I'm confused

Jon brings out everything messed up about my personality..

I don't know how

I've been with him for around 3 years.. and I love him

But yet.. sometimes my PTSD just gets on top of him.. and I hate it!
He says hes always there for me if I ever need to talk or something.. but I feel so selfish .. pressuring him or something.

I used to be like entirely dependant on him, unlike now. Which is an improvement.

I find it extremely difficult to get to know males that I didnt know previous to the rape.. and as I was with him at the time and he used to be quite depressed he seems to understand me.. and hes the only male I can feel truly comfortable around..

But yet.. part of being around him triggers memories.. and feelings that I used to have, and sometimes he tells me traumatic things that I can only assume were repressed. and this can't be good..

But yet.. I can't imagine not having him around..

I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to him as time goes on.. mostly through guilt.

I'm just not sure what to do..

Aren't you guys both really young? It's normal for relationships to be very fluid at your age. Also, although I think it's healthy to hold onto pre-rape relationships with supportive friends, you really aren't going to be unchanged by it, even as you recover.

Your right in that we are both really young, and I do keep telling myself to stop thinking so seriously about it when I've got all my life to be serious about relationships.


I don't think I quite understand the last bit of your post,

you really aren't going to be unchanged by it, even as you recover.

So I'm not exactly sure how to reply to it.


I can't really talk to any of my friends, they're great friends and stuff, but they're not exactly supportive. Except him anyway..


Thanks for your input