Men's feelings

This is neutral environment enough to ask.
I've been hanging around in PD forums, but now Im curious if anyone else has experienced something like this.
I had a shortish relationship with a guy I already have diagnosed as narcissist or even antisocial.
Really sick things happened, and he even himself said he is sick..depressed etc.

But his biggest problem in relationships seemed to be getting stuck on people. Not handling the pervious break up, not even ending it properly. Not able to say yes this is over. (this is also typical for narcissists)
Leaving people hanging around, blaming them about everything.
But he genuinely appeared to be lost.

So what Im asking is, does anyone have similar experiences?
If I would at this moment bump into him, he would act like he still want's me, has feelings towards me. Even though he disappeared, and by that made sure it's over.
This is how he had it with all of his ex's. Almost like they were his possession since then.(Again, sick)

But Im wondering could this kind of behavior also have some other explanation. Experiences?

In general most people with PD's aren't in touch with their emotions or, the case of a Narc, don't have empathy or experience real love at all.

A Narcissist may confuse wanting or loving with needing the supply of their (ex)partner though and by having the false selfperception of being perfect he believes everybody must love him and want him back.

By not breaking up properly the Narc leaves the door open to walz back into your life and can keep a hold on you. Perhaps by playing the friend card as well which gives them supply of your attention, affection or sex, with no responsibility or commitment. It also stops you from being able to move on.

If you make clear to a Narc that you are not interested in him anymore his self-image is shattered, will likely blame you, but also start suffering or get depressed. But he is not grieving the loss of you, but grieving the damage done to his ego.

So best you can do is stay out of his life completely, and if do manage to run into him really set your boundaries.

Hi Kiskiskis -

I did notice the title of your thread is "Men's feelings". I don't have any specific thoughts about what you've experienced, but it can happen that after being in a relationship with someone who has issues, an extreme personality type, that we can start to see those traits in "everybody" or in whole groups of people. We can end up looking for those traits in others even when they don't exist, or end up involving ourselves in relationships with the same type of people over and over. In some cases, the deeper issue is that we are sub-consciously choosing the same personality type over and over, despite that the vast majority of other potential partners don't have those traits.

It sounds like this is a new experience for you, but just to be sure, have you had similar experiences with guys before? I ask because of the title of your thread implies there is a bit more to it then just this one guy.

So that was your first impression too.
No Don't want back into that, or to have anything to do with him. He tried that.
And knows I don't want to, maybe that's why he seemed so angry and bitter.

That wasn't really the point, but on NPD people thought narcissists would leave their victims alone after "using".
So I thought could there be some other reason for this kind of behavior. But he is a narcissist Im quite sure of that.

xdude wrote:have you had similar experiences with guys before?

No I haven't, not ever, only this one guy. I had 10 years relationship with just normal balanced guy.
Maybe the headline is a bit funny, but what I meant was men in general are sometimes a bit hard to understand - could there be something like in this case too.

But no, this sad picture of relationship was so weird.

Kiskiskis wrote:Maybe the headline is a bit funny, but what I meant was men in general are sometimes a bit hard to understand - could there be something like in this case too.

But no, this sad picture of relationship was so weird.

LOL, well for whatever it is worth, we guys often say women are a bit hard to understand too

More generally we can't diagnose him here, but regardless of any label/diagnosis, it is true that people with extreme personalities exist. They can be charming, intriguing, exciting (at first). Ironically it's because of their extreme personalities that we can be attracted to them, but longer term those same personality traits that enable them to act in the over-the-top ways also often end up being the same traits that make them hard to have a long term relationship with.

Also speaking very generally, and just a personal opinion (i.e., not fact, just from my experiences), sure, you may see a degree of narcissistic traits in many men. People with personality disorders are really not all that different from anyone else other then they tend to be extreme in their thinking/feeling and perception of themselves/others as compared with the norm. Another way to look at it is that PDs can be coping mechanisms, sometimes a way a person copes with deeper self-esteem issues. In that case the self-esteem issues come first, but the person compensates via extreme thinking/feelings to mask how they really feel. The type of coping mechanisms they choose in life depends on many factors, but I think people will tend to choose whatever seems to work with the least amount of effort. For males, a personality that is self-centered, a go getter, a big ego, extreme sex drive, even aggressive, etc., is a kind of iconic personality (i.e., portrayed as a winner in movies, books, pop music culture) that males may learn attracts women, so males who are compensating may choose that route to hide from their self-esteem issues.