Girlfriend has slept with over 50 men.

redrob wrote:50 is not a large amount in a lifetime.

I disagree, as a man if I were dating a woman who had sex with 50 men I would be absolutely shocked and disgusted. To me, and I say this from experience with dating promiscuous women, sleeping with that many men is indicative of some kind of mental problems or at least a red flag that will prove that the relationship will not work. And it will end in heartache, depression, and ptsd.

Although the OP has probably long moved on from this site and this particular problem, what happened to him may serve as a warning to other men who are in similar situations with women of similar backgrounds.

People are a collection of their past actions. She has impulse control issues and the OP respected himself enough to see that it bothered him. Someone can be pretty cool outside of that kind of issue. But, and it's a huge but, 99 times out of a hundred they're going to hurt you. I've LIVED that, *mod edit* They won't tell you promiscuous people are way higher risk investments.. *mod edit*

*Mod edit*.

A promiscuous woman? Can seriously wreck you.

You are programmed BY evolution to want to avoid women who are loose AND there are real world examples of why they are typically not good for your mental and emotional health.

*Mod edit*

*Mod edit* It is not healthy and life experience is going to bear this out eventually. I've seen it, other guys see it, women even see it. IT IS YOUR BUSINESS because her past affects who she is NOW. Don't kid yourself.

It doesn't mean shes an object, or inferior to men, or me, or that she isnt overall a good person. It means you reap what you sow, and if by the time she's thirty she'll have let 50+ guys do her without getting into a relationship then there is something seriously wrong here. I don't buy the excuse that she was just looking for a relationship that no man was willing to give her. She made the decision to have sex with men without the benefit of being in a relationship with them, and this should raise a huge red flag for you.

Unless you feel like dealing with an inability to properly bond with you, forget it. I know it hurts. It makes you feel 100% disposable and gross. This isnt because you're twisted or sick or selfish.*mod edit*

Let's try and keep this civil, shall we? And not heap abuse on the opinions of others, whose experience may be different than yours. Yes, certainly there might be cause for a red flag, but folks ought to be judged individually. I stand by my statement, and yes I've lived it. It's unfair to paint everyone with the same brush. People are individuals, and ymmv.

I know this is an old post, but the recent discussion has raised some interesting issues.

But I'd like to ask avoidatallcost a question.

What if it was a female poster's bf who slept around with 50 women?

Just wondering...And no, it isn't because she's twisted or sick or selfish.

Hopefully you will be able to (have by now?) make peace with your girlfriend's past sex life. If you really are meant for each other it's essential to be fully open, honest and accepting.

I confess that I was uneasy about my first wife (who died) having slept with 20 or so guys before me. I also have to confess that in those days I was being sexist in my attitude, having been with quite a few women myself!

We talked and talked, eventually accepting that each could have other partners and sometimes having 3- and 4-somes. It simply did work for us, and my whole outlook changed completely.

My current wife has had sex with hundreds of men, mostly before we were together, but at least 60 or so since, and on numerous occasions (we've been together for 10 years). It's all strictly in the open and accepted. That may not be for you, but discussion, acceptance, respect and trust are the keys.

50Men wrote:But now that I've found a love again & told him about my 50 guys, he's in the same position as you. I still gave him all of me WITH NO ONE ELSE IN MY HEART, MIND, OR BODY. ***PERIOD.*** He couldn't handle it though. Swore he wanted to be with me. Swore I was the one. But even though he never told me, I really don't think that he could handle my past sex life. Why? I may never truly understand. Because I know that I have a heart that beats with selflessness, care, generosity, truth & many more admirable values.

Why dont you find a man like you?

Hi. So I've read your post and most of the responses carefully.

Without knowing you or the woman, I have to confess that what I say should probably be taken with a grain of salt. I'm not a Dr or a therapist, just a regular Joe.

A young woman having that many partners to me is a red flag. Something is going on there. Where there is smoke there is fire.

While you seem to be concerned about the amount of sexual partners she's had, I as a disconnected 3rd party see more to be concerned with in the reasons and motivations she has had for being this laced with her sexual restraint. Even though someone mentioned, yeah but 50 / 8 years of being "single" is only 6 per year on average... nah, I don't buy that line of logic.

Call me old fashioned, but sexual promiscuity, and sex without emotional connection are huge red flags. My advice would be to seek a companion that has similar sexual tendencies as you have. Women or men who can just hop in the sack with anyone rarely change. I say rarely because sure anything is possible - but not probable.

I have been in and seen several relationships get ruined for these reasons. Example: when she gets lonely, she paints or does pottery, but when he gets sad, or stressed he goes and gets a sexual hook up or fix. Or vice versa. Not the best demeanor or setting for a lasting relationship.

I feel like if you poke around a bit (no pun intended) you will find that this woman has had some deep struggle in her past that is manifesting itself in this casual attitude to sex. It could be a myriad of things, such as abuse, parental neglect, extreme sexual perversion, etc. It could also be that she is simply super attractive or charming and men are just throwing themselves at her - but why such little restraint, even if that is the case? Why such little restraint? Yes, she's an adult, and sure she could sleep with 10,000 people across her lifetime, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would strongly consider moving on. No, the woman is not "damaged goods", but you will have a hard time dealing with these emotions on a constant basis, and I genuinely think you are asking for trouble to keep setting yourself up for a fall in this way.

If you have only been with a few people and they have been in the context of loving and committed relationships, I think you need to keep your eye out for people who have similar inclinations. It will most likely give a budding relationship the best opportunity for growth and success.

I don't find it a great problem. Try to see here positive sides - you know the truth) It could be worst if she had more than 100 and said that you were the one))

1. I took a girls virginity and we had great sex for years. One day she cheated and I asked what the deal was, she wanted to see what was out there. She then realized I was way better than her fling and was over that whole thought process and ready to be with me. Long story short we are not together now... she cheats on all her boyfriends with me. Go figure.

2. Girls who have lots of experience. If you click with them in bed, they already know most guys are worthless in the sack so they know you are something special.

If the only ice cream you ever ate was vanilla your whole life and you see other people having sprinkles and strawberry and chocolate and mint ... you might wonder. BUT if you tried every flavor and settled on mint chocolate chip was your favorite, you never pay the other flavors much mind.

50 at 30 years is a small number
If she start at 15 for example
She had 50 men in 15 years
A average of 3 men for year is very small really!
She is no promiscous at all !

-- Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:53 pm --

50 at 30 years is a small number
If she start at 15 for example
She had 50 men in 15 years
A average of 3 men for year is very small really!
She is no promiscous at all !

-- Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:54 pm --

50 at 30 years is a small number
If she start at 15 for example
She had 50 men in 15 years
A average of 3 men for year is very small really!
She is no promiscous at all !

Jose,

This is an older thread but please be careful regarding this topic. Suggesting that a young girl, starting at age 15, can have multiple partners, and suggesting that is not unusual, is a bit out of bounds and steps beyond the forum parameters. I know this is just your opinion, and I do not feel you intend any harm. But others may take offense and I think that would be justified.

I understand that your culture may be different. But this forum is open to many young people who have relationships and we would not want to promote that view.

Therefore, I am locking this thread.

Thank you