In Depression...help

Hi all,

Help I'm feeling so useless and don't want to talk to anyone else...
I'm a student who arrived in a new country half a year ago and it's the first time to live on my own.

Such situations have occurred before since I am a extremely sensitive and emotional person.One moment I'd think everything is really okay and there's absolutely no need to worry...but then the next moment I'd get into a huge depression with or without any reason.
But these days I'm getting sickly depressed and even have thought of suicide, seriously, though the idea is blur and I managed to get rid of it in a sudden.

I don't have any boyfriend, but I was so in love with a guy who was my friend with benefit till days ago. I expressed my feeling but he said the most disappointing sentence I've ever heard: It's impossible for me to love you and I don't believe in love. I cried right then and he tried to comfort me. I pretended to be happy, just to delight him. At least it's not so bad since we were still friends, I thought. But days ago I texted him several times and he didn't replay me till two days later with merely "I was busy". And, after that, we have never seen each other so far.

I don't think it's his fault since he doesn't need to be responsible for anything... and my depression is only due to my own sensitiveness, or too much emotions. Days ago I saw him with another girl on street, which is pretty normal, but I don't know why I just started to cry, and drank as much as I could till I got sickly drunk.


This morning I went to work and got fired. It's a job I got weeks ago and I'm still in my training. It's in a cake shop and I had to do everything besides making coffee. The owner was never happy with me. Especially this morning, when I was still depressed and did everything slowly, she got frustrated and said I was just wasting her time.

I started to cry on my way to school and today has been a nightmare so far. I cried now and then when the idea of uselessness and my memories with him got into my mind. I tried to focus on my study but in vain. I texted my friends but only received a few short messages such as it's just not for you don't be depressed. I guess I shall talk to someone, but I just don't want to start a conversation, and no longer know how to do that properly. Everyone is happy and I don't want to ruin their mood.

What can I do? I feel sick and don't want to eat or do anything. I have problem with self-injury when I was 14, but I'm 19 now and I thought I've got rid of the habit but it's in my mind every time I get depressed, including this time.


Thank you.