Flaked for ex boyfriend

FWB is destructive nonsense from people who don't like to commit to one relationship and don't like you enough to stop screwing other people. If she is FWB with you what's to stop her from screwing some other guy she becomes friends with? Will you ever be her exclusive boyfriend? Do you care?

Im not 100% sure of your point here, but at one time she rejected my friendship cause of being exclusive, she is not hiding anything from anyone.
I dont know if I will ever be her exclusive boyfriend, I would rather I was but if it doesnt happen then I wont be disapointed and I would prefere FWB than just friends or nothing at all.

By the way, FWB garbage was popularized by TV shows and magazines in the 1990's and the attitude that such behavior is acceptable has led to an insane amount of cheating and a lack of trust in relationships.

Well one of my goals is to marry a girl from a non feminist country. I also cant see how FWB wasnt popular before the 90s, you know about the 60s right? before HIV....

By taking part in it you are endorsing negative behavior which harms the whole society.

You are assuming that doing something means the person approves of it.

Also, the fact that you settle for relationships which aren't exclusive means you are lacking in self respect.

Its hard to go out with a girl and keep your dignity these days, but yes its a bit more low to settle for something less than I want, but I am trying so I think your statement is subjective.

you feel that sexual interaction with a woman is such a great prize you'll take table scraps rather than the full committed relationship meal you deserve.

You are comparing sex to eating table scraps, and suggesting its better to starve.

At no time in what you've written about this girl have you ever sounded like the one with the power in the relationship.

I am going to guess you are from Europe, I live in a highly feminist country where whether passively or not the women lead the relationship and set the tone.

Why has she never waited for you to break up with your girlfriend? Why aren't you forcing her to follow your time table?

She has told me she just doesnt care about things, she is emotionally unavailable, etc
I cant take it personally because its how she is with all guys, it also doesnt bother me that much except that its very hard to see where I stand or where things are going.
And before you say its obvious its going nowhere, she started the same way with her exs.

SBBro, you have a defeatist attitude with women, there are plenty of men who have the power in the relationship with a woman but you aren't one of them. Women chase bad boys because they can't control these men and those men have the power, for you to act like many men don't have power in relationships with women just isn't true. Why don't you do anything to become powerful? I already gave you the advice that you should be dating other women to show this girl how in high demand you are, make her think that you've got other options and that she has to start playing by your terms or she's gone. Date different girls and introduce these girls to this girl you've been so powerless with and generally this is going to stir feelings of female competition in her, she will instantly perceive that you have higher value and she will want to defeat those other women by forming a more serious relationship with you. Her fear will force her to act, her fear that she's going to lose you to those other women.

You've never said anything about your physical appearance, is this girl better looking than you? Be honest. Because if you are trying to form a committed relationship with a woman and she's better looking than you and she knows it of course she's going to act elusive and behave like you've got to accomodate her because she's perceiving that she has higher dating value anyway. If you looked like Johnny Depp you wouldn't be stuck in FWB, she'd be the one who wanted a serious relationship with you. Also, if she had been so thrilled by you and your dating value she wouldn't have kept you waiting for so long while she was still banging her ex.

SBBro, you have a defeatist attitude with women, there are plenty of men who have the power in the relationship with a woman but you aren't one of them.

I think most of them are just in agreement, I have an alpha as ###$ cousin who would sternly tell his long term girlfriend he didnt want his future kids cared for by a nanny while she went out and he was at work, she had to be a house wife, she wanted to marry him but left him over this.

Women chase bad boys because they can't control these men and those men have the power, for you to act like many men don't have power in relationships with women just isn't true.

Bad boy is a vague term, can mean anything from someone insisting on being chased half the time to a cheater.

Why don't you do anything to become powerful? I already gave you the advice that you should be dating other women to show this girl how in high demand you are, make her think that you've got other options and that she has to start playing by your terms or she's gone.

I should really do this. I am organising things now.

