Complicated Relationship Problems

So here's the basic story.

I'm Jake, I'm a teen dealing with a bit of a friend crisis. I was bullied in middle school, so my social circles have remained relatively small. Like, very small. 4 good friends. I met one about a year and a half ago. Her name is Alice. She seemed like the perfect girl for me. She and I both were very anti-social, England-loving, Band Geeks. We became really good friends and after a while, I mustered up the courage to ask her out. She was tentative about this, saying she didn't want to hurt our friendship. (not in a friendzoney kind of way) We worked it out and began dating. Sadly, not only had I fallen in love with her, she broke it off about 2 months in.

The thing about Alice is that she sort of has a lot of… interesting quirks, she has several forms of synesthesia (basically she can see and taste sound) as well as a form of Aspergers. (which I only found out about recently) So after she broke it off, with a 90 second phone call, she then proceeded to not talk to me for almost 2 months, which needless to say, kinda pissed me off. Of course, I have always had an issue with expressing my emotions, and when I finally do, it's Oscar worthy.

So summer break comes and goes and her friend Sarah transfers to our school. Suddenly, Alice, who was always calm and content, suddenly lights up like a Christmas Tree at a bonfire in dry season. I admit to being taken aback by this a bit. She finally invited me back into her social circle and we started hanging out again.

Now there's a different issue. The issue is me.

I've never really been the same ever since she broke up with me. I've become very depressed, my academics slipped, I became very vein and unpleasant to be around, and the real kicker, I HAVE NO IMPULSE CONTROL ALL OF THE SUDDEN. If you did a before and after comparison, I'm now two separate people. I'm more prone to violent outbursts, sometimes making incredibly stupid decisions. (Not alcohol or drugs)

I have this bad tendency of, not exactly hitting her, but, let's just say, I'm not above giving a light shove on the shoulder every once in a while. Alice… not so much. About a month ago, she was joking about locking someone in her basement (typical Alice) and I jokingly tapped her on the head with my glove and said, "No. We don't do that."

She didn't talk to me for 5 days.

My most recent f-up probably just cost me my friendship with her. She was really irritating me, I'd had a bad day and wanted to go home and I angrily mumbled, "I wonder if a punch to the trachea would shut you up." She asked where the trachea was, and I (so stupidly) jabbed her with my finger, in her neck.

After several regret filled hours, I messaged her on Facebook and apologized. She then responded that she didn't want to be friends anymore. And I don't blame her one bit.

My question is, is it to late to try and save our friendship? I've been trying to deal with this aggressiveness issue for a while. Just when I think I have a grip on it, this happens. I still love her, hard as that may be to believe, even though I'm such a prick and she pisses me off sometimes.

What do I do?

Jake98 wrote:What do I do?

You can do whatever you want to do. What I might do though if I was in your situation is:

--First off, I'd dismiss any statement from her that you're relationship with her is finished or terminated. For example, if she says to you, "I don't want talk to you anymore", you respond with something like, "All right see you around", or "See you later". The purpose of doing is that it immediately establishes dominance and women have a preference for men whom they can't boss around. Ultimately what she wants is malleable and what she says doesn't really matter.

--If she starts to bicker with you, then you ignore her. If she asks you why you don't leave her alone, I'd say once and only once in these exact words "Because I'm your friend, I love you, and you're not getting rid of me that easily." If you're having a physical conversation with her, look her in the eyes for a couple of seconds and then look away. Either she'll be floored or she'll start to bicker with you and then you simply ignore her. This will establish trust and a sense of safety.

--After that, you continue to interact with her as though she never said anything about ending the friendship in the first place. At this point, it's just a matter of conditioning her to behave the way you want her too. If she acts in a way that you like, then you reward her. If she acts in way that you don't like, you punish her. (Maybe you make fun of the way she's acting or you say malicious meant to be hurtful. You always shortly go back to treating her normally though giving her a chance to get it right next time.)

--If you really want to trigger sexual attraction for you, after giving her the line that you're her friend and you love her, shortly later start dating another girl. Any girl who is of comparable attractiveness or greater attractiveness will work. Women are more attracted to men whom other women are attracted to. Also, if she has any lingering attachment to you, she'll feel jealous and she'll think to her herself, "Oh $#%^, I'm in love with this guy". It will put her in the role of the desiree rather than the desired and change the power balance in your favor significantly.

I completely agree with Kabuhi, you have done wrong by making her your center of universe and its she who is calling the shots in your relationship and you have become like a sheep, who she can herd like a shepherd.

So for once realize that you are special, love yourself and realize that you must be loved and respected. It is very important to be completely chilled out and calm in a relationship.

Thanks to both of you for your advice. I realized that posting near midnight, I left a few details out. My friend Sarah, who is also Alice's best friend, has been noticing this pattern in Alice for a while. She said she would not pick sides, but try to moderate and calm the situation down.

Alice has a really bad habit of zoning out people who irritate her in the very slightest. She will often exclaim with a huge grin on her face, "I hate all of you." She's joking of course, but it's half-true.

I hope things turn your way, it is obvious that you like Alice a lot but remember you must try and not be affected by every thing she does. Remember a girl loves and confident man and not some body whom they can boss over.