Girlfriend was a prostitute. Need help

Hi all,

This is my first post here. I've never really considered voicing my issues online for the world to hear but I'm in a dark place and need some advice (or maybe just some reassurance).

I'm a 23 year old male and I've currently been dating my girlfriend for 1 year and 4 months. I guess you could say we both have our problems but on the whole we look pretty normal from the outside. I'm a doctor and she's an aspiring fashion designer. We both come from good caring families etc.

She saved me. I was in a dark place when we got together (I won't go into details) and my life was spiraling out of control. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done my whole life. I couldn't understand why such an amazing, kind, caring beautiful girl would give me the time of day. But she did. And she cared for me and nursed my mental health back without ever questioning it.

We have always had sexual issues. A mixture of my lack of confidence and her intimacy issues. A few months ago she told me she was going to start seeing a counselor. She said it was for me but could never tell me why. And she didn't but I just accepted that. I know all about keeping secrets.

Last night she revealed to me that for a year before we met she was in a very dark place. She described herself as being a zombie aimlessly walking through life. She finally revealed to me that she had slept with a lot more men than the 7 she had told me previously. I was shocked but she has a history of self harm and psychiatric illness so I was ok with it. It hurt a lot.

For some reason I decided to ask her if she was getting paid to have sex with people. She first said no. Then revealed that she was. It broke my heart. She has a lot of money and doesn't need to do it. She said she wanted to do the worst thing possible so she could feel pain. But she said she never felt anything.

I don't really know why I'm asking this. I just don't know what to do. I love her so much and all I want to do is be there for her and have a great life with her. It's just so hard to deal with. Does anyone have any experience with similar issues? She's such a good person now. I can't imagine how bad she must have been before to even think of doing those kinds of things. To put herself in so much danger. And at the tender age of 19. I don't know what this means for the future and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by staying with her. What happens when she has a bad patch again?

Sorry, my post is a mess.
Sam

Your girlfriend is still the person that you fell in love with, and she has been honest with you about her past.

It is very common for people who become, or have been, prostitutes (I prefer to use the term "sex worker") to have a background of abuse, self harm and psychiatric problems, but these issues do not define her. She is more than the issues she has had, and she has put the past behind her, become successful in her current career, and is functioning as a human being in society.

Counselling can help her to confront and deal with her issues, and find a way forward. You too may also benefit from therapy, or even couples therapy.

You sound like a caring guy, and from the sound of it, you're lucky to have each other.

thank you for your reply. I prefer the term 'sex worker' too. You're right about everything, and I know it too. It's just so hard to cope with. Just picturing her doing that kind of thing is so upsetting. Because I know she did it to hurt herself rather than for the sake of monetary gain. And for some reason that makes it a lot more horrifying to me.

I'm going to do everything in my power to get over it and let it be a thing of the past. She's so perfect to me I wish I could just erase it, but that's not an option.

I told her today that I would rather we both shared the burden of the pain than she went through it alone.

If anyone has anymore advice(s)/experience(s) or words of wisdom they would be much appreciated.
BW, Sam

I can imagine that there may be times when imagined images of her past come to mind and that they'r e difficult to erase. The thing is, you are not your girlfriend, and there may be some things that would be too painful for her to recall and other things that she has come to terms with. These are YOUR thoughts, and as such you need to deal with them in your own way. Therapy could really help you to deal with them.

We all have a past and we have all done things that we later wish we had not done. The past doesn't have to shape our future. We all have the power in the PRESENT to take steps to create a future for ourselves.

Yes, you can help her and support her, but there may be many issues here that only a professional therapist could deal with, and you are her partner and boyfriend, not her therapist. You would help her more by being there as a partner for her.