Asperger Relationship Breakup

My Asperger BF and I have been together for over a year. We are both in our early 50's and thru the year of being together have discussed numerous times how wonderful it is to have found each other and be in love etc. We have both been in long term marriages and both divorced for six years. We have had relationships in these six yrs...his lasting 4-10 months each (two in total)...mine longer. He had told me several times in our time together that I am only the second woman he's ever been in love with in his whole life. In the past six months, he has had meltdowns that took me by surprise at first and then figured out what they were. They didnt hurt me much less but at least I had a tad more understanding as to what they were. Thinking that he could apologize after them I thought I'd be ok. After reading and educating myself about AS, I realize there are plenty of solutions to clarifying things and avoiding mind blindness type difficulties as well as learning how best to deal with meltdowns so neither of us get hurt.
During the past six months whilst I was trying to learn how best to handle situations so we can survive and be happy and continue our lives together as we have planned....I would ask him if he still loves me after a difficult time and he'd always say, "of course, I cant just turn that kind of feeling on and off".
Last month he said 'we're finished'...I was devastated. The next day I saw that he went back online dating. I was more devastated. I texted, emailed called...he replied minimally. We have belongings at each others homes, keys etc that he has normally (with other GFs) returned via ups immediately. Its been a month and everyday when I pull up to my house I dread seeing a box...but nothing yet. he said he would call me three weeks ago for 'closure'...he claims in an email that he wasnt feeling well and couldnt call. I know he has a lot of stress with his daughter and he is in a very high powered job which has stress at the moment as well...but dont I count? Months ago when he was telling me about his past relationships and how he sent back their belongings...he said he never gets back with them after a breakup...i asked him if he would ever get back with me if we ever broke up ...he said yes, probably.
So...after the breakup...I went nuts...reaching out telling him Im not giving up on us and I still love him etc. I have now been silent for 9 days thusfar. I know he's probably processing all that has happened, probably even dating at the moment....Hes a black and white thinker, aspie and perhaps a little ocd too...My question is....From an aspie point of view...whats the best thing I can do in hope of getting back together with him? Should I stay silent/no contact until he contacts me? or should I contact him and keep reminding him that I'm here and I love him and I'm not giving up on us?

aspie GF wrote:I would ask him if he still loves me after a difficult time and he'd always say, "of course, I cant just turn that kind of feeling on and off".
Last month he said 'we're finished'...

I'm confused. You mean... really out of the blue? This sounds almost like those situations you see in movies, when the villain demands that the good guy suddenly sever ties with the ones he loves without giving them an explanation. (Pardon my humor, but I think the analogy here really is appropriate.)

From an aspie point of view...whats the best thing I can do in hope of getting back together with him? Should I stay silent/no contact until he contacts me? or should I contact him and keep reminding him that I'm here and I love him and I'm not giving up on us?

Hm, tricky... From an aspie point of view, I'd say neither one sounds like a good alternative. I don't know about him, but me, I tend to forget people I've lost touch with, even if I do like them. On the other hand, I really don't like to be pushed (or feel like I'm being pushed), even if it is by someone I like... If I feel like I'm being told to do something, it only narrows the likelihood that I will actually do what I believe I'm being told, and I may even be inclined to do the opposite.

You would probably have to find a middle ground, and what this middle ground should be like really depends on his personality and your history as a couple. In any case, I think your best bet is to "stand your ground". Be assertive and maintain that this just doesn't make sense, and that you need to know what's going on. Spotlighting feelings and emotions is probably not going to do you any good at this time. A "brave face" will probably yield better results.

But really, there's a huge gap in this story. Reading your post, it's almost like watching the first fifteen minutes of a movie and then the last fifteen minutes, with nothing in between. Why is he so hesitant to talk to you anyway? Something's amiss...