Boyfriend suddenly changes his mind about kids?

We've talked about it before, (a few weeks ago actually) and came to the conclusion that he wouldn't mind having a family somewhere down the road. I love him with all my heart, I know he's the one for me.
But recently we got into an argument and he was much more fierce about the subject- I was shocked. He said things like "they'll ruin my life", and "I'd rather abort them or set them up for adoption", "think of all the extra money". his language and tone was extremely insensitive. It seems he is soo close minded about it, like there's no room for the possibility. I feel so lied to since he just told me not long ago that he would be okay with having kids with me. I so desperately want kids someday, like really really badly. He knows this too. Yet he doesnt seem to care. I am so hurt by this. Any help? It would absolutely kill me to leave him, I just can't do it.
Do you think he'll eventually change his mind? he is 20 and I'm 19. I'm not planning on kids for a few more years but I still want them. he seems to not think that far ahead

Without knowing the two of you, it's really difficult to give advice.
Is he mentally ill? Are you? What are you both dealing with in this capacity?
How long have you been together?

I have moderate depression and anxiety, he's not mentally ill.
we've been together for 4 months now, which is my 2nd longest relationship.

It doesn't sound like he's close-minded to me. At 20, he understands that he's not in a good position to have kids so he's pretty on the mark when he says that "they'll ruin my life" or "think of all the extra money". He'd be well-advised to focus on his career now so that he can live semi-comfortably for the rest of his life instead of pondering having children with his still teenage girlfriend.

Do you think you're overreacting a little bit? If you're absolutely set on having children though, you could always target an older man in his 30s who might be more receptive to the idea. I think if you keep bringing up this argument with your boyfriend of 4 months, he'll break up with you eventually anyway. Honestly, I get the impression that you sort of have a childish mentality and have still have room for personal maturation, no offence.

I can see this from different angles. 1) I know I want to make sure that my partner has the same goals as me, early in a relationship, because I don't want to waste my time building a relationship with someone just to find they want a completely different lifestyle. 2) Most young men (and women) aren't thinking about children as a concrete yet.

I guess you have to decide if you want to sit back, enjoy the relationship and see where it goes or walk away. Only you can make that decision. But four months isn't very long to be dating. Focus on yourselves, college, careers, etc. When the time is right, you can start thinking about marriage and children with the right person.

He is making very legitimate points. Children leave you without much free time, spontaneity, spending money, cleanliness, luxuries, fun, etc. It sounds like he's just going about expressing himself kind of insensitively.

Everybody has the right to be in different moods at different times; everybody has a right to change his or her mind. It could be that he's aware of both the positives and the negatives of having children and is undecided.

Being 19 and in a relationship for only four months is not really time to be thinking about having kids. It is not time to have kids until both partners enthusiastically want children and can comfortably raise and afford them and parent them in a healthy way.

I've seen women get pregnant on purpose when they know their boyfriend/husband doesn't want kids (or doesn't want them yet) and it's just about the worst thing you can to do somebody. And the most selfish and disrespectful. You are changing their life forever, without their consent.

If you really feel you need someone who can commit enthusiastically to having children, look for someone who's older and has gotten his need for fun and travel and excitement out of his system and is ready to settle down. Don't drag someone into parenthood unwillingly.

He may not have been lying to you. He may have had an image in his head of well-mannered children in a clean comfortable house when he said that. Since then he may have also seen screaming, spoiled brats in an overcrowded, dirty house with not enough money and miserable parents.

Finally, remember he's just 20. Not many people want kids when they're 20. There's a lot of living to do first if you are going to be content and happy while tied to a houseful of kids later on in life. Give him time. Ask him about it when you're not fighting, and do so calmly without accusing him of lying. Sometimes men respond more openly to serious questions when you pose them in a playful manner.

Do not talk about it yet. This is too early down the road. But if those words came out of his mouth, then it’s time to have him checked.