Flaked for ex boyfriend

Known this girl for about 2 months and been seeing her for about a month who is still seeing her ex, she says she can never be happy with him and has scheduled to end it soon when it is more convenient, I know she will because she has spoken about the repercussions of it to me and how she will deal with them.

Tonight we were suppose to meet up, it was planned 2 days ago but today when I went to confirm she tells me that instead she is spending the night with her ex which they usually do on this particular night of the week because the next day they always spend together.

I dont know what to make of this, to me it seems she is more interested in him than me but she isnt even happy with him, so I could conclude she isnt happy with me either although she knows him a lot better and is still just starting to get to know me. It just still seems a bit off she will rather see her ex than a new guy.

Should I take this as a big red flag not to invest too much in to her or is it normal for some girls to not be in to a guy much at the start then things start to grow?

SBBro wrote:Known this girl for about 2 months and been seeing her for about a month who is still seeing her ex, she says she can never be happy with him and has scheduled to end it soon when it is more convenient, I know she will because she has spoken about the repercussions of it to me and how she will deal with them.

Tonight we were suppose to meet up, it was planned 2 days ago but today when I went to confirm she tells me that instead she is spending the night with her ex which they usually do on this particular night of the week because the next day they always spend together.

I dont know what to make of this, to me it seems she is more interested in him than me but she isnt even happy with him, so I could conclude she isnt happy with me either although she knows him a lot better and is still just starting to get to know me. It just still seems a bit off she will rather see her ex than a new guy.

Should I take this as a big red flag not to invest too much in to her or is it normal for some girls to not be in to a guy much at the start then things start to grow?

I've been trying to tell you that she doesn't want to be happy, she wants drama and he's better at giving her that than you are. When she complains to you about how bad he is that's precisely why she's fascinated with him, some people are just like that, they want a dark road with plenty of turmoil. Why can't you give up on her and move on? Is it difficult for you to approach women? She's making a fool out of you. Why are you doing this to yourself?

There is no reason for me to break up with her unless she does tell me she wants to get married to him then I should respect that.

SBBro wrote:There is no reason for me to break up with her unless she does tell me she wants to get married to him then I should respect that.

She's not exclusive with you so why are you exclusive with her? Where are your other women?

In another country. Visting them this year.

KevinG31 wrote:...I've been trying to tell you that she doesn't want to be happy, she wants drama and he's better at giving her that than you are. When she complains to you about how bad he is that's precisely why she's fascinated with him, some people are just like that, they want a dark road with plenty of turmoil...

From my personal experience,

Yes, I also believe this is the case sometimes. It happens that some people will say they despise the drama in their life, and maybe on some level believe it, but at the same time they seek it out, stir it up, because without the drama I don't know, I guess they'd be bored, wouldn't know what to do with themselves, or would have to focus on their own issues vs keeping the attention on everything/everyone else.

In these cases nothing is likely to change because the person actually does enjoy the drama more than the alternatives.

I have had a lot of conversations with her and shes been honest about A LOT, if she wasnt being honest there would be a lot of stuff she shouldnt have told me. If she does like the drama she is doing a decent job managing that problem, shes been to relationship councelling, she is on meds.
He wont take meds and based on their facebook messages he admits to being the dickhead.

She says she stopped caring once he cheated on her. She had a bf before her who was too rowdy too and she broke up with him too.

Ive asked her why is she still seeing him and she says if she doesnt he makes her life hell for 2 days.
Shes definetly does not like him, its all between the lines of their facebook interactions and I see the missed calls, her phone blocking all incoming calls and I have to tell her to unblock so I can call.

The drama definitely isnt working out for this poor dude.

SBBro wrote:I have had a lot of conversations with her and shes been honest about A LOT, if she wasnt being honest there would be a lot of stuff she shouldnt have told me. If she does like the drama she is doing a decent job managing that problem, shes been to relationship councelling, she is on meds.
He wont take meds and based on their facebook messages he admits to being the dickhead.

She says she stopped caring once he cheated on her. She had a bf before her who was too rowdy too and she broke up with him too.

Ive asked her why is she still seeing him and she says if she doesnt he makes her life hell for 2 days.
Shes definetly does not like him, its all between the lines of their facebook interactions and I see the missed calls, her phone blocking all incoming calls and I have to tell her to unblock so I can call.

The drama definitely isnt working out for this poor dude.

She doesn't like him but she keeps having sex with him? She stopped caring about him but she still sees him and has sex with him? You think that makes any sense? How does he make her life hell if she stops seeing him? If she really felt that way she could put out a restraining order against him and end all contact, there's no such thing as a man who can keep forcing himself into the life of a woman against her will.

You are in serious denial, this girl is a mess, why can't you find someone better? Everyone so far who has responded to you in both of your threads about this girl doesn't like her and doesn't like that you are with her so why do you bother to ask for advice if you are so certain that this girl is awesome and the one for you? You are obviously addicted to this girl and you always believe the contradictory nonsense she tells you.

Getting a restraining order is part of her plan, honestly I dont know why she doesnt do it already.

I dont feel I am in denial, I am not rationalizing her behaviour I have been questioning it a lot and I am taking the advice people are giving me on board.

It would be hard for me to find someone better because as I mentioned, she has qualities I like, ones that only come along with a cluster B personality.

I am not going to ask to see her anymore, if she wants to chase me good, if not then I guess it will be over.

Hey SBBro -

I think some people are conflicted in what they want. There is no great analogy, but it's somewhat like wanting to be healthier on the one hand, and at the same time wanting to eat food that is not good for us on the other. It's not entirely a matter of being honest, both wants are true, it's more about wanting the best of both without the trade-offs/negatives of either (and maybe not taking responsibility for the choice either way).

The longer term concern is that she may leave this other guy, but if she is someone who has a fundamentally conflicted personality that aspect of her nature isn't likely to change long term.