arguing all the time

me and my girlfriend argue all the time over stupid things. i usually don't mean to start the arguments but i don't take them as seriously as she does so she gets more upset. for example i was annoyed she took so long to reply, and we got into a big argument. it starts chain reactions of bad moods.

we're only teenagers so i don't know what to do really, and i'm sorry for upsetting her but when things are on my mind i have to tell her

peaklite -

Mixed reaction. You are both young, and people's emotions tend to be more volatile during their teen years, but...

I'm not sure there is any great way to explain this, but I think most people with successful relationships (and careers) come to realize that there simply is nobody on the planet who is 'perfect', who is not going to annoy us from time to time.

Saying everything that is on our minds just because it's on our minds isn't really mandatory, it's a choice. Another choice is to to stop, reflect, consider how important whatever it is to us. Think about how important it is as compared with the overall relationship and the feelings of person/people we live, love and work with.

When everything, no matter how minor is cause for strife in a relationship, it becomes near impossible for others to know what really is important to us versus what is not. Worse still, it becomes harder for us to know what is really important to us! If any momentary feeling rises to the level of so important it's worth creating strife over, eventually we won't even understand ourselves what really matters to us.

Related...

By stopping, reflecting before speaking every passing thought/emotion, we change, and change is good! Things that use to annoy us, or bothered us at one point in our life we may later come to see in a whole new (and often laughable) light, not that important at all in the BIG picture... the BIG picture being those who love us, and that we love, matter most of all.

I'm not suggesting repressing all of our emotions either, but there is big grey area between the extremes of blurting out everything on our mind, and repressing everything on our mind. There also a big grey between what really matters to us and any minor thing others say/do that happens to annoy us, but that they didn't intend any harm. There are also many ways to communicate to others what we are feeling, our delivery, that can get the same message across with or without hurting their feelings.

Especially when it comes to those we love, of all the people on the planet, their feelings should matter to us enough that we consider their feelings too when we communicate with them.

xdude said it perfectly. You both have to accept each other for who you are. No one will ever be perfect, and loving someone is being able to look past those imperfections and love them anyways.

Also, not everything is necessary to say. Take some time to decide if there is any reason to say something, and if there is then bring it up.