Getting a bit creepy now

So, many of you have read my original post about my growing obsession with a certain 7th grade girl. Well it has gotten worse. As I said before, my schoolwork is slipping b/c I can't get her off of my mind. My best grade is a 44. I've jut failed my third English test, which has brought my English grade down to somewhere in the 20's. I just can't focus anymore. It sucks because last school year I had honor roll for all four quarters, so I feel like I'm letting my teachers and myself down.

Anyways, like the title implied, it's getting a bit more creepy. I've started paying a bit more attention to what classrooms she goes to, and so I have worked out part of her class schedule. I've already found out what her locker number is. I tried to tell myself that I'm not technically stalking her, seeing as I'm not following her directly or camping out in the bushes in front of her house with a pair of binoculars. I'm starting to scare myself a bit. It's starting to feel as if my entire world is revolving around her.

I've been wanting to post this for a while now, but I just wanted to find the right way to word this. Even now I'm not quite sure if I worded it right. Thanks for reading.

You need to get ahold of yourself. You are responsible for your own actions. The obsession affecting your grades has more to do with you allowing it to be an excuse and a distraction than it has to do with the problem itself. You have the ability to decide what you want to think about and what you want to do with your time. You have to prioritize yourself and your own welfare.

So I think the first question should be what do you think is motivating this stalking behavior? What do you get out of it? Is she so pretty that you enjoy watching her? Is stalking her thrilling for you? You get what I'm asking?

The obsession affecting your grades has more to do with you allowing it to be an excuse and a distraction than it has to do with the problem itself.

Yes, it's quite possible that I'm using my obsession as a scapegoat for my tendency to procrastinate and be a bit lazy.

Is she so pretty that you enjoy watching her?

Yes, that's just about the exact reason. I have no idea what makes her so special in my eyes, though, because there are many pretty 7th grade girls. There just seems to be something about her demeanor that pulls me in. She seems to be a bit quiet and shy (though she may not be like this, I've never spoken more than four words to her). However, I usually find that my eyes gravitate towards her face. There just seems to be this unearthly prettiness about her face that really grabs my attention.

Is stalking her thrilling for you?

Yes, I think you got another bull's eye. It is quite a thrill. Just catching a glimpse of her is a thrill. Everything about her captivates me in a way no other girl has before. If I see her then I instantly feel happy inside. If she's not at school then I consider it a day wasted. If I go a day without seeing her then I feel depressed and moody. I almost told another person about it just to get her on my team for my school's winter carnival! Then I realized that would be a bad idea because the person who plans the teams is not a very trustworthy person. But the simple idea that I might have done that, when a few months ago I was anxious about anybody finding out about my attraction to her, is frightening to me. It feels as though in the past few months I've become a completely different person. If I traveled back in time to tell my younger self what he was to become, then he probably would have been disturbed. Sometimes I feel like I want nothing more than to be in a relationship with her. I hate the feeling of obsession. The feeling that the entirety of your being is dependent on a single entity is one that is tearing me apart from the inside.

If I've disturbed anyone with my little wall of text, then I'm sorry. I've been bottling up these feelings for what feels like forever, and I know that I could never tell a word of this to anyone I know. Not even the few people who know of my attraction to her. To them it seems like an innocent little attraction that everyone gets from time to time. If they knew that it had escalated this much, then they'd probably never look at me the same. While typing this, it feels as though I've tapped into the darkest part of my mind, and words and feelings just started flowing through my fingertips. I've finally been able to let out most of my feelings, but for some reason, I only feel worse. Once again, thanks for reading.

Is it possible that you simply lack a feeling of fulfillment in your life and that you're stalking her to add a spark or renew your sense of interest in life?

Or do you think other factors are at work? You're not OCD, borderline, or anything of that nature are you?

I have been feeling like I'm in a bit of a rut lately. I may be subconsciously searching for a spark to spice my life up a little. That might also explain why I've started watching scary movies and playing scary games when I used to steer quite clear of things like that.

It could very well be that I lack a feeling of fulfillment in my life. I'm 18 and I've never had a romantic relationship of any sort. I've never kissed a girl, I've never gone on a date, anything. Last year when I was getting near-perfect grades it felt like a gf was the only thing missing from my life. I was and still am friends or at least on good terms with most of my fellow students of all grades, which still baffles me, seeing as I'm not that much of a likable person. Last year I really had it made. At that time she was still in the elementary school end of the building, so she never really stood out to me. Life was good.

I've never been professionally diagnosed with OCD or Borderline or anything of that sort. I guess I could always ask my doctor or something the next time I go in for a check-up.

I was reading this and I just got the idea that may be if you start to see her flaws as well you might start to think of her as just another person and not have these overwhelming feelings and thoughts about her. If you think your stalking her take a step back look at what your doing and just think I need to stop doing this. If you feel it's just a normal crush I wouldn't be worried but it seems to be messing things up in your life. I get obsessed with people and I have to see there flaws to start treating them just like another person. It docent mean you wont want to know her any more when you get to a normal level it just means it's more healthy and you will get over it. Kissing a girl feels so good but you want to find a girl you can feel normal with, not one that upsets you.

It's funny that you posted this because she just turned 13 so she now has a Facebook. I believe that this is both good and bad. It's bad because this means that I can stalk her fb page. It's good because if I do do that, I might find out a bit more about her and see whether she's all my mind has made her up to be. So I'm afraid I'll have to do a bit more of stalking before this can all blow over. However, if she is like I imagine her to be (which she most likely isn't) then I'm not sure where it will go from there. I'm glad she finally has a fb because it's the only way I'll find anything out about her without actually talking to her.

This just needs to stop. Your excuses for the lack of a little tact and self-control don't exactly make this any better. Either talk to this girl or don't and be done with it. Be a human being. Best yet, just start talking to more girls your own age. It doesn't matter what about. It doesn't have to have any intentions or debate. Just socialize with appropriate people.

Talk to more girls my own age? I'm already friends with all of the girls in my class and in the class below me! I've asked pretty much all of them out at one point or another. None of them are interested in being more than friends. I don't have my license or even my permit so I can't exactly go out of town and meet new people. The only people I usually socialize with at school are my fellow seniors and most of the kids from the 10th and 11th grades. So I believe I do socialize with appropriate people. That doesn't help my obsession at all. It's not easy to just "be done with it" when I see her nearly every day of the week. I can't explain it. I can't stop it by just snapping my fingers and saying, "hey, I'm not attracted to her anymore!" I also have nearly no opportunities to speak with her. We're not in any classes together, and I can't just walk up to her at lunch and introduce myself. It's harder than you think, you know.