please read :S

This might be abit long.. sorry and thank you by the way for reading.
I dont know even know where to start. I have a problem where i make myself believe things, very easily. I start liking someone and then all of a sudden, about 2-3 weeks in, i ask myself if i really like this person and then even if i do like them, i'll make myself believe i don't. I'll obssess about the thought, and end up just breaking it off with the person, without giving it a chance. Every bloody time. I dont understand why. And now i really like this guy ive met, we've been seeing eachother for about 3 weeks now, and again i start asking myself the same questions because i know it always happens, so i just start thinking about it. And i really like him, but theres always something holding me back, saying NO! YOU DONT LIKE HIM!! And it kills me. When i was 15 i was in a relationship that was very abusive, not physically but mentally. He always made me feel like horrible. We'd be intimate and he'd say he'd like me, but he wouldnbt call me his gf and he'd go off with other girls. This lasted about a yr and half. And i felt such passion for him, i obssessed over him. So thats why everytime now i start getting close to someone, i compare my feelings for that new person with the guy that hurt me when i was 15 and it never feels the same. The only time i actually feel like i care for the person is if he hurts me. But the minute he becomes nice to me again, i start thinking i dont like him.
I try and tell myself to just let things flow and see how they go, but i cant. I just dont let myself. I obssess about the same thought, i wether or not i like them and i base that descion on wether or not i feel the same for them as the guy i fell for at 15. Im 18 and ive had enough. And now, i actually found someone i really like and yet, the same thoughts creep in the back of my head. For once with him, i want things to work out with this new guy, i want to let myself go, but i dont know how, and i feel like things will never change. I would love to be able to start a relationship with this new guy. Do i have a serious problem??
Anyways, thanks for reading my book lol
Layla

how old are you?

I'm 18

Ok hun, I think you need to break away from relationships for awhile and work on making yourself feel better. I know this sounds strange and all but you diffently need to mature in the aspect of relationship. I think you are scared to settle down, thats why you are telling yourself you don't like these guys. I think your afraid your going to get hurt again and all that.... If you are feeling this way still than you are not ready for a relationship. Give yourself time.... explore who you are first and than start back up in the game. Trust me, it will be a thousand times better.