my girlfriend was a prostitute

Hi, this is my first post here and I have a little situation on my hands.
My girlfriend is a sweet, caring, gorgeous girl.. she has a unique profession. She is a model and former pro athlete and now she makes most of her money by wrestling guys for like $300/hr and caters to other fetishes like foot worship and things like that. She told me nudity is not involved and it's not really a sexual thing. For the clients she has, it's definitely a fetish so there is some sexual aspect, but she's not getting them off or anything. All in all, I don't have any major issues with this line of work. It's her thing and she seems to enjoy it and she really has some set boundaries in the services she offers. I've told her that I am cool with this and she is stoked that I let her do her thing and don't trip about it.

So right now she is on the other side of the country for a week or so and has all sorts of clients lined up. She calls me yesterday and tells me that one of her clients was some rich guy who offered her a lot of money for sex. She turned him down and made it clear to him that she has a boyfriend and wants to be faithful. He was persistent and offered her over $7k and she still turned him down. So she wanted me to know that it was because she cares for me so much that she didn't take him up on this offer of sex for money.

Now, she's s smart girl.. has a degree in psychology and she is huge on communication. So there's no mistaking the way she phrased this. Basically she told me that she would have done it, were it not for me in the picture.

Later on in the evening we are texting each other and she again tells me that it's because she cares so much for me that it didn't happen. I replied, well.. I could never see you doing this sort of thing even if I wasn't in the picture. After a long pause, she sent me this reply:

"Ok, well I'm gonna end this conversation because there will just be judgements, but things in people's past is the past (which we don't know much about the other's) and all that matters is the now and that I didn't do it and you were a big part of my thoughts in the moment...so please just take it as a compliment."

I'm flying out there to see her in a few days and I know we have to have a discussion about this. It's not sitting really well with me. I understand we all have a past and I can't be too judgmental, because I have been with a lot of women and for the last couple of years I have dated more than a few ex porn-stars. I told her this very early on because she was very inquisitive. I told her I was over that stage in my life and wanted to be with someone who doesn't make those kind of decisions with their life.

Ok, we all have a past and obviously I have dated women who had sex for money, whether on camera or not... but I would have much preferred not to know for certain that she was prostituting herself at some point in the past. Another thing that bothers me is the wording she used.. basically saying even at this stage in her life, she would consider doing it again, but because I am in her life she said no.
The past is one thing, but this is something that happened yesterday and it tells me that this isn't as far removed from her life as I would have imagined.

Also, she wanted me to know this. She could have phrased this any other way or said it was because of moral reasons she turned him down, but she didn't phrase it that way.

I feel a lot of emotions about this and I know we have to discuss this because it will eat me up if we don't. Honestly, I wish I didn't know this about her. I don't know why she wanted to tell me this and I don't really know how to approach this subject. I like her a lot and I don't want to end things, but this sort of a big deal.

Judging from your post, I assume you are an actively sexual person (please correct me if I am wrong in my assumption). Your sexuality seems to take precedence over your moral values when it comes to personal choices regarding relationships (which I think is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, in and of itself). On the other hand, your moral values seem to take precedence when it comes to judgements (again, same thing, "neither good nor bad"). I think the problem here is that you underestimate the interplay of these two opposing factors. I think what you should take from this situations is that you can't have both. You have to make a choice.

You chose sexuality at first, just like the other times, but you expected that "this time would be different" — no "shady past" to be accepted or accounted for. I don't think this is realistic. Obviously, no one here is in a position to know how honest she is, but judging from your post, I'd say she seems to be honest. Assuming that this really is the case and she is faithful to you, despite an apparently marked appreciation for sensuality, then, if I were you, I would really think this through before considering a breakup. In all likelihood, the relationship you have is the closest thing you'll ever get to "having both at the same time" (sexuality + moral values).

If you judge people by what they are capable of doing, and you apply your judgement strictly, the only logical outcome is misanthropy and seclusion.

Wow, thank you for the very insightful post.
Yes, I am an actively sexual person and not to any small degree. You are making a correct assumption that at many times in my adult life, sexuality has taken a precedence over moral values. Truth be told, my relationships over the last few years have rarely exceeded 2 weeks to a month and they have all involved hyper sexual women whose google search results will involve the safe search filter.

A new year's resolution for 2013 was No More Porn Stars and I can't say it's worked out exactly as I intended, but.. this girl was never a porn star, she has done a lot of nude modeling, but the artistic kind.

I will address the issue right now of me only dating adult/nude models and I don't really know what the exact reason is for that, but ever since I jacked my grandfather's issues of Penthouse and Playboy when I was like 7 years old.. well, I knew what I wanted in my future. I'm just really attracted to the physical aspect and I think the persona, the fact that these women are desired by thousands if not millions of people.

You're right, I hoped this time would be different. We spoke today over the phone for a while and I told her that I think there is such a thing as over communicating. I would have rather not have known this about her past for certain. I could have wondered, sure.. but now I know and I honestly wish I didn't. What I really like about her (one of the many things) is that she is very honest. In this case, I told her, sometimes we don't have to tell each other things that the other person doesn't need to know. I also told her I would deal with this internally and it shouldn't be a major issue going forward. It's just something I needed to talk to her about because it would eat me up otherwise.

She does seem to be very honest, perhaps it's a new thing for her and she is going overboard with it...being too honest, if that is possible. Maybe that's partially my fault for telling her my past of dating porn stars. It seems like that is something that is sticking in her mind a lot as well. She gets insecure about it and today sort of threw that in my face. That's what brought on the conversation about her admission to hooking. So, the conversation happened.

She asked me if I wanted to break up with her and I said absolutely not. I think we are going to learn a lot about ourselves and each other during this relationship, however long it's gonna last.

Lastly, I completely agree.. this relationship just might be the closest thing I'll have to the perfect balance of sexuality and morals. I just get overwhelmed these days. 2 weeks to a month is what I am used to and have perfected. This relationship stuff is work. She's a great gal and I want this to work.

Women like to praised and complimented for their positive actions and in general, as do men to a certain degree probably. I single out women because you'll notice that sometimes women will fish for compliments when they do something right (cooking, cleaning, being sexy, being faithful, etc. etc.) and in relationships it's good to periodically praise the woman for good actions taken on her part.

I think that's what happened in this case. She behaved how she thinks a good girlfriend should behave and let you know so that you would praise her for her good behavior. Maybe she's a little insecure and knows you're insecure, so she made it a priority to tell you this. This is normal behavior though.

I think you could have just praised her like she wanted, instead of blowing it up. It probably would have made her feel good if you had praised her and it's good to praise her occasionally when she does something good. It makes her feel appreciated, improves her self-esteem, and more likely to repeat the behavior in the future.

Only reason I'd have brought up such a thing would be to gauge reaction, a test balloon as it were. She may be interested in accepting the offer, really didn't, but brought it up to see how you'd react. Whether you say "well for that much money..." or "So glad you didn't, couldn't have continued on if you had." Bringing it up when you wouldn't have known either way is curious if it isn't anything she's interested in.

Frankly, if her work isn't an emotional problem for you already, whether she has sex or not is moot. I have far less of a problem with bonafide prostitutes than I do people who seek money and favors more sneakily. At least a prostitute's honest about things. A gold-digger, you never really know. She's already a prostitute whether she has sex or not - she exchanges sexual gratification for money. Sexual acts aren't a defining factor. Might be legal loopholes, but objectively it's still prostitution whether doing fetish or domme work, making porn, or what have you.