Porn, internet & jealousy

there is a lot of people that say they dont want material gifts because you cant just buy things for someone like that.. But it was a nice thought all the same.. something small.. And if I were you i would have given a great deal of affection to follow to show that your love is not just materialistic. Maybe sit with her and talk to her, ask her things that is going on in her life, show your interest in her life. Or one day make her breakfast in bed .. lye down with her and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her. Show her that you really care about her and want to communicate with her about her life and her happiness and sadnees which lie within it, and let her know that you are always going to be there for her. It is a lot to ask but it sounds like thats what she wants from you.

She doesnt want materialistic things, she wants real love and affection. And if it is hard for you, just think abut her, think about why you love her and why you want to be with her. Then think to yourself what would happen if you lost her, this should give you the muse you need to push yourself.

I know that it is hard to show your affection to someone when you are having problems within yourself, but sometimes you need to let the people you love know so you dont lose them, so they really do know how you feel.

The morning after I felt like giving her attenition, and went out of my way to buy her a singel rose, and a little gift in which I lay on the staircase for her to find when she awoke that morning. Thought that would be a nice start in the day for her...

Result? She got really angry, and said that I really dont listen to hear, that if I did, I would never buy here gifts the day after she tells me materiall things dont matter to her..

I think she just wants to be listened to, appreciated.

Don't give gifts because they are trinkets. In my previous job, my boss used to be a mechanic, and he offered to fix the brakes on my car. But he kept postponing it, and I was worried that a problem might develop.

So all I wanted was for the car to be done, but he was always offering small things like buying me a pie for lunch. Even though you might think buying a pie for me for lunch was a nice thing, in the face of him postponing fixing the car all the time, it felt like a slap in the face.

It was like he was saying "I decide what to give you, your wants are not important to me". I wasn't happy about getting the pies, I would have gladly traded all those small favours for having the car fixed.

So I think the same is true here. Your partner would gladly trade all the gifts and stuff like that for the one thing she wants. Against the backdrop of that want of hers, they seem inconsequential and meaningless.

So don't be too hasty to pat yourself on the back. Don't try to buy her affection with gifts and stuff, you need to determine what it is that she wants and then give here that.

Since I was reaching earlier and it seemed to be more or less accurate, I'll follow that thread now. I imagine in my mind that you are quick to point out things that you dislike, or things you would like to be different concerning her, but when she does the same, you tend to shut her out.

Actually, I have another story. When I was young, my school was having a raffle and I asked my dad if he would take a sheet to work to sell some tickets. My mom was present and she said that they preferred not to do that because if one does that and sells tickets at work, then when the children of work-colleagues have raffles and they take a sheet to work, one feels obliged to buy a ticket because they did it before. To not buy a ticket is fine if you haven't asked them to do it previously, but if you are prepared to ask them, you must be prepared to indulge them.

So in your case, I think it's not so much that you don't try but that you so readily give it out, like a person who sells the raffle tickets at work, that when the time comes that she wants to dish it out, she feels it is unfair if you don't listen. Most likely, if you weren't so quick to let her know about things you dislike, she wouldn't demand you to listen as much as she does.

So there are two sides to this. One, realise that people do things because of what they think at the time, so if you moan about what they do, you are basically saying that what they think is wrong. Obviously, people don't like to be told that what they think is wrong, so you need to be tactful and kind when you do that.

Especially, don't start a sentence with "I wish", like "I really wish you wouldn't do that", that's a killer. Do your best to learn to dish it out less often, and when you do, do it in as soft a way as possible.

At other times, show approval for what she does, not only for things that concern you. If she does something nice for a friend, remark on what a nice thing it was for her to do.

I must say that I'm no relationship-expert but I think there is some truth in what I have said.[/u]

Oh, I forgot to mention, when she does want to discuss something important, realise that the fact that she thinks it is important is all that counts. Even if you don't think it is too important, she does, so by showing her that you take her seriously, things will go so much better.

hey i have had a lot of arguments with my partner and i recall a couple of times when i was falling asleep and he wanted to talk to me but when i get tired i get tired like im drunk and cant get out of it. There is no excuse for hitting one another I assure you if it was the other way around she wouldnt have taken it.

As a girl, I would never cheat. If I found myself thinking about cheating, it would be because I really hate the relationship and I am getting ready to leave. I apologize for such brutal honesty.

Do you love her, truly?

Elusive.Neutrino wrote::? As a girl, I would never cheat. If I found myself thinking about cheating, it would be because I really hate the relationship and I am getting ready to leave. I apologize for such brutal honesty.

Do you love her, truly?

Yes, I do love her.

And yes again, she has expressed that she has contemplated cheating because she is having a hard time in our relationship.

verty wrote:I think she just wants to be listened to, appreciated.

Don't give gifts because they are trinkets. In my previous job, my boss used to be a mechanic, and he offered to fix the brakes on my car. But he kept postponing it, and I was worried that a problem might develop.

So all I wanted was for the car to be done, but he was always offering small things like buying me a pie for lunch. Even though you might think buying a pie for me for lunch was a nice thing, in the face of him postponing fixing the car all the time, it felt like a slap in the face....
>
Oh, I forgot to mention, when she does want to discuss something important, realise that the fact that she thinks it is important is all that counts. Even if you don't think it is too important, she does, so by showing her that you take her seriously, things will go so much better.

...good reading. And examples I can understand. I will follow your advice. I agree that there is truth to your statements.

Last night she caught me lying to her, because I have been checking here internet logs because of the web-cam conversation she had. I havent been able to let her know that I have been checking up on her. Because I would feel stupid I did, and I wouldnt be able to tell her in a okay way anyhow. It would only be an attack on her.

She said she can understand that I need to check up on her..but she cant accept that I have being doing it behind her back...so again she wants us to brake-up due to that it is obvious to her that I cant love her since I do these things...

aaargh!