Am i the abuser or the victim?

moved to Relationships

I haven't physically assaulted her in anyway, she has hit me twice over the years
i very rarely would start an argument, but i would stand my ground. If she was drunk and being unreasonable, i would leave her to it. best i could anyway and try to keep out of the way.
I did control the money, the money that came into my bank id pay whatever was needed and give her anytime she asked, understand, she had benefits going into her own bank too, she paid no bills, yes she bought food and mostly alcohol petrol etc, but i tried to pay what i could, she even had child support from me into her account . In the end i worked it out i needed to pay £150 more a month than i earned. While she had £500 in hers for which she needed to pay nothing. I spent on average 5-10 a month on myself... nothing more.
Did i rage? yes, there's been twice in our 4.5 year history were i could have appeared aggressive, not at her, at objects nearby.. one time was due to her saying things about my daughter i really didn't like or believe were fact.
Anyway due to child services being inolved for our son and her daughter i now appear to be an abuser. Im absolutely heart broken. I did the best i could dealing with someone who had a lot of problems.
To quote my own daughter "what are you doing? shes ruining your life" from a 12year old...
And i haven't helped myself, last night she found out i disabled the internet, the internet i pay for at the property, and the big phone bill she ran up, which i paid, with no thanks.. so obviously she rared up at me, i knew nothing about child services perception of me. so yes, i returned every bitter word with one of my own.
For the first time since she went quiet she talked to me, on text, ok she wasn't happy, i wasn't abusive, i told her straight, on one hand i told her how upset i was but on the other, i do love her.
Anyway, i am in the spotlight, unfairly i believe.. either that or i have a different perception,
What i want to do, is clear my name with child services, i dont want any problems further in. unfortuantley i can see no easy way of doing that, i dont want to carry this on me forever,
anyway thanks for reading so far, woill update later im so miffed at the mmoment

i know how you may feel i am going through the same relationship but with more violence history our daughter is in temporary residence order, my partner / ex smokes weed and will not quit anytime soon.i am trying my hardest to help i have no support no freinds no family support nothing i feel awfull in myself all i want is my daughter back but its hard to get rid of someone when ther is feelings there not so much as there was 7 years ago but i do still care it would be a dream to get the life i want with him anyway.i get walked all over abuse and he comes over mine to eat sleepthen wake up and go again and im left in the s--- again.Do i even have a breaking point, more worrying what will it be...

What i want to do, is clear my name with child services, i dont want any problems further in.

Maybe you should call them. I don't know that they "label" people as abusers. I would think not.