Really a friend?

I have a question that I am really not sure if the answer to... I have a friend that I would consider to be my best friend. We do everything together, and almost always hang out. I would do anything for this friend, and often go out of my way for them. This includes anything from buying them dinner to considering their role in everything that I do. I have spent quite a bit of money on this person and thought that they were appreciative. The problem that I face is recently it seems like this friend is starting to lie to me.... It may seem petty, but it really hurts my feelings. The lies that have recently started range from very minor things, like exaggerating something that someone said.... Then there are the others... For example, my friend told me that they had to work all night and couldn't do anything else for the rest of the night. I wanted to play a quick video game, and was told that they were too busy to do that as well. I stopped by their room while taking a break from my own work, and they were on their way out to go shopping... this only about an hour after telling me that they were too busy. I could tell that they were caught by surprise since I stopped in, and they were on their way out. I ended up going with them to the store. Upon return they said that they had to get back to work and couldn't stop working until they went to bed. It was only later that I found out from someone else that they went out and got something to eat about an hour after going out to the store. Then when they got back, they played video games with another person for about two hours. I have read some of the classic signs of lying, and some of them seem to fit. They have a tendency to feel the need to prove to elaborate and tell me everything that they have done... excluding certain things which other people tell me. Like the whole going out to eat and then playing video games.... when I am told by them that they finished up their work. I really don't know how to read this situation. Sometimes they are my best friend and want to hang out all of the time, and other times they seem to lie to me about quite a bit of stuff. To be quite honest this really hurts me... I can't understand why they would treat me like their best friend one minute and then lie to my face the next... I have not called them out on the things that I know, but in a way I really would like to confront them. I am not sure if they treat me this way because they are trying to push me away, or if they are just looking for occasional time away from each other. I understand that we all need time away from people sometimes, but I don't like being lied to. I have told this person numerous times to be honest with me if they are not cool about something, and just say what they think. When they have done things in the past that have made me mad (not over a lie), they apologize but never say "I'm sorry." They only say "I apologize," and usually it is in an electronic form (i.e. Instant Messenger) and not face to face. I thought that we had a comfortable relationship as friends, considering it does not feel awkward to sit in a room silent and not feel the need to say something to one another. I have always found that indication tells if a person is comfortable around you or not.

I guess sometimes too much information can cause pain, when you hear things from other people..... I don't know what I should do though...

NeedToKnow wrote:I have a question that I am really not sure if the answer to... I have a friend that I would consider to be my best friend. We do everything together, and almost always hang out. I would do anything for this friend, and often go out of my way for them. This includes anything from buying them dinner to considering their role in everything that I do. I have spent quite a bit of money on this person and thought that they were appreciative. The problem that I face is recently it seems like this friend is starting to lie to me.... It may seem petty, but it really hurts my feelings. The lies that have recently started range from very minor things, like exaggerating something that someone said.... Then there are the others... For example, my friend told me that they had to work all night and couldn't do anything else for the rest of the night. I wanted to play a quick video game, and was told that they were too busy to do that as well. I stopped by their room while taking a break from my own work, and they were on their way out to go shopping... this only about an hour after telling me that they were too busy. I could tell that they were caught by surprise since I stopped in, and they were on their way out. I ended up going with them to the store. Upon return they said that they had to get back to work and couldn't stop working until they went to bed. It was only later that I found out from someone else that they went out and got something to eat about an hour after going out to the store. Then when they got back, they played video games with another person for about two hours. I have read some of the classic signs of lying, and some of them seem to fit. They have a tendency to feel the need to prove to elaborate and tell me everything that they have done... excluding certain things which other people tell me. Like the whole going out to eat and then playing video games.... when I am told by them that they finished up their work. I really don't know how to read this situation. Sometimes they are my best friend and want to hang out all of the time, and other times they seem to lie to me about quite a bit of stuff. To be quite honest this really hurts me... I can't understand why they would treat me like their best friend one minute and then lie to my face the next... I have not called them out on the things that I know, but in a way I really would like to confront them. I am not sure if they treat me this way because they are trying to push me away, or if they are just looking for occasional time away from each other. I understand that we all need time away from people sometimes, but I don't like being lied to. I have told this person numerous times to be honest with me if they are not cool about something, and just say what they think. When they have done things in the past that have made me mad (not over a lie), they apologize but never say "I'm sorry." They only say "I apologize," and usually it is in an electronic form (i.e. Instant Messenger) and not face to face. I thought that we had a comfortable relationship as friends, considering it does not feel awkward to sit in a room silent and not feel the need to say something to one another. I have always found that indication tells if a person is comfortable around you or not.

I guess sometimes too much information can cause pain, when you hear things from other people..... I don't know what I should do though...

I don't think that this is something to get worked up over. People become friends for different reasons. With each friend, you may like a specific quality they have. Based on how you're feeling, you may feel the need to be with one friend more than the other, and other times...the exact opposite.

I believe that by lying to you about his plans, he is only trying to protect you from being hurt. Tell me...assuming you had no reason to believe the person was lying, would you feel better about a broken plan if:

a) Your friend said they were called into work and couldn't make it.
b) Your friend said they would prefer to hang out with someone else that isn't you.

While you may be comfortable with having just 1 best friend, he may not feel the same. He may be seeking different things from different people. He could just like the variety. Just like in video games, you don't spend 10 hours playing Tetris. You may like tetris..and you may spend a good portion of your time playing it...you would like a break from it to play other games, and when that's done...if you really like tetris, you will want to go back and play that again.

If he really does just go on/off in terms of when he wants to hang out with you, I don't think it's a problem at all. If he was attempting to block off most of the things that you did together, then yes...there would be room for concern. At the moment, however, I think it's just your jealousy that's bothering you. I do understand that you want him to be more honest with you, and I agree that you should want that. It may not be as easy for him though. He may feel more comfortable telling a white lie, because if it works...you don't feel like you've been blown off, and he doesn't feel like he offended a friend.

Best of luck!