Should I eliminate this "friend" from my life for good?

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and I can say I have zero friends.It's really sad to be 23 and have no friends at all but that's the reality,due to my condition it's really hard for me to have any kind of relationship.The only person I talk to is this girl that I know since I was 6,we are neighbors and we grew up together,there were not other kids around so for years it was only me and her.For whatever reason when we were 13 we had a huge fight and we didn't talk for 5 years,when we started talking again she was really different,she had a really hard upbringing and that changed her,the once sweet girl was now really bitter,at the same time her life was now really different because she had made lots of friends while I was starting to get away from everyone.For years I've been trying to be her friend,I'm not rich but she's even in a worse condition so I help her all the time,we both smoke and when she has no cigarettes she will not stop texting me,saying she really wants to hang out when all she wants are cigarettes.She has left me down so many times,says she's going out with me and then leaves me hanging,goes out with other friends and lies,she lies all the time!She knows I have BPD and I believe she takes advantage of that because she knows of my fear of being abandoned or replaced.Last year she was hanging out with this friend of her and I was let down many times because she preferred this friend,I was left waiting and then I got what was left of her free time.They had a fight last year,stopped talking and suddenly she was always knocking on my door,saying that I was her only friend and that she wanted things to be like they used to.I forgave her and we have been hanging out almost every single day ever since,a few days ago she was texting me and asking me to go out but two days ago she started talking with that friend who she had a fight with again and she basically texted me saying "I already had enough of you."This friend of hers lives in my building so now I hear them getting inside of the building,going out,talking,laughing,having fun,a few hours ago they were even sitting right down my window talking and laughing.With me she was never like this,she always acted like she was doing me a favor by hanging out with me.I gave her clothes,shoes,bags,I pay for her meals when we go out,she recently went to a wedding and she had no dress to wear,I bought her the dress because I'm her friend,I borrowed her the shoes which she damaged but I told her it was okay,that I would pay for the fixing myself,I borrowed her purse,I woke up so early to do her hair and makeup,I gave her a bag full of so many types of makeup (I have so many and I didn't needed all of that) because I know she loves makeup but can't afford it and as a friend I want her to look her best,she had no money to go to the beach and I've been paying for her tickets,my mother treats her like a daughter...I don't think I could be a better friend and this is what I get??For a borderline there's nothing worse than the feeling of being replaced and that's what I'm feeling,it hurts so much specially because I have to see them and listen to them together all the time,it's getting me so sad,I feel so depressed.She never liked me,she doesn't even miss me,how can someone be so fake and switch from one person to another??Should I take her out of my life??What should I do??It really hurts and a true friend isn't supposed to make you suffer like this,I believe there's no real friendship from her part,she's only interested on what she can get from her "friendship" with me.I'm really feeling down and used because of this:( I feel so ridiculous and stupid!We've been through so much together,I really thought we were friends but she isn't acting like a real friend,she never did,we talked about this so many times and she always promised to change,how naive of me to believe her...

I can understand it hurts, and badly. I myself had similar people in my life even a childhood friend who pretty much used me for the same things you mention.
That being said, i dont believe there is actually anything you can do to change her behavior so maybe distancing from her is the best thing. Even if it hurts for a while, i promise it will get better. And if she still wants stuff, just set some boundaries and tell her no.
Its a hard pill to swallow but i think it may be for the best. You and her are probably not a match as friends at this point in time. And there is nothing wrong with that.
we cant change people
I forgot: dont end the friendship with a fight. Its always good to leave space for at least a hello.

Im-pure wrote:I can understand it hurts, and badly. I myself had similar people in my life even a childhood friend who pretty much used me for the same things you mention.
That being said, i dont believe there is actually anything you can do to change her behavior so maybe distancing from her is the best thing. Even if it hurts for a while, i promise it will get better. And if she still wants stuff, just set some boundaries and tell her no.
Its a hard pill to swallow but i think it may be for the best. You and her are probably not a match as friends at this point in time. And there is nothing wrong with that.
we cant change people
I forgot: dont end the friendship with a fight. Its always good to leave space for at least a hello.

I couldn't have said it any better,even if she hadn't replaced me with this friend it would still be hard for us to remain friends,it was a daily struggle,we were always fighting and she was a cause of a lot of stress which I don't need.The fact that we were childhood friends doesn't mean we need to remain friends forever,she changed so much,I understand that she had a really bad life while growing up but she turned out to be a bitter,vengeful person,a person that uses everyone around her to obtain what she needs,this was not the friend I used to play with until I was 13.I don't know if you know anything about BPD but it's really hard for us not to end things with a fight,mainly because we were always fighting but from a person with BPD point of view you're either on my side or you don't exist,I had situations in my life where people did me wrong and I just erased them from my life,deleted phone numbers,pictures,I tried to erase any sign of them in my life.It's impossible to do this with this person since she's my neighbor and now she's always in my building and that really angers me and leaves me depressed but this is totally not my fault,I can see it,even with all the BPD feelings I would have liked to have ended this on good terms,I'm so tired of all the fights and we are so disconnected from each other that I would gladly end things peacefully but she's very set in her ways too,she always said I'm either her friend or I'm not,there's no in between,she basically wants me to be her puppet and play me around like she has been doing for years but I'm tired of it and I won't let it happen anymore.As you can imagine unfortunately things didn't end up on a good note but I think it's better for me to be away from her,she was definitely a trigger to my outbursts and frequently left me feeling depressed,of course I'm depressed now because I can't stand the feeling of being replaced and of having been used but there's nothing I can do when it comes to this.

