Physical And Sexual Attraction

I've been dating, mostly using various online dating sites, and I have met so many women who are full of drama, they talk my right ear off, short tempered, critical, sarcastic, married, etc. (I know many men are too.)

I finally meet someone who is the nicest person I've met. She is sweet, kind and treats me nicely. There is no drama. However, I don't feel any "chemistry" with her and I don't know why. I could say, "She is overweight and that is not my preference" but I've been attracted to overweight women before. I could say, "I prefer people of my same race" but I've been attracted to other races before. There is nothing I can point to say that is a turn-off. Why can't I be physically attracted to her? I'm a very humble person and looks aren't that important, but it does play a part.

I've been in a relationship before where there was no physical attraction and each time we went out I would look at other women. Whenever we would go out to eat I always wished it was someone else. I don't want to be in that position again.

With that being said, I know many people get into relationships where he/she is not physically or sexually attracted to the other person at all. The other person has other things to offer that is attractive. They seem to have healthy relationships.

Why can't I over look the physical?

Am I being shallow?

Ha! No...I think that you are just being smart (not shallow). And yet, I believe that the more in love you are with someone, the more physically attractive they become. Does that make sense? I am more worried about her. Can you just end the relationship kindly somehow with finality to give her closure?

Thank you for your comment. I went out with her 3 times and then I ended it.

David I think you are spot on in that its not the looks that are impacting your interest level as you have said before you have dated girls a bit overweight etc.. and still been interested.

So if we exclude the looks factor for a second and instead focus on the first part that most women you meet have some sort of factor that you know just does not work for you. Would it be safe to say that these women for whatever reason seemed to have more appeal than this recent sweet girl?

I suspect if this girl was much more attractive in a pop culture sort of judgement of attractive you probably would have kept your interest longer, but ultimately after a couple of weeks if she was as nice as this girl you would have probably lost your attraction to her.

I had an ex, she was great, super nice. No drama, super sweet. Everything that I would think of that would make a good girlfriend she was, and after 1 month I was bored and I broke up with her. Yet girls who may not be as good in different areas but possessed fatal flaws held my interest. I wonder if you might not be experiencing something similar.

Adult attachment theory may be an interesting thing to read up on. You can take a quick test here: http://psychology.about.com/library/qui ... t-quiz.htm

I'd be curious to know the results.

David92506 wrote:I've been dating, mostly using various online dating sites, and I have met so many women who are full of drama, they talk my right ear off, short tempered, critical, sarcastic, married, etc. (I know many men are too.)

I finally meet someone who is the nicest person I've met. She is sweet, kind and treats me nicely. There is no drama. However, I don't feel any "chemistry" with her and I don't know why. I could say, "She is overweight and that is not my preference" but I've been attracted to overweight women before. I could say, "I prefer people of my same race" but I've been attracted to other races before. There is nothing I can point to say that is a turn-off. Why can't I be physically attracted to her? I'm a very humble person and looks aren't that important, but it does play a part.

I've been in a relationship before where there was no physical attraction and each time we went out I would look at other women. Whenever we would go out to eat I always wished it was someone else. I don't want to be in that position again.

With that being said, I know many people get into relationships where he/she is not physically or sexually attracted to the other person at all. The other person has other things to offer that is attractive. They seem to have healthy relationships.

Why can't I over look the physical?

Am I being shallow?

Those are the big problems with internet dating - that frankly make it a waste of time. Even if you do find someone who isn't a flaming weirdo or tard you still don't know if there is any chemistry until you actually meet.

Parador wrote:

David92506 wrote:I've been dating, mostly using various online dating sites, and I have met so many women who are full of drama, they talk my right ear off, short tempered, critical, sarcastic, married, etc. (I know many men are too.)

I finally meet someone who is the nicest person I've met. She is sweet, kind and treats me nicely. There is no drama. However, I don't feel any "chemistry" with her and I don't know why. I could say, "She is overweight and that is not my preference" but I've been attracted to overweight women before. I could say, "I prefer people of my same race" but I've been attracted to other races before. There is nothing I can point to say that is a turn-off. Why can't I be physically attracted to her? I'm a very humble person and looks aren't that important, but it does play a part.

I've been in a relationship before where there was no physical attraction and each time we went out I would look at other women. Whenever we would go out to eat I always wished it was someone else. I don't want to be in that position again.

With that being said, I know many people get into relationships where he/she is not physically or sexually attracted to the other person at all. The other person has other things to offer that is attractive. They seem to have healthy relationships.

Why can't I over look the physical?

Am I being shallow?

Those are the big problems with internet dating - that frankly make it a waste of time. Even if you do find someone who isn't a flaming weirdo or tard you still don't know if there is any chemistry until you actually meet.

I have been single now for about 9 months or so.. I tried online dating and it didn't last very long. Lol MOST of the people I have met on there were very seriously not in touch with reality.

Example
Im looking for a guy with a good head on his shoulders, is successful, wants to spoil me, must be over 6 ft tall, is in shape aka athletic and toned, likes good restaurants, wine tasting, has a boat etc etc. Lol the funny part is that most of the women asking for this usually have nothing to bring to the table themselves. I closed my account after a month. It was just not how I want to meet someone. There is nothing like going out and getting to try to meet new people.

Don't worry buddy
You'll get another one.