Love or infatuation?

(I already posted this, but I think it was in the wrong spot).

I can't tell if I'm in love with someone or not. I moved away from a guy I was good friends with in junior high, far away, and I haven't seen him since. It's been like 6 years and I still think of him from time to time. I've tried to get over him, but it's never really worked. I dream about him occasionally, and whenever I'm sad, he is the first person I want to be around.

It's been so long, and I've changed a lot. I'm sure he has too, so even if we somehow reunited, there's no guarantee it would work out, there's no guarantee we would even want to be friends with each other. There are times when I think I love him, and there are times when I think I'm being stupid.

Also, it's not like he's the only guy I think about. I've had a few minor crushes, but nothing like how it feels with him. And it's not like I've been completely alone either. A few guys have liked me/showed me attention throughout highschool, but I've never been in a relationship. Mainly because I haven't pursued a relationship with anyone, and turned away anyone who pursued one with me.

Is it possible to love someone I haven't had any contact with in six years? It seems quite ridiculous. Could it be called 'love' or do you think I am just clinging to the memory because it's better than being alone?



[after receiving some feedback elsewhere, i added the details below]
Thanks for all the input, everyone.

Err, we never were in a 'relationship'...we were only 12 years old when I moved away. I know that's a young age, but I didn't realize my feelings for him until a year or two later. When he found out I was moving, he seemed quite sad, and then became distant. We didn't talk about it and we just said goodbye at school. It was hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard.


I don't think I'm closed off when it comes to dating new people, I think it just hasn't worked out for other reasons (keeping to myself, mostly). I've had crushes on other guys, but those crushes have ended and this one hasn't. It's not like I think about him all the time, I don't... but every now and then, I'm reminded of him. A song, a movie, books, things like that.

I'm sure this all sounds very confusing. Well I am very confused. We haven't actually talked, but we are facebook friends, so I guess that counts for something. I've never contacted him because we live so far away, and our colleges are far away too. I'm not trying to keep anything going, I'm trying to forget about him. But I haven't so far, and it doesn't make sense. I thought I could past this. I suppose I could talk to him, even if it was just to catch up as friends, but it seems kind of pointless to me.

Any feedback? I would love to hear a third party's opinion on this

Limerant infatuation can last a lot longer than a crush. Six years apart also implies that you are infatuated with the idea of the person in your head more than the actual person. I have had a number of female (and male) friends with similar issues (never getting over their first loves) that set unrealistic expectations of what they want to get out of a relationship. Nobody (not even the target of the infatuation) will live up to the idealized version of them.

My advice would be to give dating people you actually know another shot and focus less on the infatuation and more on just getting to know and enjoying time with other people. Sure, it could work to make contact with this guy, but you would be well-served to get some more experience first with less limerant infatuation involved and find out what it is you actually want/need out of relationship. Meet people. Make friends. Develop the skills and knowledge about yourself and others to be able to make decisions.