Dont leave.

Yeah, just ignore her. Keep yourself busy and do stuff you like and with time your feelings will lessen. Trust me on that one...its not worth it people go and come out of our lives and the good ones stay.
But you may wish to work on your future friendships by not becoming so engulfed in them by the point that youre losing yourself. Try not so search for one person to give you everything, dont put all of your eggs in one basket

as i grew older i made solid friendships with alike minded people and we're cool

past friends used to call me annoying and clingy all the time but if i could do it, you can do it too

Honestly, it reads as though she treats you like a surrogate boyfriend. I'm guessing that you're a woman (or maybe a homosexual?) though, otherwise why would she be asking you to help her with her makeup...or have you truly sunk to such depths?

It'd be easy to say eliminate her from your life, but it depends on how much you think she contributes to your life. If you think she's a positive force in your life, then keep her around. Understand though that she has no qualms about cutting you out when she no longer has a purpose for keeping you around.

Kabuhi wrote:why would she be asking you to help her with her makeup...or have you truly sunk to such depths?

Kabuhi, you have a problem with your attitude. Not the first time I read such nonsense from you. I remember also the "advice" from you to a guy who felt betrayed by his GF to get 14 BJs from her.
It would be nice if you would stop this trolling - some people might take it serious!

Grow wrote:

Kabuhi wrote:why would she be asking you to help her with her makeup...or have you truly sunk to such depths?

Kabuhi, you have a problem with your attitude. Not the first time I read such nonsense from you. I remember also the "advice" from you to a guy who felt betrayed by his GF to get 14 BJs from her.
It would be nice if you would stop this trolling - some people might take it serious!

Grow, I think you're failing to acknowledge the emotional aspect of things.

The guy who felt betrayed was hurt because his GF gave a blowjob to another guy but at the same time wanted to forgive her. I understood that not only getting what that guy received but getting confirmation that he was of greater importance as her BF was going to be important to the forgiveness process. Also, getting the blowjobs was a way for him to develop gratitude toward her, spend intimate time with her, and look at his GF in a more positive light. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, a person is less likely to hold great resentment or feel hurt toward another person who gave him BJ's for two consecutive weeks. Maybe you think she should have to do nothing to reconcile and he should forget it, but people's emotions don't work that way. (Besides, I wasn't thoroughly convinced that the blowjob she gave was an accident. Ultimately it didn't matter however, if he followed my advice, because she would prove her commitment to him.)

Of course I'm partially joking here, but there's a hint of truth here as well. Most heterosexual men would hate that a woman uses them to help with her makeup. Generally, a heterosexual man helping a woman with her makeup would be a sign that he has made himself utterly subservient to her, which is the theme of the opening post. Most self-respecting men wouldn't help a woman with her makeup, much less keep makeup on them to offer to her as a present, therefore it's a sign of subservience.

So you see now that there is a method to the madness. Please stop attacking people for no reason and assuming that you know what their intentions are when you don't. That's not what this forum is about and you only make yourself look foolish by doing so.

Kabuhi wrote:Honestly, it reads as though she treats you like a surrogate boyfriend. I'm guessing that you're a woman (or maybe a homosexual?) though, otherwise why would she be asking you to help her with her makeup...or have you truly sunk to such depths?

It'd be easy to say eliminate her from your life, but it depends on how much you think she contributes to your life. If you think she's a positive force in your life, then keep her around. Understand though that she has no qualms about cutting you out when she no longer has a purpose for keeping you around.

First of all I think it was pretty clear from my post that between me and this girl there was only a friendship,we are childhood friends and we are now in our mid twenties.I'm a heterosexual woman,even if I wasn't I don't think it would matter in this situation.I only helped her with her makeup because I love doing makeup,nails,hair,I'm really good at it,I've helped several people and this friend of mine has no skills at all when it comes to those things,she was going to a wedding and she asked me to help her with her makeup and hair.That's what you do for a friend,you help them out whether if it's just by helping them out with their makeup or standing by their side when they're sick,that's what a friendship is for me.
As for the second part of your message,she's definitely not a positive force in my life,she's a source of stress instead,that's why I decided to cut her out of my life.It's really hard though,I kept giving her second chances every time she let me down because I always feared being left alone with no friends at all,now that I've finally cut ties with her my BPD feelings got so bad,the feeling of being replaced makes it look worse than it actually is,I feel so betrayed that it hurts physically.

Pepper, eliminate the friend. My therapist gave me this advice anything you do, work, volunteer, etc. or any relationship you have, friend or otherwise, should enrich your life and bring you joy 70% of the time. When we have person who knows we fear losing them, we set ourselves up to always be anxious about the relationship. A relationship based in anxiety will not bring joy, even if there are fleeting good times in the relationship. The good times make it hard to break away, but breaking away is what you should do so that you can find real friendships where you are valued and where you can be yourself.

As for BPD. We've all got our labels, our burdens, but that's not a reason to accept mistreatment from others. If a person needs you to be small so that she can feel powerful, show her that you can disappear altogether. But do it for yourself. You'll miss the relationship at first, and it might be very painful. That part is just a phase, and it will pass.

And yes, if you can keep things where you can leave without a fight, do that, but sometimes speaking your truth means that isn't possible. Don't pressure yourself to be nice if being nice doesn't seem like what needs to happen. Sometimes people need to be told that they've hurt you.