I am not my partner's ideal body type

So my partner and I have been having a rough time lately with me finding out about his porn and masturbation addiction, we have always had what I thought was an amazing sex life. He has been hiding it and lying about it because of shame and guilt. He has completely stopped both despite a few urges when im not around of which I am very proud of him.
The realization that my partner was seeking sexual satisfaction via visual stimulants involving other women hurt me deeply. I have a very strong hold on my beliefs when it comes to love, morals and respect.
I began asking him why I wasn't enough, we have very regular sex, amazing beautiful and passionate sex.
I also do regard myself as an attractive female, I am a part time alt glamour model, that of the tattooed pinip type.
I am 5'2 and weigh about 51kg, I have a natural 32d breast and am an australian size 6.
I began wondering if this was some kind of void I was leaving in him, so I questioned him on his idea of me visually and his idea of perfect.
It turns out he is attracted to very thin lean women, he thinks my tummy is 'big' and my general body type is not his ideal but he 'thinks im perfect overall' he says he likes the look of tall lean women but likes the feel of small women. My body type is a curvy thin, if that makes sense im on the thinner side of hourglass.It took me most of my life to feel good about my shape and I feel like this is a million steps bbackwards for me.
He says that he believes his mind has been altered by the porn use and has left him with an ideal of women that is not possible. I am the second woman he has ever been with and the previous female was tall and on the thinner side but with a bad proportion so he seems to think it is okay to settle.
I think his body is all kinds of wonderful, he is my perfect type.
I dont understand why I am not his? He tells me that he has thought I didnt look nice in particular situations like performing oral sex on me.
He seems to think his mind can be fixed, that it is just damage caused by his addiction.
Is this possible or is his type just set? I want him to feel about me how I feel about him, hes the only person in the world that is supposed to think I am perfect... I just dont have the body type to be super thin and lean, what will happen in 20 years time?? Im 23 and I wont look like this forever.. he says he thinks im sexy but as for visually I am not his idea of perfect.
I cant be barbie and I dont want ken? Humans are attractive to me, a real life individual human.

He seems like a total d*ck. Why would a good boyfriend ever consider telling you this? Why would he tell you you look bad in certain positions? If my girlfriend told me this, I'd tell her go find someone else who's perfect, and I'll find someone who accepts me for who I am.

I agree with the above poster. He has some serious issues. Nobody has the perfect body. Nobody. And if you're healthy, that's what should matter. If his messed up perspective is going to screw with your body image and confidence, I would seriously consider leaving.

I was with this woman off and on for almost 4 years, and she made somewhat similar comments about my body. I'm naturally thin, hardly have any boobs or hips, and I do not have much of a waist. I guess I'm the opposite of you. One day she said to me, "All you've done since I've known you is get thinner." It was not a compliment. You know, she wasn't "perfect" either, but I loved her, and I thought she was downright beautiful.

Some people get so hung up over the smallest details. It's a shame. Honestly, to me, some of the imperfections are the best parts. Sometimes I love a little belly! I thin it can be really cute.

i think hes the one with a problem. not that hes an asshole, he actually believes what he says (which is just as bad though). but your looks isnt something you can change, because from what ive read, you shouldnt change anything...except him

ask him to visit a psychiatrist. if he finds nothing wrong with him, its just how he is and you might wanna consider leaving him because if theres no love in a relationship, let the relationship die. the fact that he has a favored body type that he absolutely must have is weird to say at least.

note: on the blowjob part, its not professional pole vault theres not much to learn about it, all it takes is a few practices. he should tell you what to do, or even show you a porn, if theres something specific he likes, you should see it. also if you think masturbation is cheating, you have a problem as well masturbation becomes a problem only when a partner starts ignoring the other one's sexual needs because of it, if he wanks once or twice a day with your sex life being as you say, it shouldnt be a problem at all.

edit: i misread who gave who the oral sex so ignore the part oops for that

Well he says that he believes his idea of perfection is the way it is because of the fact he has only really seen women in magazines and porn.
His pmo addiction was effecting our relationship, especially the realization on my side. He had lied to me about it, I do not see it like cheating however I do see it as sexual attention given to himself or other women that should be for me. I think that getting off to other wome is an issue, I am ready for sex every day. I like it a lot and it should be enough.
My problem is why I am not enough, I believe I deserve to be with somebody who sees me as perfect and does not want other women, my body is not perfect but it is not in bad shape.. my stomach is flat and im pretty thin, I just have a more feminine type of body.
I want to know if it is possible for him to fix his silly ideals and if he can see and appreciate the real beauty in a real woman or is there no fix possible.
I want to be as beautiful to him as he is to me.. because I deserve that.

