Mother disrespectful towards wife

This is my first time posting.

I am looking for advise.

My mother dislikes my wife. We have been married for 11 years and have two children ages 4 and 9.

Currently, my parents will only call me on my cell phone during the week while I am working. They will not call my name and never call to speak with my children. During the very rare visit, my mother will not even speak to my wife. On Christmas my wife said merry Christmas to my mother and she ignored her and gave her a nasty look.

This sort of thing has been going on for a while and I admit that I was in denial and have just come to terms with the reality of the situation.

When my mother called me last week to ask if she could come see the kids (first time she has asked in about 10 months. And they live 4 miles away), i got the courage to speak up.

I asked her if she had a moment to discuss some things that were bothering me and that I was hurt and upset about how she has been acting. She I turn said "why would you ask, you have had no problem giving me a hard time in the past" I told her i was upset that she hadn't bothered to see the kids since last April. That she hasn't even called them on the phone to see how they have been doing. She told me that she called every week since then and everything she asked me , I told her it wasn't a good time to come. I told her that she was making that up because she hadn't called once, not even when my grandfather was in the hospital or when he died a week later. My aunt called me to tell me he was not doing well and called me when he passed. I called her after he passed . She then tells me that she did call to see the kids and that she would get phone records to prove it. I talk her no, it is not true and asked why she can't call to speak with them. She then continues to tell me that she does not like my wife, will never have anything to do with her. I said so, you can't even call to speak with your grandchildren? She says, only if you guarantee that she doesn't pick up the phone when she calls. I told her she was being extremely disrespectful and that if she can not even call my children and if she can not be respectful to my wife, especially when she is in my home, that she could not come over. She said " I guess not" and hung up.

What should I do?

Up until my before my second child was born, things were pretty normal between all of us. There were some issues with my brothers girlfriend, who he later married then divorced. Because of the issues there, I did not attend his wedding because his wife was very nasty and spoke bad things about all the family members. My wife stood up to her because of all the bad things she was saying and after we cut ties with them. I think my mom held this agains my wife. Then over the next couple years, my mom and dad began to drink regularly and my odd became addicted to pain killers. They turned into different people and it was not the type of environment I wanted my kids around, so we stopped taking them to their house, but my parents continued to come to ours to see them.

3 years ago, we were going to go to my parents for Christmas Eve diner. My son was very excited to go. 1 hour before we were to go, my dad called and cancelled. He said that he didn't feel like doing dinner. My wife confronted them about constantly canceling on us and continuously disappointing our son. My mother holds that against her.

Last year when my son made his first communion, my parents pulled an all nighter the night before. They went to a party and drank until 5am the morning of his communion. They both showed up at the church reeking of cigarettes and alchohol.

You get the picture.

am I wrong for not reaching out to them any more? My sons birthday is at the end of the month and I don't even want to invite them. Anxiety sets in just thinking about it.

Grudo wrote:I told her i was upset that she hadn't bothered to see the kids since last April. That she hasn't even called them on the phone to see how they have been doing.

To be fair to her, they're not her children. I don't see it as odd that the grandparents wouldn't be very involved in their grandchildren's lives. Maybe you see thing differently due to the culture or environment you were raised in, but I just don't really see taking care of her grandchildren as her responsibility.

Grudo wrote:am I wrong for not reaching out to them any more? My sons birthday is at the end of the month and I don't even want to invite them. Anxiety sets in just thinking about it.

I don't think you're wrong for not reaching out to them. Not wanting to force negative influences onto your children or not wanting to bring hostile parties around your wife seem like valid reasons to me.

Thank you for your response.

I am not asking her to take care of them, just to have some involvement in my Children's lives.

As a side note. They do manage to visit their other grandchildren and make bi monthly trips , 4 hours hours away, out of state to visit my cousin and his children.

I guess it its difficult for me to cut ties because i hold the memory out the people they used to be.