You've never said anything about your physical appearance, is this girl better looking than you? Be honest. Because if you are trying to form a committed relationship with a woman and she's better looking than you and she knows it of course she's going to act elusive and behave like you've got to accomodate her because she's perceiving that she has higher dating value anyway. If you looked like Johnny Depp you wouldn't be stuck in FWB, she'd be the one who wanted a serious relationship with you. Also, if she had been so thrilled by you and your dating value she wouldn't have kept you waiting for so long while she was still banging her ex.

As long as she is attracted to the guy thats whats important for her.
When we 1st met she was surprised I was single, she obviously found me physically attractive.
Facially I am a 6.5 she is a 6, she is the least attractive of the hand full of girls I have had relationships with. She has a much better body than me, she is fair skinned and skinny and I am almost fat. LMS wise I blow her out of the water, she has no license, I cycle through 3 impressive and new cars. I have better social circles, I am more relationship material than she is, I am also more resourceful than her, in other words my friends are a lot more useful.

2 cents -

Two people in an on-going ego battle for supremacy can be a foundation for a relationship (i.e., it could work in that they stay together), but so can two people who put their egos aside for the mutual benefits of being together... as can many other combinations work.

SB, it does seem like on some level you are conflicted about what you want, and from your description, she definitely sounds conflicted. It could be that because you are both conflicted, that is a primary attractor. Push-pull relationships happen, though typically the person who is doing more of the pulling ends up being the one who is really feeling hurt when it falls apart.

She isnt in a position to get hurt thats for sure, I dont think I would be upset if it ends though, she isnt pushing my buttons (being totally available), and there is no reason for me to get mad at her, and her honesty with me has earned her respect.

I know what I want, she doesnt though.

SBBro wrote:
We have a FWB relationship I cant see how having that is beta.

It is. You are rationalizing--pretending you want this even though you don't. One day looking back, your dignity will be in the toilet and you'll wish you had the backbone to walk away from this.

I agree with Kevin. I was that girl addicted to drama bouncing back and forth. No one made me stay with my ex. I missed some qualities that the new guy didn't have. I thought there wasn't a perfect man put there for me and just mixed them all together for me to be happy. I was very selfish in my actions leading them on. I didn't know what I wanted or who I wanted to be. I still like the drama, but finally settled down to one man, but it took my soul mate to end all immediately. If she doesn't want to stop, its not for you. There are better woman out there that want the right guy, just be patient. She will come to you.

Harkness wrote:It is. You are rationalizing--pretending you want this even though you don't. One day looking back, your dignity will be in the toilet and you'll wish you had the backbone to walk away from this.

Okay I think you have the wrong idea about me.
I used to go from one nighter to one nighter not wanting a relationship, then I decided sex is better if you find someone you know better so I had a few ###$ buddy relationships.
I want to marry an overseas girl.

I find a chick who I get a long with as a friend and who I want to ###$, I only want to be exclusive because I think feelings could develop for me and I want to be able to ###$ her more often.

If I didnt want it I would be upset like I was when she friend zoned me, THAT I didnt want.

SBBro wrote:
If I didnt want it I would be upset like I was when she friend zoned me, THAT I didnt want.

I'm not trying to be difficult, but women don't friendzone guys, they just reject them.

If you found yourself "friendzoned," it means that you had feelings for her and invested emotionally while getting nothing back. You have feelings for her and you want more than FWB. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but I think you should protect your dignity and next her.

SBBro wrote:She isnt in a position to get hurt thats for sure, I dont think I would be upset if it ends though, she isnt pushing my buttons (being totally available), and there is no reason for me to get mad at her, and her honesty with me has earned her respect.

I know what I want, she doesnt though.

Yes, definitely have to give the nod to her being honest with you.

Conflicted likely wasn't the best wording. Still you seem to be in a state where you are hanging in there knowing she is conflicted, and feelings like "I dont think I would be upset if it ends though...", so maybe the word 'ambivalent' is better?

There is really nothing wrong with ambivalence either (i.e., to have mixed feelings), just that nothing is likely to change as it stands now. You may have to reach the point where you make a choice, push the matter. It could go either way, but as it stands now, from what you've written, it does seem like she has the best of both worlds, so no motivation to change the situation on her part.