Should I leave my depressed boyfriend?

I truly love my boyfriend. We've been together for basically two years now and about a year and half into the relationship I noticed he's been showing behaviours.. he gets emotionally reactive about the littlest things (when I like a photo on facebook, or why this guy FRIEND was sitting beside me) and then he'll question me as if I committed a crime.

When he's mentally fine we get along GREAT he's so loving.. we can talk about anything, go on fun kiddy dates, he makes me cute surprises and often sends me love letters and I'm not blinded but I know for a FACT that he'd make an amazing father. But lately.. I've noticed he hasn't been happy with his job lately (since coworkers pick on him), he's lost interest in things he once enjoyed, and he's often tired, has trouble sleeping and gets irritable fast!

He comes from a bad family and has been exposed to abuse at a very young age so it left a traumatic effect on him. And he later confessed to me that he was on anti depressants to stabilize his moods. I encouraged him to seek a therapist. He's seen one about 4 times but he picked up full time shifts so he wasn't able to go again. I keep telling him to because he's still young and needs to help himself and I even offered to pay half!. He told me he's not happy with himself, and I deserve a lot better. He always writes me letters on how bad he's trying to change and how sick he is and how he's not happy with himself I feel sad for him but I also don't feel safe because he's starting to get angry at me for little things.

I feel like whatever traumatic experience he has he's been projecting his fears/insecurites on me. It's getting so frusturating because I'm here to help him but he now blames me for his illness and him making him worst!. He hasn't hit me but it's gotten to the point where he'll be mad and yell at my friends for getting in between us when i was just genuinely seeking them for advice (having a boyfriend who suffers from depression isn't easy) or accuse me of cheating when I'm nothing but faithful to him (I've stuck with him the WHOLE way thru..)

I miss this fun loving guy that I used to know! I haven't seen him in 5 months! All of my friends tell me to leave him. We've broken up and gotten back together but he still makes me feel like im in a rut.. I'm normally a bubbly and free spirited person but I feel like that's been taken away because I've been dealing with his sickness.

And btw.. even though I deal with this I still manage to have time to take care of myself. Whether it's to have a gym date, or dinner with some of my girlfriends, i do that! but when I talk to my boyfriend I feel like avoiding him now, I no longer enjoy being with him. I know deep down he's a nice guy and he doesn't wanna be like this but it's weighing me all down....

Hi. I will move this to the Relationship Forum as you will receive support there from a cross section of people.

I can see the dilemma that you're in. On the one hand you feel loyal to your boyfriend and love him, and on the other, his illness is having a huge impact upon you, he is irritable towards you and you say you feel as if you're losing your personality.

You can't and shouldn't be his therapist. You are his girlfriend and as such deserve some kind of reciprocation. You're in a position where you're constantly having to justify yourself, and you shouldn't be made to feel responsible for his insecurity.

Depression can be a debilitating illness. As someone who has suffered from it and also been in a relationship with a sufferer I know the effects of the illness and how it can impact upon a wide range of people. It isn't your boyfriend's fault that he has the illness, but he does need to take some responsibility for engaging in treatment. Without treatment, the situation won't get any better. If he refuses to get treatment, you may need to ask yourself where this relationship is heading as you don't deserve to be on the receiving end of his irritability or false accusations. You also deserve to be able to express yourself as you truly are, and you say that you can no longer do this.

If he agrees to get treatment, you may need to give yourself a time limit to see if there are any positive and lasting changes. It's good that you're continuing to see your friends etc as this will enable you to reestablish your sense of identity, which is very important.

I would say it really depends on a couple of things.
1) Do you feel like you can still be yourself and maintain yourself when you are with him?
2) Do you feel like he is willing to admit his problems and really work on fixing them?

Those two things matter equally, and if you can't say yes to both then I would suggest leaving. He shouldn't be making it seem like you're to blame. I would tell him, if he isn't willing to recover and start trying, then you're going to leave because you feel you have no other choice. I would be direct about this, because you matter too. And if you can't communicate these things to him, then honestly, the relationship is already doomed.

With regards to your situation, I thought that you might find this article about emotional contagion interesting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion