Secret relationship, is it worth it ?

For a long story short. I was with my first love for 14 months. 7 months of which were spent in a long distance relationship between Ireland and France.

For the duration of the relationship it was fine but for one thing... The relationship was kept a secret from her parents. Not because we were too young (21/22) not because we are not from different backgrounds because we are both catholic and both the same race,) but for stupid reasons. Three weeks ago I became fed up hiding the relationship from my ex's parents because it was unfair in the relationship and it was affecting me. Especially in the long distance relationship when Skype calls or even phone calls were not allowed.

As a result of over a year dealing with this secrecy I decided to take matters into my own hands and fly to France to face her parents. I know it should of been her responsibility but I couldn't wait any longer and I'm not sure many other men would cope with that secrecy either.... Before I left Dublin I told her of my intentions and her reaction was to break off with me, not to try convince me not to go but to just cut the bridge with me. After an emotional breakup, within the hour I fled off to Paris and told everything to her mother, on who I really was and why I couldn't hide anymore. She didn't act surprised but told me to stay away from her daughter. They didn't approve because of me, but because of their rules and circumstances. It was a measure of last resort... And it wasn't my first time flying to Paris to try fix things either...

I feel as if I've done everything I possibly could have for this relationship but have not received equal in return. I could have stayed quiet and did nothing, continued on in secret relationship but I couldn't feel myself.... I feel as if I did the right thing for my own good. Although I may have crossed a line but flying to her home a thousand miles away, it did it out of love and to prove how much I still love her.

It's been three weeks and she told me to never contact her again after i told her parents so I left it at that. I know that she still loves me deep down but if she truly does, wouldn't something of happened by now ? I don't know whether to move on or wait for something to happen. I had my heart broken twice by her and I don't want there to be a third if I take her back...

She is an adult. You are an adult. She isn't beholden to her parents wishes. If she wanted to make it happen, she could make it happen. You put forth an effort, it didn't work. If she's not interested in making it work in spite of the circumstances, it's not worth it for you.

Ashlar wrote:She is an adult. You are an adult. She isn't beholden to her parents wishes. If she wanted to make it happen, she could make it happen. You put forth an effort, it didn't work. If she's not interested in making it work in spite of the circumstances, it's not worth it for you.

Thanks for the honest and direct opinion. Although you may be certainly correct, I'm sure it's has a bit more to do with it, such as reasons that I can't control ie. her parents.

To put it this way, I'll let go, if she comes back it was meant to happen, if not, It was for my own good. But it doesn't mean it's off the table because I didn't do anything wrong but stand up for myself.

Thanks for your answer. I'll remember your words.