Are men less social than women?

It is commonly assumed that men have less of a need for socialization than women do. I have a theory that this might not be true. Instead, both genders have the same exact need: both genders would prefer to socialize with women. Now, when a woman wants to socialize with women, she is welcomed. When man wants to do it, the woman decides that he wants sex, so he gets shunned. As a result, man is limited to his fellow men. But "neither" gender wants to socialize with men. So, as a result, a man becomes less social.

Maybe if, for the sake of experiment, you take a random girl and "limit" her to men, she would be less social too! So men are not any different from her in that respect. But, again, even if you do perform this experiment, no one will interpret it in this way: people will say that a girl is less social because she is being "sexually threatened by men" whereas a man in this exact situation is less social because "he only wants sex and he has no sexual objects around". But maybe its just a wrong assumption people make? Maybe both a man and a woman has same exact need: to be around women for social, not sexual, purposes. But no one gets it because of their preconception that men have to be obsessed with sex.

Now, if you do take my interpretation rather than other peoples -- namely that both men and women prefer socializing with women and that they do so for the same exact reasons -- then you will no longer say men are less social. Men simply don't have as many women welcoming them as women do.

I think men are more social. They like stuff, like football, ruby, cricket, baseball, group games. Men are herd animals. Men are pack animals more like dogs, woman are more loners like cats.Go in any pub in the UK and you find men huddled around the bar together. The women are at home.

But "neither" gender wants to socialize with men. So, as a result, a man becomes less social.

Don't really agree with that.

In one book I read the author (an introverted female, who wrote a book about how she felt judged for being a female who, like most introverts, enjoys some socialization, just not often or for too long), argues that men and women are pretty equal when it comes to how they score on introversion vs extroversion tests. About 50/50 for both sexes. I have no idea if her statistics are correct, but the book was a good read.

However the same author wrote that cultural (aka social) preference for introversion vs extroversion are much less balanced. Some societies (like the one I grew up in) favor extroverted behavior, but there are some that seem to favor introverted behavior. Exactly how that plays out in terms of under what circumstances people are expected to socialize, as well as how much with the same/opposite sex varies too.

Of course there are evolutionary psychological theories about this question too.

It is an interesting question for sure! Curious why you brought it up too

Never felt that way as fraternities, social clubs, and sporting events can attest. Plus men are usually very active politically (women too but let's face it, it's a male-dominated club in the US at least.) As primates, we're extremely social from the very beginning of seeking mates to reproduce (or just have fun,) to forming communities for benefits everything's a social exercise for both of us. Lone wolves get eaten, packs flourish.

I guess I wasn't specific enough. When I was talking about "social" what I really mean was emotional closeness. So games don't count.

Please re-read my original post while mentally replacing "social" with "emotionally close", and tell me what you think.

I don't believe men are less social, but perhaps more direct in their social needs. I think women have a need to be understood, which is why we share our secrets with each other. Men however don't seem to need the approval of their peers. My point is that men and women socialize for different reasons, is one better than another? Nope. But there is a big difference, besides, every single man and women, are different. We are dynamic people.

danyellmarie296 wrote:I think women have a need to be understood,

I am a man and I also have a need to be understood. In fact my impression is the opposite. I always want to explain myself to girls while girls are the ones who don't want to listen to my explanations. As a matter of fact, a lot of girls that rejected me told me that their prime reason was that they were tired of how I try to push them into various discussions when I "dissect little things that don't even exist".

Now, I have a theory as to why this might be the case. Perhaps it is defense mechanism. There was at least one girl -- Anne -- who herself invited me to have discussion. But then, I didn't think through what I was going to say since I figured I can just say things on the spot. As a result, I ended up saying "drop you" when I meant "drop the subject" among other things. This made her cry. Then, when I decided to clarify what I meant in order to "solve" the "problem" that I caused, she said she was "done talking about it". Yet she continued interacting with me, despite being more distant. THen I picked up on her being more distant and was dissecting various little things I told her or she told me. THen later SHE told ME that I worry about little things that don't even exist.

See the irony here? At first I was the one who thought that using the word "drop" is "little" which made her cry. Yet later on she was the one who said I was overfocused on "little" things while she became oh so forgetful. So maybe its a defense mechanism.

