My boyfriend doesn't know who he is anymore

Hi everyone. I've really hurted my boyfriend a few months ago, I did something terrible and feel so guilty about it, about hurting him, losing his trust... But he still loves me, I am madly in love with him and after a falling out we are back together and really trying to work things out. But he says that what I did hurt him so bad he barely knows who he is anymore, and there's like this "thing" living inside of him. We both understand that this "thing" is anger. Time and communication is probably the best way to help him, but I still wait to do something to help him get better. I can't stand knowing he is suffering because of me.. should I give him space? or be even more there for him?

If anyone knows what to do, please help me.. I just want to help him get better.. thank you

Time and effective communication is important. Unless you receive some form of gratification from his anger (I'm not accusing you, but it wouldn't surprise me and if you did what you did to provoke him in the first place), effective communication in this case is those forms of communication which diffuse instead of reinforcing the anger, trauma, or negative thinking. If hurting him brings you gratification, then you'll need to be unselfish and put that to the side in order to properly support him.

I can't stand knowing he is suffering because of me.. should I give him space? or be even more there for him?

I think whether you should pull in closer or put some distance between you is probably more situationally dependent. The best thing you can do is act in a way where he'll realize how contextually out of place his anger is and maybe even feels a little bit of embarrassment as a result. Maybe he'll never really fully forgive you or the relationship comes to an end, but over time it's difficult to maintain fierce hatred toward someone who treats you kindly and behaves in a non-contemptible manner.

Thank you for giving me your opinion and advice
But I didn't hurt him on purpose, I did a stupid mistake that hurt him. I would never hurt him on purpose. I know he's still mad at me and I understand that. But the problem is he says he doesn't feel himself anymore because he've never been this mad (he's not just mad at me). And I want to help him, I just don't know what to do..

Lola123 wrote:Thank you for giving me your opinion and advice
But I didn't hurt him on purpose, I did a stupid mistake that hurt him. I would never hurt him on purpose. I know he's still mad at me and I understand that. But the problem is he says he doesn't feel himself anymore because he've never been this mad (he's not just mad at me). And I want to help him, I just don't know what to do..

He seems like a sensitive, over-emotional guy but I guess if he believes "he doesn't feel himself anymore", those are his feelings and that's just the way things are.