Boyfriend Filing for Custody of His Daughter

My boyfriend and I have been dating since August of last year. When we started dating, as with all new relationships, things were amazing. He is literally one of the most intelligent and driven men I have ever met. He had a great sense of humor and has always treated me amazingly. Definitely one of the best men I have ever known.

He was divorced 2 years ago and his daughter has always been his number one priority. I have always respected and admired that. I have 3 sons of my own and their fathers are not the best role models, nor are they an active part of my kids lives. So I have always thought this guy was an amazing father and I really love that about him.

In the 2 years that he has been divorced, he has not let another woman around his daughter. I was the first. She is adorable, and I love her to death. Her and I get along great and there are no issues there.

A few months ago, he filed for modification of visitation. He was getting below minimum standard time with her and decided he needed to be more involved. He is a part of her school's PTA and was active in her church, until recently.

Upon filing for more visitation, he stumbled across an extensive amount of doctors records and false claims of sickness from her mother and grandmother. They are also hoarders, who live in unlivable conditions and the little girl was constantly complaining about it. He has decided to go for full custody.

Here's the issue: since filing for custody it is all he thinks about. He isn't focusing on work or anything else in his life. His business is falling apart and it shouldn't be, it was strong and stable up until he decided to do this. He isn't sleeping. All he talks about is the case. We haven't been intimate, and when I try he says he is stressed and can't and then gets mad saying I am giving him crap about it and he's sick of me bringing it up. I try to talk about other things, or suggest we go do some of the things we used to have fun doing, but he shuts down. The only time I am able to have a conversation with him, is if I talk about the case.

I am lost. I don't want to make this about me, but our relationship is dwindling. When I talk to him about him distancing himself he assures me that we are good, but this is just where his life and his mind are at right now and I need to respect that. He assures me that it will be better. I am having a hard time relating and I feel unattractive to him and lonely, even when he is with me.

I should also mention that he moved closer to his daughter before we started dating, an hour an a half away. He is there part time and down here part time. So sometimes the distance and time itself is an issue, but I have dealt with that since the beginning. It has never been a problem, because when he is here he has always been HERE, but now his mind is always there.

I care deeply for him and his daughter and I don't want to lose either one of them. I just need to know, is there anything I can do to help him be less obsessive with the case? I am craving the friendship and intimacy we had before. Do I wait it out and hope this is over quickly? I don't want to be the girl who walks away when it gets hard. I am supportive of him in this battle, I just am concerned about his 24/7 focus on it.

How can I nourish our relationship while he goes through this?

This is really tough. Your boyfriend's business and romantic relationship are suffering due to this custody battle, but at the same time this may be the best opportunity that he has to become an everyday father to his daughter while she's still young and also to take her out of a potentially unhealthy situation.

I am aware the priorities. I absolutely understand what is most important in this situation. I am worried for him. He has not been sleeping and everything around him is falling apart. I just want to know how to be supportive and help him find some peace in his life at some point in the day. He is beyond obsessed and while I know it is difficult, it is not normal at this point.