Hi Sharni,

your story sounds familiar. I have also had a relationship, where my partner wasn't satisfied with the way my body looked. Like yourself I would also consider myself as quite attractive (as do other people), with a good body. However after a while he started saying how my waist could be thinner and I should watch my stomach. *minor privacy edit* That hurt me deeply and I was never able to forget what he said. I ended up leaving him, due to his disrespectful behavior in more ways than one. That guy was a jerk.

Now I am not trying to tell you your boyfriend is a jerk. Also, since he seems to just tell you his honest feelings without wanting to change or "improve" you. That he watches porn is something quite natural for a man as long as its not excessive. I wouldn't really worry about that too much. You see, maybe even if you're not his ideal body, maybe you're his ideal mind and that is what really counts. I am very certain your boyfriend finds you attractive. From your description it seems your a girl many guys would adore. However his original taste was something different, but that doesn't necessarily mean, that he doesn't find you sexy.

My ideal man for example is tall and dark haired. However for the past relationships my boyfriends had all been blondes, quite untrained and skinny. There you go. Not my ideal, but I still found a liking to them. What matters in the end is what's inside. I now it sounds cliché but that's the way it is for me.

I think it might be too much to ask of him to find you as perfect as you find him. Maybe you could talk it out again. You don't need to be perfect on the outside to be perfect for each other.

sharni wrote:So my partner and I have been having a rough time lately with me finding out about his porn and masturbation addiction, we have always had what I thought was an amazing sex life. He has been hiding it and lying about it because of shame and guilt. He has completely stopped both despite a few urges when im not around of which I am very proud of him.
The realization that my partner was seeking sexual satisfaction via visual stimulants involving other women hurt me deeply. I have a very strong hold on my beliefs when it comes to love, morals and respect.
I began asking him why I wasn't enough, we have very regular sex, amazing beautiful and passionate sex.
I also do regard myself as an attractive female, I am a part time alt glamour model, that of the tattooed pinip type.
I am 5'2 and weigh about 51kg, I have a natural 32d breast and am an australian size 6.
I began wondering if this was some kind of void I was leaving in him, so I questioned him on his idea of me visually and his idea of perfect.
It turns out he is attracted to very thin lean women, he thinks my tummy is 'big' and my general body type is not his ideal but he 'thinks im perfect overall' he says he likes the look of tall lean women but likes the feel of small women. My body type is a curvy thin, if that makes sense im on the thinner side of hourglass.It took me most of my life to feel good about my shape and I feel like this is a million steps bbackwards for me.
He says that he believes his mind has been altered by the porn use and has left him with an ideal of women that is not possible. I am the second woman he has ever been with and the previous female was tall and on the thinner side but with a bad proportion so he seems to think it is okay to settle.
I think his body is all kinds of wonderful, he is my perfect type.
I dont understand why I am not his? He tells me that he has thought I didnt look nice in particular situations like performing oral sex on me.
He seems to think his mind can be fixed, that it is just damage caused by his addiction.
Is this possible or is his type just set? I want him to feel about me how I feel about him, hes the only person in the world that is supposed to think I am perfect... I just dont have the body type to be super thin and lean, what will happen in 20 years time?? Im 23 and I wont look like this forever.. he says he thinks im sexy but as for visually I am not his idea of perfect.
I cant be barbie and I dont want ken? Humans are attractive to me, a real life individual human.

Don't take this to heart. Whenever a woman pulls out a, sorry for being blunt, but a vibrator at the end of our sexual session, I never take it personal. Sometimes, reaching climax can be hard to do with pressure to do so and finding it artificially can be the most effective and pleasureful.

Men reach climax easier than women most of the time but there are times when men need to resort to porn just as women who need to use a toy. As humans we were designed to be promiscuous, so your partner finding other women attractive shouldn't affect you because it is 100% natural. Think to yourself, "would we be together originally if my mate didn't find me attractive?"

If the sex is as good as you describe, you'll have nothing to worry about because nothing beats the real touch and emotion of another human.

Guys go through phases in porn. For a while i was into watching anal, double penetration, gagging, you name it. None of these things did i want to do with my partner. After a while i tried a different kind of porn for a while and then moved onto something else.

Your partners porn habits are something better left alone. Focus on how he treats you and acts with you and dont go screefing through his internet history because what you find wont have any bearing on your sex life.

I commend his honesty. That you two are actually openly communicating about this and he is taking some responsibility is really really good!

However...

I think you are problem op, too. You want him to see you as perfect.

You need to change your perception (of yourself) as well my dear!

crystal_richardson_ wrote:I commend his honesty. That you two are actually openly communicating about this and he is taking some responsibility is really really good!

However...

I think you are problem op, too. You want him to see you as perfect.

You need to change your perception (of yourself) as well my dear!

I agree!