Help!! Is this true love or blind love?

Anyone please help!!

I have never been in a good relation. They all start off well but end in the relization that Im being taken advantage of. I love with my heart and sole but because of this I feel it makes me vulnerable. Because of my past, I am defensive and always on alert for people trying to take advantage of me. I start to loose focus of what's genuine or false.

I live with my boyfriend and we have been together for over a year and a half. Until about 4 months ago things were great. We're best friends, we laugh and we play. However, we are a hault. I feel I have no rights to my feeling. If I speak on something I feel he has done that makes me uncomfortable (ex-girlfriends calling the house) he finds a way to make it ok and why can't I understand there just friends.

He works alot of overtime (74hrs/wk) and goes out 2-3 times out of the week. I rarely get to spend quality time with him. I wish he would stay home, but then again it becomes, "Do you wan't me to dumb all my firends for the relationship?" He claims he needs an outlet from all the hours of work.


To add to matters, I became pregnant due to antibiotics interfering with my birth control pills. I was happy but because he has such financial difficulties I saw major disaster. Besides, he's not here for me now. The duration of the pregnancy I spent it alone and very sick. He was even going out more. I decided to terminate the pregnancy and now I've lost my mind.

My thing is that he is very clueless. We're 30 years old and he seems caught up in a young boys lifestyle, the bills, the going out, the selfishness. He is unaware of what woman go through pregnant or the turmoil of an abortion. No matter what I say he doesn't get it or want to get. Through it all he still goes out!

It has gotten to the point where I have phisically picked up a knife and tried to kill him. Im currently at my mothers beacuse I can't be around him. However, I miss him and that confuses me. Why do I still love this person? Why do I feel like Im waiting for him to get a clue and love me the way he should've from the start?

If this was any past relationship I would be gone and have no emotional ties or cares. Why am I holding on to this person who claims he loves me so much yet I don't see it anywhere. Is my love rational or just blind?

Hi, Tat,

I believe that it is 'Very' important to be comfortable speaking about your feelings with your partner. Your partner should be your emotional outlet. Helping relax you, or deal with problems that you may have. If you feel uncomfortable with him talking to his ex-girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you're fully justified in it. They could still be close friends, but nothing more than that. However, the only thing missing here is that he doesn't try to understand Why you feel that way, and apparently hasn't taken any steps to possibly ease your mind.

From what you've said, it seems like he's not ready for a serious relationship. I do have to commend him on the 74 hours he works every week, but that means nothing to your relationship. The arguement over spending time with friends vs girlfriend, or keeping in touch with an ex, are Very common. A lot of couples deal with those. And no, I don't believe he should dump his friends, and until I know more about his relationship with his ex, I can't comment on that. If it's an innocent relationship, then he should make that clear, and it will be ok. He needs to understand your feelings, and be there for you emotionally.

You mentioned that you feel as if you love him, and wonder why that is, and why you want him to love you back. That's simple. You want to know that you're worth 'it.' You want to feel like you are wanted by him to a point where he'd give up the other things in his life, just for you. Any one of us would love that. And every one of us deserves that. Based on what you've posted here, I would have to say that your love for him is simply blind love. Real love requires 2 people who feel the same way about eachother. If it's just one person who's feeling it, and is making the sacrifices, then it's simply blind love. A crush on someone who likes you, but doesn't love you...doesn't care enough to be there for you, or to make changes for you.

Again, this is based on what you've said. I don't know your exact situation there. But I believe that it is best that you're not together. You need to understand that it's not worth it to give all of your love to a man who doesn't give even half as much back.

Best of luck to you, Tat.

DrMatrix

Thank you so much for your reply. I agree with everything you said. I just needed to here it from someone else. I don't like to play the "stupid girl" within the relationship, and it's apparent I am by holding onto to these feelings.

I went into this relationship with the aspect of if this fails than this is it for me. Im so tired of my relationships ending up like this. I would have thought I would be settled down by this time in my life. It's just one dissapointment after the other. I believe by putting so much emphasis on this relationship to work I'm having a hard time letting go. Oh, but I will believe me. Now I will.

Thank you so very much,
Tat