Accused my 3 year GF of cheating, what do I do/say tomorrow?

I picked her up from our campus, kissed her, real happy. Then, little by little, I started picturing how she was cheating behind my back and making me look like an idiot, and I just got more and more angry at her for no reason. She asked whats wrong baby, I said nothing wrong. Long story short, 2 hours later we're at her parents' house, and i'm arguing with her throwing in her face how she is cheating on me and using me. She was being tough, but she was really sad, and eventually started crying and telling me its not true, and with who would she cheat.

I threw in her face that in the morning when we woke up someone called her, and she wouldn't pick up with me next to her, and that it was probably the 'other' guy. She said it was the woman for her internship telling her they had cancelled (call was around 745am and their apt. was at 830). Another instance was she said tonight she was going to this coworker's house at 8 (some girl) bc she was invited. She doesn't have a lot of friends, so this is a good thing right? Heat of the moment - I said It is probably some guy's house you're just telling me it is a girl.

I really wanted to hug her and tell her sorry for being a f****ng idiot, but my mind would not stop picturing her with another man laughing behind my back, so I kept being an angry retarded guy. Eventually I left, and told her to call whoever comforts her at night bc it sure as hell isn't me. I get home and shes txting me like crazy saying are you home? Me being the idiot I am, I thought oh she probably wants to know if the 'coast is clear'. So I replied 'I am not in any danger if that is what you are asking. Let's meet up tomorrow and talk.'

So here it is -
1) I am (at least I think) sick in the head. 2 things about me - All my life I have seen my father (my only male role model) accuse my mom of cheating, and making her life hell (it turns out the apple doesn't fall far from the paranoid tree).

2) When I was 17 (7ish yrs ago) I fell in love as a freshman with a BEAUTIFUL woman. We went perfect together, loved the same things and she ALWAYS wanted to be with me. A month later at a party my friends from the dorm caught her making out with some guy, as did I. I kicked the guy out and she was super pissed at me and we never talked again. WTF right? Not so perfect it seems. So as you can see, I have an unfortunate distrust in women that was shaped over these 2 things.

3) In 4 years since the B***H at the party incident, I have hooked up with many women for fun and 'excitement' but never gotten close. 3 years ago I met the woman of my dreams, everything is perfect. Not one day have I fully trusted her on not cheating at me, and am a paranoid wreck nowadays.

4) When I met her, she was in a 5 year long distance relationship. They met every other 2 weeks or so, and it wasn't always 'fun'. I pursued her like hell, and she fell in love with me while being in this relationship. Finally he dumped her for not being faithful or whatever claiming he found someone better, and she happily came back to me and we hit if off VERY hard. Now that I am at my peak of paranoia, I think to myself - what is to stop her from doing the same to me? We are only 3 years, and she broke off a 5 year (although long distance, we see each other a lot), she will cut me off eventually right? Bc (in my mind) women are like this? These are the things that swirl in my head.

FINALLY 5) I am picking her up after work and we are gonna talk tomorrow around 8. WHAT DO I SAY??? I always think, oh man she is amazing, im gonna be good to her, but once we are together I just feel betrayal, and it makes me hate her! WTF my gut tells me that something is wrong so I go with it. I do not know what to do.

Please, help me out here. I need to make this right. I thought either I somehow believe she is faithful and try to have a healthy relationship OR I break up with her. I love her so much, and she does not deserve to go through this with me. Even if we are in love, it is far from healthy, and I am just not a guy who deserves her. There is NOTHING. No evidence of her cheating in any way, and I am just fabricating stories in my head. But from what I said in 1 and 2, I have a way of seeing women - even the one I love most.

Guys and girls, please chime in on this. You can say nasty/mean things about me I really need to hear everything I can because I am so narrow-minded. Just please no 'get a shrink' or 'get a new girl' OR (OMFG) 'stop being so beta you are definitely beta.' I hear this stupid sh*t from my friends ALL the time - doesn't help. They just want me out in the game again so I can go clubbing with them again and scoring every night. I am starting to think I should do this....PLEASE help!

It sounds as if the experiences from your past are still having an impact upon you and this could maybe account for the intense insecurity you feel right now. The precedent was perhaps set for you when you were growing up and you watched your father cheat. Somehow,perhaps this became the blueprint for you upon which you based all other relationships - either somehow attracting women who would cheat on you - or projecting your fears and insecurities onto women who have been nothing but faithful. Of course,this is all guesswork and conjecture on my part. I am a moderator,not equipped to psycho analyse you. I don't know you. I can only go on what you have told me, and there are many other variables that don't and can't enter into the equation in an online forum.

Perhaps you won't like what I'm going to suggest next - to go for therapy. I suggest this because you've hinted at things in your past that could be very relevent,and you can only discover how relevant they are by talking about them in length and detail, with a therapist who can help YOU to discover how your own patterns of relating, thinking and feeling began,and how these patterns may tie into any feelings of unworthiness or insecurity that may be impacting on the present, especially on your current relationship. Perhaps visiting a therapist could be the most loving action you ever do for yourself, and indirectly for your girlfriend.

It isn't her fault that your ex partners cheated. She is a unique person in her own right,and doesn't deserve to pay the cost of what other people have done to you in your past. She isn't responsible for your emotions or feelings of insecurity. You really need to own them and take responsibility for them yourself. It sounds as if you may have been projecting your feelings onto your current girlfriend. You know, when we project, we do the person a major disservice. We no longer see them as they truly are. Instead we see a projected image that bears very little resemblance to the other person. When we no longer see them as they truly are,we lose empathy for them. When we lose empathy for them we depersonalize or dehumanize them. Instead they begin to represent to us all that was painful about our pasts. This isn't a sound basis upon which to build a relationship. In order to stop the projections we need to look at how and why they began, and to OWN our feelings, reactions, thoughts, and behaviors. Only we can be responsible for them. It can be difficult to do this unless we're prepared to introspect, and analyse our pasts. Very often this can't be done easily without the help of a therapist.

I'm also wondering if you have ever really grieved the past and worked on those feelings? Honestly, a therapist can help you to do this.

Working on your own feelings of self esteem can help you to learn to love yourself in a healthy manner, and this will greatly help you not to project your insecurities onto your girlfriend.

Masquerade is completely right.

Now have you told her all of this? Explained everything to her? She deserves to know. While we can't control our past, we can control our future. Tell her, and try to keep in mind that she has done nothing to make you suspicious. I'm extremely paranoid, and you have to keep the reality in your head at all times. Otherwise it just eats away at us until we snap.

Tonight, tell her everything that goes on. Explain it, apologize and tell her that you will fix this, and follow through with the actions. It's in no way an easy path, but if you stay open and honest to yourself and to her, I do believe that everything can work out.

No, I'm definitely not going to say anything bad or nasty towards you and I didn't gather that you were a "Beta" from what you wrote.

In my opinion, you don't need to feel like you have to walk on eggshells or protect her from your emotions. If she stays with you, then that means you're doing something right in my opinion otherwise she wouldn't stay with you. She has a free will and can leave if she doesn't like being around you, so I say forget about dumping her to "protect" her or because she deserves better.

The more pertinent issue is do you feel good when you treat you like you do and would you prefer to treat her differently. This isn't an issue about her or making her feel good; this is an issue about how treating her like you do makes you feel about yourself. In general, would being kinder to women and treating them well make you feel good? Do you want to be a kinder person for yourself as opposed to for others?