I miss my ex, can't sleep or be happy

Hello everyone,

I dated this girl in my final year of college I met one summer through a mutual friend who was dating her best friend.

We'd go out for ice cream in the evening (the four of us) and it was lots of fun.

I dated her from the summer of 2011 to May 2012 when I moved to Florida with my family. I didn't want to break up but she hurt me on purpose to end the relationship the week I was set to leave.

I wanted her to come visit when I moved to see if she wanted to follow me here when she graduated.

It ended up in March she started hanging out with this guy behind my back who she had classes with. Nothing happened but the last two weeks I was in town she spent hours with him each day and make me feel as bad as she could to get rid of me.

I ended up going home 9 days before I was supposed to leave she was being so mean and had this big confrontation with her and him while I was loading up the car.

I tried to build the bride towards her back once I left town over the next few months but once I heard through friends she was hanging with that guy so much I couldn't keep going. I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore so we thought it was best to move on.

I've gone through the grief stages up to depression and it's so hard to move on for me. I've got OCD, which i posted in the correct boards, which she helped me with so much.

I've been very sad and angry over leaving her and what she did but even through her pain she caused me I still miss her and want to hear her voice.

I cry everyday like 10 minutes sometimes and lately I dream of her every time I sleep or take naps.

I haven't made friends here in town yet so there's no nice girl here for me to get interested in. I'm worried that I'll never stop missing her.

I've got contamination issues (OCD) I'm having real trouble with right now and it's taking so much of my energy to handle that but missing her is something I experience every day.

I'd like nothing more than to forgive what she did to me and see her sometime even though i know that can't happen.

I'm sorry this is so long but I thank you for reading it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You are very self-aware to know of the grief process and what stage you are in.

What I have realized with relationships during my 40 years is that when one ends, it has to end cold-turkey. Trying to still talk, or be a part of one's life, or be "friends" never works out, and prolongs the agony for the person who is still attached. It's not possible to have romantic feelings for a person, then switch them off to have a platonic relationship because the other person has decided to date someone else.......if feelings could be controlled like that, then none of us would depression, anxiety, OCD, etc.

I'd wager it's not your ex that you miss, but simply the idea of having a romantic partner to go on double dates with. You don't want to risk rejection to ask out a new girl -- you want the safety of the acceptance you received in the former relationship. Everyone suffers from the fear of rejection to some degree......it's perfectly natural.

What helped me get back in the dating scene after a soured 14 year marriage, was online dating sites. You probably won't meet anyone worth getting into a serious relationship with on these sites, but you get to go on dates with different people and practice your social skills on women who are actively seeking to date someone. Maybe you would feel better if you shifted your focus from thinking of your ex to thinking how you could meet someone new and where you could take them on the first date? Just avoid movie theaters at all cost -- not conducive for getting to know someone new. Good luck!

I'd like to thank you for your post, you seem to really know what you're talking about. I'm sure I could move on by finding a new girl to go places with.

I'm living outside of town right now and don't have a car so that's what is mostly hindering me right now, but I'm hoping to buy one soon.

I'm living in central Florida so there is so much to do here and I would have no issue having fun dates.

I've got to remember that the girl I dated moved on, she tried to date the guy she left me for but he secretly had a girlfriend the whole time which came out months later and really upset my ex.

I've been told that it's not fair to me she moved on, but I still let my life be ruined by obsessing over someone who likely doesn't think of me now.

I've tried to online dating before on some free site but nobody ever writes me back that is serious. Maybe if I got some pointers on making a profile I'd be more into it.

Thank you for your post!