Now, if it IS defense mechanism, then maybe women have exact same needs men do, its just the question about CLUMSINESS. If men are "too clumsy" to provide these needs at the right time, then women no longer need it a minute later. So a woman would be complaining "at 12:00 I wanted to talk to him and he refused to talk" while a man would be complaining "from 12:10 up until 4:00 I wanted to talk to her and she refused to talk". But you see, a woman is simply unaware as to what happened from 12:10 and 4:00 since she has already shut down by 12:05. That's why all she knows is that she wanted to talk and the man refused to. A man, on the other hand, knows that his intention was to talk, and what happened at 12:00 was just a moment of clumsiness. So from mans point of view a woman is the one who refuses to talk.

I think one thing in which women are different than men is that women can "shut down". You see, if a woman doesn't have a discussion with me while I am the one who want one, then I would obsess about it. The more I am not getting what I want, the more I obsess. On the other hand, when woman doesn't get what she wants, she doesn't obsess; instead she simply says to herself that she doesn't need it any more. And that's the ultimate thing that stands in a way of "fixing" things. You see, if one of the women who hurt me in the past were to come back to me and talk, I would never say "you hurt me I don't want to talk"; quite the opposite: the more they hurt me the more I will want to talk! So I don't understand why women don't want to talk to someone who hurt them. Why don't they want to have it clarified so that it would hurt less?

But then again, maybe I am not quite right in saying women would shut down: after all women DO end up complaining to their fellow women. Well, if they "have time" to complain to the fellow women, why don't they "have time" when I offer them the clarification of what I said or why? I actually remember I talked about it to one of the women (no I didn't hurt her I was asking her perspective about hypothetical situation IF I did) and she said "why would I want to talk to you if you are the one who hurt me". Well if I am the one who hurt her then that is PRECISELY WHY she SHOULD want to talk to me: after all the one who hurt her is the best person to undo the hurt.

Let me give you an example to illustrate why I think that way. So here I am talking to you in order to understand better what Anne did. Now if you explain her point of view then yes I would feel SOMEWHAT better; but I won't be healed completely since you are not Anne so what you say is just a guess and thus doesn't address the real thing directly. On the other hand, IF I were to get ANNE to come back and talk to me then it would help me MUCH BETTER since she would be able to give me factual reasons why she, in fact, did what she did. Its simply that Anne no longer talks to me that's why I have no choice but talking to others about her. But IF she were willing to talk, she would be at the top of my priority list of someone to talk to -- and that is BECAUSE she hurt me.

So I don't get women's reasons of "not talking" to someone because that person hurt them. I mean the person who hurt them would be much better qualified in "undoing" the hurt rather than all the third parties put together.

danyellmarie296 wrote: which is why we share our secrets with each other.

I like sharing secrets too. But here is a catch: I only like sharing them with my female audience. No I don't mean just significant other. I mean, lets say I decided to go to a counseling. I would prefer female counselor to male counselor since I would be willing to share more with a female counselor.

And this brings us back to the point of original post:

1. Males like to share things with females more than with males
2. Females like to share things with females more than with males

So maybe what is going on is

3. BOTH genders have EXACT SAME preference. BOTH GENDERS want to share things with females more than with males

So the reason that men "don't share things" is simply that men are deprived of female audience (any female that a male tries to befriend would suspect he does it for sexual reasons). So when males are "stuck" with their fellow males they don't share secrets: after all, if a female was to be confined to male audience she won't be sharing secrets either.

But then again, when it comes to "sharing secrets" with female audience it seems to backfire in a sense that some of the "secrets" I share would end up making a girl not want to date me. Now in my case this doesn't stop me from sharing: I keep thinking "well this particular girl would never judge me since she is so much better than others". That's why I have to come back AFTER THE FACT and try to "change their mind" by "explaining myself". But maybe other men are not like that. Maybe other men think ahead of time that if they share too much they would lose a girl and that's why they don't share. If that's the case, that won't imply that they don't have a need of sharing; instead it simply means that society's opinion put them into a certain role where they have to discipline themselves and stop themselves from doing what otherwise they would want to do.

danyellmarie296 wrote:Men however don't seem to need the approval of their peers.

I have a need of approval. Here is a proof. I only started trying to find a girl in my 20-s. My sexual drive in 20-s was WEAKER than it was in teens. The reason I became more desperate for the girl is SOLELY because I realized I am social outcast due to Asperger (which was also true in teens but back then I wasn't aware of it) so I needed a girl to "prove to myself" that someone can like me. On the other hand, back in the teens, when I didn't know about my low social status, I didn't need a girl at all. Yes I was attracted to some girls, but so what? My lifetime goal is to be a physicist, so being with girls for the purposes of sexual attraction would "waste my time" from physics. ON THE OTHER HAND being with girls for the sake of approval IS important -- important enough for me to spend hours on end just to get a girl so I can have an approval that I need. So this should prove that yes, men do need approval.