When to know when to give up.

I need advice. My husband is diagnosed with DID, BPD, and Asperger's syndrome. We have been married for three years, together for eight. The BPD + Asperger's problems were probably the worst. My husband has never been physically abusive though he has been verbally abusive at times and I do not feel as if I have ever been able to be a wife to him. Emotionally, he is a little boy, and he comes crying to me. It's like he is treating me like a mother.

As you can imagine, sex is quite awkward. He does not have enough libido for me either. I am never able to have sex unless we slip into role play, because honestly, I can no longer stand him. I wish I could. He has been trying to get better recently, he has not had a blow up in over two weeks, and it used to be about four times a week. But it was only when I threatened to leave that he actually tried to change.

I don't know what to do. I am a Christian and he has never cheated on me or been physically abusive, so I don't feel it would be right to divorce him. But I am not happy with him either. Right now I am emotionally distant from him, feeling like I need time to recover a bit if I can, as every time there has been any sort of minor change the next blowup was just around the corner. But it's been a month since I've seen him start to change and I feel that I need to give him a chance but I cannot bring myself to do it.

I told him that next blowup, I am leaving. I can't take it anymore. I just wish he would get it over and done with.

If your staying with him to avoid hell, it seems fairly pointless if it feels like hell living with him. If you are staying with him out of forgiveness then you might as live with a stranger so you can sit there and forgive them. If your staying out of pity then maybe you should seek outside help so you can find a method for him to survive on his own. If your staying out of pride, I'm pretty sure you committed a biblical mistake. If your staying because the bible tells you so, then you have not figured out that pages of wisdom were added to it day by day, and just because a page or book ends doesnt mean the truth stopped on any particular written page.
Of course, If your staying because you love him, then stay. Anything else is fairly meaningless. Do you still love him even though you can't stand him?
There is separation rather than divorce. Also, you don't have to be a mother to be someone to confide in. Sometimes you just have to be important enough to a person, sometimes you just have to be there, like this forum is there.

The problem is not that he needs to confide in me. It's daily pity parties, daily insistence that I make every decision for him, having to walk on eggshells so that he does not blow up if I bring up anything more serious than LOLcats. I am serious. That's how bad it is. He can't decide what to wear, what to eat, or what to do with his day.

Consequently, he is unemployed, as he does not have the life or social skills necessary to hold down a job.

I came to get help and guidance and nobody's answering. Gee, thanks. Like that makes me feel any better about myself.

it sounds like you have a very low opinion of your husband overall. you seem to have only unkind things to say about him. so why are you still with him?

I read some of your other posts op. it seems like it would be financially difficult for you to leave, which sucks because sometimes people need a change even if it is temporary separation. There is low income housing, you could search for it. If you have enough money for a vacation it might help. There just isn't a way for me to help you set that up so I didn't respond. .

All the low income housing in my area has a 5 year wait list. Other than that I am already in the lowest income housing in the town.