Best ways to deal with being forever alone?

I either have Asperger's or an attachment disorder so I am unable to have friends and obviously can never have a girlfriend. For years I was using marijuana to deal with the emptiness (from lack of love), loneliness (from lack of relationships), and constant boredom (having nothing to do). It's probably the safest medication but I want to be able to live life without it. Are there any other ways to deal with that?

Part of the reason people are unhappy is because they desire stuff they can't have so I am now thinking that if I can just accept that I will be forever alone and just realize that people such as myself don't get to experience that aspect of life that I may be able to be happy.

Hi there.

I'm really sorry for your situation but do you really believe that you will be forever alone? My opinion on this, and I hope I do not offend you in any way at all because that is not my intention, is that trying to accept that you will be forever alone may make you feel worse? I mean no one likes to be alone, I sure don't but I don't think its definite that someone will be forever alone.

And if you don't mind me asking what is an attachment disorder? Is it like you get super attached to someone or something?

-Aelita

Well, I used to think I was hopeless, and I don't feel that way anymore (I have new issues now, ugh). But seriously, try to start small, don't expect to fall madly in love with one person. Just try to find one person who you enjoy talking to, and if some days you don't feel like socializing don't, but sometime you will, and you should just try to make friends. Once you have like 3 friends you'll find they introduce you to new people, and you can try to maybe attend a party (I really find these overwhelming a lot of times).

How old are you BTW? Things will change a lot for you between teens and late 30s, after that you will probably have to work harder, but people are also less judgmental by that point I feel.

SecondhandHeart224 wrote:Hi there.

I'm really sorry for your situation but do you really believe that you will be forever alone? My opinion on this, and I hope I do not offend you in any way at all because that is not my intention, is that trying to accept that you will be forever alone may make you feel worse? I mean no one likes to be alone, I sure don't but I don't think its definite that someone will be forever alone.

And if you don't mind me asking what is an attachment disorder? Is it like you get super attached to someone or something?

-Aelita

Well I just don't see how anything can change and given that this has pretty much been the way I've lived my entire life I am honestly unsure of what I can do different. An attachment disorder is essentially when the child goes unloved by their parents and fails to form a healthy bond. My therapist says that since I was unable to get love that as I defense mechanism I dissociated and shut down. I never actually learned how to develop connections with other people or feel that "warm fuzzy" feeling inside because part of me decided I don't need that and thus spent my whole life isolating myself in a lonely defensive position.

Was under the impression people with lots of pot didn't have problems finding friends, even if they're only into them for the pot Relationships are always about mutual benefit so making a friend who's only into you initially for the pot sharing shouldn't be considered anything less than those who hook up for money, gifts, or other 'stuff.' And if you're both high a lot, you're Asperger's and other quirks shouldn't be a big deal. Potheads being some of the mellowest people around.

SomeLoser wrote:
Well I just don't see how anything can change and given that this has pretty much been the way I've lived my entire life I am honestly unsure of what I can do different. An attachment disorder is essentially when the child goes unloved by their parents and fails to form a healthy bond. My therapist says that since I was unable to get love that as I defense mechanism I dissociated and shut down. I never actually learned how to develop connections with other people or feel that "warm fuzzy" feeling inside because part of me decided I don't need that and thus spent my whole life isolating myself in a lonely defensive position.

Well you don't have to try making friends really quick like Louisina said. Take things slow and that "warm fuzzy feeling" or anything like that will just naturally come if you just don't worry about it. I only have 2 friends and I got them by just doing me. I don't talk to people and when I try I just freeze and cant say a word and I look like an idiot, I never thought id make any friends but I made two just naturally. I didn't try it just happened (if you know what I mean) so when it comes to love don't try to make it happen, just let it happen. Same with making friends or forming close relationships with people. You may not have been bale to do it with your parents but that doesn't mean you can't do it at all.

-Aelita

HesDeltanCaptain wrote:Was under the impression people with lots of pot didn't have problems finding friends, even if they're only into them for the pot Relationships are always about mutual benefit so making a friend who's only into you initially for the pot sharing shouldn't be considered anything less than those who hook up for money, gifts, or other 'stuff.' And if you're both high a lot, you're Asperger's and other quirks shouldn't be a big deal. Potheads being some of the mellowest people around.

So true. Just go find some people that do whatever you do. Hopefully they're not assholes and you can be friends with them.

All you really need to accept is that you're putting yourself in this cycle and you should just step outside your comfort zone a little and meet people.