Newb seeking advice

Hello all,

I usually do not open up to many, but just feel I need some type of direction on what to do to soothe my mind and bring some peace back to my daily thoughts.

To make a long story short, at 15 years old I gave up my child for adoption, worked through the rest of my life for the next 29 years without any therapy or talking about my experience and one day receive an email asking if a certain date (my childs birthdate) meant something to me. Of course I was overwhelmed with emotions, both good and bad (the experience consisted of much abandonment throughout).

I fully accepted the questions and supplied/answered any and all questions sent.

This was a prayer answered for me and I poured my heart out. At about the six month mark, with only emails and Facebook communications, he pulled away and was not responding to emails. I received an email finally that thanked me for bringing him into this world and for not having an abortion but was not ready to start a relationship. Sadness for me.

I respected this and would only send the occasional email wishing him a happy birthday or merry Christmas, occasionally a few questions (i.e. what is your fav. color, foods, etc- very very simple questions)- never a response.

Now it has been just over 3 years since he found me and I received an email out of the clear blue a couple weeks back basically trying to make amends (he told me in the beginning he was a recovering drug and alcohol addict) reiterating his thanks for bringing him into the world and, in short, he lied to me. He admitted he only wanted to use me for information only and never wants a relationship.

Gut punch.

So I was abandoned by his father while pregnant, and now abandoned again 32 years later by my child I've only seen once.

I'm taking Cymbalta to help keep me on the level for the past few years with this, but my mind is obsessed with thoughts of him and his life. I cannot seem to move forward and set my mind at ease knowing I, myself, cannot do anything about his decision. I hate that it takes over my "non-busy" thoughts day and night.
What can I do to help myself not feel I failed? That I can fix this? that I cannot fix this.

Thank you for reading- please respond and I will answer.

Hi Krypto. Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry that you were hurt by your son's actions. It's a tough situation, tho I'm sure there are other folks who have been in your shoes and can relate. I'm not sure the intro section is the best place for the post tho. This section tends to be more for an intro insisting of some background and biographical details. People don't ask and answer questions a lot here so I am going to move your thread into the relationship forum, leaving a shadow thread in place here, so you'll get some more views and increase your chance of replies.

Take care,
Jan