Confused about relationship with cousin.

Hi..I have a female cousin who is also my best friend. We had shared a kiss(tongue involved ) when we were 7 or 8 years old. I still remember that kiss and can't get it out of my head. We are in our early 20's now, And im really afraid that these old sub-concious moments are coming back to haunt me. I dont want to ruin my relationship with her. What are some ways i can "delete" the kiss from my subconcious...? I just want her to be my best friend.

carvaka -

For whatever it is worth, I don't personally believe in trying to 'delete' memories. The past is the past, what happened happened, and selective memory potentially can be result in a very confused understanding of ourselves.

Instead I would try to see those old memories in a new light. In this case you were both young kids, limited life experience, your intellect and awareness of self/others was still developing. You are now both older, you're not the kids you once were.

For example I took some other kids toy truck at age 7, but I know now as an adult that's not how to treat others and I don't steal. I'm not going to beat myself up over something I did as a child forever, and I'm 99.9% sure that other kid has long since gotten over it too

That's not to make light of your question, as there is clearly an aspect affecting you now, but really if you two had a fight at age 7/8 or any other regretful interactions, you'd have written it off as the past.

Indeed, most memories are worth hanging onto since even the negative ones have something to teach us. In this case, since the kiss is causing you problems now simply take it for what it was, two young chidlren imitating what they saw somewhere and trying it for themselves. Age of accountability varies by culture and time period, but no one ever anywhere would fault a child of 7 or 8 for kissing.

Objectively, one kiss is the same as another, it's onyl what we associate with it that makes them seem different. Lip-kisses or kisses to the cheek are innocent, tongue-kissing isn't. But just because in the west we associate the latter with sexuality doesn't mean it inherently is. Though I don't think they tongue-kiss, one protestant denomination practices what they call holy kissing at their services. During the portion in the beginning of a service, as in other denoms, everyone pauses and introduces themselves to who they're sitting near, shakes hands, maybe hug. These people take it one step further. But because of the context of a religious service it isn't sexual or a thing to be objected too even though it amounts to 'casual kissing.'

Thank you for awesome answers!

I like the idea of associating the kiss to similar events like fights over small stuff...Man that's a really brilliant idea. I think that will be a great cue to help me stop making a big fuss over a kiss. Thanks for the advise xdude and HesDeltanCaptain..( I stole stuff from a corner store as well once, for thrills) We all do crazy things as kids. Thank you so much for the advise and sharing your experiences guys(and gals). Much appreciated

And you guys are right about hanging onto memories as well..There is always something we can learn from them, and after all memories play a big role in forming our identity.

carvaka wrote:Thank you for awesome answers!

I like the idea of associating the kiss to similar events like fights over small stuff...Man that's a really brilliant idea. I think that will be a great cue to help me stop making a big fuss over a kiss....

Glad to help. It is a very useful technique in general; use of an analogy or similar event can help to shed some new light on our sense of things