depressed gf

what your thoughts on dating a having a gf that has depression and take fluxotaine(prozac) 10mg everyday. at times she very negative and makes argument and slight over sensitve so if i say something she get heart very easily. she told me she took the meds for 2 year now but another guy mutual friend who knew her long ago said she was taking it when she was 19 and shes 25 now.

anyone here has experience with ppl who has depression and goes counselling once a week and take that meds fluxotaine
shes always late too. one hour late . you tell her to meet you at 5 and she comes at 630. she never changes. its like some time management problem
why is she like this? i asked and she said no job and ex bf problems make her take this drug. its been a while since her ex bf since im with her close under a year
i have to admit it so hard being with her. she make me all stressed out, cant sleep, she frustrates me. she very sensitive too. so if i say im not sure when or if i want get married and she takes it as get mad or sad that i dont want marry her. she takes my words out of context . like she asked if we could be together forever after the 2nd date and i said im not sure and how nothing is forever and later that day she told me she got sad and upset. i didnt know she was this sensitive.
if i pick her up in my car at 6 she be in my car at 625. i even tell her i be at her house at 625 and im always on time due to my dad upbringing-be on time. if i tell her to meet me in DT mall at 5 she be there at 6 30. ah yep one hour 30 min late.
she never told me she took meds. i just kind of figured it out. she mentioned counselling, and when we date shes off. i can tell shes off too.
i jsut stick with her since i cant find a new gf and its very hard for me

also she hate guys. i read this in her diary one time in her room. she hates guy and said they should all die."all men die in this world"
this is since most men just use her for sex and not wanting her for a relationship. i dont blame them, being with her is sooooo hard

viper78,

This sounds like a deep emotional problem inside your girlfriend, and she doesn't seem focused on changing herself. The thing you have to answer for yourself is, do you want to stay in an abusive relationship and be around someone who doesn't appreciate you?
I know telling you to dump her and you deserve so much better is clique, but it is the truth. The thing I have realized is that in relationships, you need to watch how your partner treats other people in the beginning because that is eventually how they will treat you as well. Also, if she has been treating you this way for a while, being late and getting angry at you easily, this stuff is only going to continue.

If you really want her to change, don't back her into a corner and threaten to leave her, that will only make her more nasty. Give her an ultimatum. What you should do is sit her down and tell her how she has been making you feel. Tell her how she has been acting and how this makes her come off. Sometimes it takes a view from the outside to shed light on our flaws. Then I would say "I want to help you get better. I love you and I am here to help you through the tough times, but I also need someone who is going to treat me with the same love and respect that I give them. When you are late or yell at me, it hurts me and I don't want to keep going through this. If you truly want to be with me, I know we can change this."

If she doesn't agree man, then it's time to move on to someone who truly appreciates you.

I seem to be giving this advice a lot today.

I am in the same spot as your gf. My ex fiance knew about my depression when we started dating and he thought he could handle it but in the end he gave up trying to "fix" me since he felt like a failure when he couldn't. My advice is DON'T TRY TO FIX HER! She needs someone who will love her UNCONDITIONALLY. She needs someone who understands that depression is a disease - just like diabetes, It can be controlled with medicine like Prozac but she will still have bad days. If you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best. But I urge you to support her, listen without giving advice and without trying to fix the problem. Just remember that her being depressed IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is just something she feels and can't explain...

Yes, circumstances makes it worse but she needs professional help, medication and your support, not your judgmental attitude towards people with depression.

To help you support her without trying to "fix" her I recommend a book by John Gray "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus".

Another thing - Her being late has NOTHING to do with her depression - I have severe, clinical depression and I am ALWAYS at least 10 minutes early. My sisters also have severe clinical depression and they are ALWAYS late! I am unsure why this is but you cannot blame it on the depression. I have a girl friend who is always at least 45 minutes late. In the end I started telling her the movie starts at 5, when in reality it starts at 6. That way I pitched up at 5:30 and was not so angry with her when she only arrives at 5:45.

Distant Angel wrote:viper78,

This sounds like a deep emotional problem inside your girlfriend, and she doesn't seem focused on changing herself. The thing you have to answer for yourself is, do you want to stay in an abusive relationship and be around someone who doesn't appreciate you?
I know telling you to dump her and you deserve so much better is clique, but it is the truth. The thing I have realized is that in relationships, you need to watch how your partner treats other people in the beginning because that is eventually how they will treat you as well. Also, if she has been treating you this way for a while, being late and getting angry at you easily, this stuff is only going to continue.

If you really want her to change, don't back her into a corner and threaten to leave her, that will only make her more nasty. Give her an ultimatum. What you should do is sit her down and tell her how she has been making you feel. Tell her how she has been acting and how this makes her come off. Sometimes it takes a view from the outside to shed light on our flaws. Then I would say "I want to help you get better. I love you and I am here to help you through the tough times, but I also need someone who is going to treat me with the same love and respect that I give them. When you are late or yell at me, it hurts me and I don't want to keep going through this. If you truly want to be with me, I know we can change this."

If she doesn't agree man, then it's time to move on to someone who truly appreciates you.

Distant Angel, I resent this reply as I am at the opposite side of this situation. We depressed girls feel sad and we lash out against the people we love because we feel SAFE enough that they won't judge us and leave us when we do. If you tell Viper78 it is OK not to deal with her and just throw her away, what is the use of this forum for those of us suffering from this horrible disease? Are you saying no one will love us because of some chemical imbalance in our brain or some psychological problems from our past?

Yes, he needs to tell her that her tardiness annoys him but her inability to be punctual has NOTHING to do with her depression. NOTHING. The anger and the lashing out is just more proof how much she trusts Viper78. She feels secure enough to vent in his presence - yes, we NEED to vent and we only do it to the people we feel safe and secure with. I know it hurts the person we vent at but here's my advice on that: Go to a counselor together - someone who is neither a friend or a family member who can play referee. That way she can vent and the counselor can advise her how to get her point across without being mean, hurtful and how to communicate her depression SAFELY. Also, the counselor can explain to you that when she says "I hate all men!" she means "Why can't someone just understand and love me for who I am? Disease and all?"

I know it is hard - heck, my fiance left me because he thought it was too hard, but please try to understand without judging.

Good Luck and stay strong!