY justify their own behaviour and actions.If this women is using you financially,or for a place to stay,or whatever reasons,get out of the relationship.If you feel you cant trust her fvor more reasons then revealed,or that are private,get out.I dont advise people staying in relationships when someone is emotionally draining another person of their soul and light.Im sorry I misread/misunderstood your origional post.I do wish you that peace..joy..and happiness always in life...Life is too short to be wasted on those who dont deserve our time..care..and love..XX

i think you're all getting the wrong idea. she is hurt because of me, she takes $#%^ from me everyday bullying her over her bisexuality and she's reassured me so many times that she prefers girls and that she loves and wants me and not anybody else, i swear to you she is genuine, she says she doesn't even think of guys in a sexual way, but only girls, she has never been unfaithful and is one of the most trustworthy people in the world and it's me who deserves to be punched in the face for being so horrible but i can't help it because i'm still insecure about how she's not fully gay. this is all my insecurity, even though i know this i seem to pick out at every celeb she likes or get worried over the fact she likes guys too, i get worried if bisexuality even exists or what if one day she wants a guy because i can't understand it as i only like one gender in a sexual way. i've seen lots of people insecure in relationships with bisexual people. i don't like feeling like i'm on the same level as guys, i don't like worrying about being inferior and i definitely don't like the fact she can be interested into something sexually which i'm repulsed by, the whole thing makes me revolted and uncomfortable, i cannot even stand the fact picturing her with a guy and having sex with one it just KILLS me. i love her, i want it to just vanish out of my mind so i can be happy and idk why it won't.

To answer your question you won't be insecure if you are not with her. Your insecurity will vanish with time. I actually don't find anything wrong with your attitude except the self blaming for telling her things. You know who you are and are communicating. You know your sexual preferences and she doesn't so much. Some people's confusion shouldn't be an excuse to use others. Plus rubbing in your face that she likes other partners and of the other sex is mean and I see it as an hypocritical way of controlling you by making you insecure. I don't think you make yourself insecure, she does it to you. She is not as vested in the relationship as she is involved with potential other partners. You are in all the way and she is not. lies don't cost much more than saliva. Dishonesty is a way to get something for free and usually without much reciprocity but crumbs to keep you in, waste your ideal life and subsidize their being. Free riders.
I'd consider her unstable and destabilizing for you. You wouldn't be so hurt if you were bi yourself and rubbing it in her face. Imagine that. You'd both be like horn dogs trying to score as much as possible maybe? is that the life and relationship you want? Is that who you are? Many people relate in a relationship through power struggles and sadistic and masochist behaviors. get off that train ASAP because putting up with s**t is just making things worse for you and any potential to even have a good relationship with her. I'd suggest distancing yourself and expect she'd try to toy with you afterwards, telling you she is out and screwing some guy or some girl ( to keep putting you down and hurt you and control you).
You sound like a caring person, an irritated person on her last nerve at the moment and someone who knows what she wants. I think your conflict arises from knowing what you want and knowing what you get and a need to bring congruence to your life. You probably will have to realize and admit to yourself that you picked the wrong one and that to bring balance you'll have to let her go which won't be too hard on her being that she is already somewhat gone in her mind away from you and close to others. She is diversified. You are the one who has to make decisions for yourself, your life and your present relationship so that you have harmony with yourself and your standards of relationship and love.
People who have little to no boundaries, little to no moral standards are usually ill equipped to live a long term relationship, a "forever"( as far as can be foreseen) relationship. Being gay is not a problem, being bi is not a problem. Being gay with a bi is a problem and your problem at the moment. You have to accept who you are and not doubt yourself. You have to accept who she is and not doubt her. If you can't find a middle ground you'll have to cut her out of your life and it sounds to me that there is no middle ground. You really don't get along because of it all.
JMHO of course.

Yeah I've definitely given you all the wrong idea, you are misunderstanding. You're all talking as if she's the issue lmao I'm in therapy because I'm the issue and I have severe problems. She is not doing anything of the sort, this is all ME, she gives me nothing to be insecure over I swear to you. She rubs nothing in my face, all she does is updates her blogs of bands she likes or uses pictures of either gender as her display pictures, but they are only celebs, she doesn't rub anything in my face, all she does is be normal, she's as normal as me! I do the same thing as she does! So it's nothing abnormal or nothing where she's trying to gain anything, I have no self-esteem or self-worth, I form my own worries and insecurities over EVERY LITTLE THING, I even hate her spending time with her dad, it's ALL me. I don't know how to make this clear to everybody, she does nothing wrong, she isn't like those bisexual people who can't pick a side or use the term to have both. She's nothing like that, she's loyal, she loves me, I HURT HER EVERYDAY, all she's ever done is be a perfect gf to me. I couldn't fault her. I have a mental illness over my relationship due to my extreme insecurity and fear of abandonment because of childhood issues. I'm asking for advice on how to address this and not be so insecure, she's bisexual but it doesn't mean she can't pick a side and settle down, she loves me, she wants me. I know this but I can't rid my insecurities even though she gives me no reason to keep having them.

Hi totoropeas,

What if you face the fear? What if you imagine her with a guy? I know, that will be painful, feel that pain (be in a safe place, do it with nice music, and maybe with your girl by your side), imagine her with a guy and experience how does it feel? why do you feel that way? Feel it thoroughly. Understand your fear, ask your fear what it is telling you.

It might happen that once you've fully experienced your fear, it might loose it's power. I had a fear once, I was afraid of the dark. I would turn off the lights and run upstairs feeling something was crawling up the stairs to catch me. One day, I had enough and I turn off the lights and began very slowly to go up the stars. I even stayed on some steps waiting to feel all my fear, I would look back and see there was nothing, and I would be back to the darkness, and stay there. That fear vanished. I've faced other fears, and the road has been painful.

So, how about if you explore your fear, with your girl by your side. You'll feel her, and she'll accompany you when you face your fear.

I know about fear of abandonment from childhood issues. They may never go away, but you can do something about it. Your fears tell you about something you love: her. So, be forgiving with you as well, and try walking that path.

Tell us how that goes.

Sea