Instability and live in boyfriend

Hi,

I am new to this forum and I was diagnosed with bipolar type II. I experience a lot of anxiety, conflicting thoughts, and I admit I obsess over the past wrongs that have been done to me.

With that being said, I've been in a relationship for 1 year and two months with a man I am madly in love with. We have been living together for six now and I am having problems with me thinking he is not interested in me when he leaves for work and I drive him insane....

I wake up sometimes thinking he will leave me and I have a constant vibe and I am not the one. He puts up with this and lately I can tell he's been getting tired. My biggest fear is losing him but he doesn't like to hear my concerns anymore. I think he might have a mental issue himself as he always gets do defensive, but I understand how he's probably just fed up. No matter how perfect things are, I always find a way to question him. I love him very much but I can't help it. I haven't been able to get meds out here because no insurance will take me and I can't afford treatment.

I think all I want now and feel as the engagement would make these feelings go away. I feel like he could leave at anytime, he gets all the benefits of marriage without the actual ties, and that he should propose since he's already told me he wants to. He says he's not afraid and we just rented another place together, but it's month to month. I just want security and I think the instability will level off. With marriage, I can also get on his insurance and be on treatment.

Please help. I don't know anyone else with my mental issue and I don't know if I am just obsessed or experiencing what a normal live in girlfriend would. He says he will propose when he has the money but I told him the ring isn't of concern, I just want him.....