Driving my Wife away.

I am a mid thirties guy, who has had many female partners. Had multiple affairs. My name is John, I've been married going on 8 yrs now. I cheated on my wife multiple times, the last time was 2006. I am a compulsive liar, I think I have control on the lying, but I've have more years lying than telling the truth. I'm really looking for some insight to my problem. I was committed once before, I was engaged and set to marry my fiance that I had been with since the age of 13-14, only to catch her in bed with another man, which to find out I was the other man. How did I not know? Well I was in the military stationed thousand miles away. Came home on a surprise visit. Torn, I vowed to never trust a female again. I would then have many girlfriends that I would lie to each of them, one of those girlfriends was my Wife. I just thought by keeping them all a distance I could never be hurt again. So, years later me and My Wife got married, which I know I was wrong for, due to all my baggage she didn't know about at the time. Out of all the girls I knew she was the best one, and didn't want her to get away, and yes I did and still do love her. But I still didn't, and don't trust her. Moving on, I had many affairs that she found out about, she decided to stay and make this work. Now here is my problem. Knowing that she decided to stay, I have a trust issue with her; weird should be the other way around. I snoop through her emails, phone records, and other things. I treat her as if she was the one who did what I did. I constantly do this because I feel its going to happen to me, and I'm doing everything to find the signs before it do. She is a very honest person, tells me everything, but some how I can't get that in my head that its enough. I am now pushing her away with these problems. I have did some of the most unthinkable and disrespectful things you could do to any person, and at the end of the day I tell her she needs to forget about all that and lets move forward. I get upset when she says she doesn't trust me and wants to take it slow. Its hard for it to soak in that my track history isn't something you want to move forward with so quickly. I really need help in being patient with her, taking responsibility of my actions, working out my insecurities, and trusting her. I don't want to lose my Wife, but the problems that I've created and the things that I'm doing are pushing her away. I don't like the person I am, nor want to be this person, but I'm afraid of what I done to her and others being done to me. I know taking responsibility is the first step. To answer a few questions I have not cheated since 06, I just recently got a hold on the lying. To sum it up I was afraid of showing her who I really am, and painting a picture of a person I wasn't. I come here for advice and I'm open to all this forum has to offer.

You answered many of your own questions here

I just thought by keeping them all a distance I could never be hurt again.

It sounds as if through all of your behaviour, the affairs, and the lack of trust towards your wife, could have arisen as a result of your original experience of being hurt, which has shaken you to the core, affected your sense of security and stability and in order to compensate, you have kept women at arm's length, and that you are so scared of your wife cheating and feeling powerless again, that you've resorted to controlling and almost paranoid behaviour.

Please seek therapy, which will help you to make some sense of your feelings, to find a sense of resolution, to improve your self esteem, and to help you to find the type of security that comes from within, and is not dependent upon others.

Seeking a therapist will give you a different perspective on what you're doing, and it takes a couple of sessions for it to really work.
From what I read, you are projecting your insecurities on your wife. Usually the cheater in the relationship is the paranoid one.
Please do not cheat on your wife again..she is NOT the ex that cheated on you.
You are full of guilt and talking to someone (professional therapist), you can let out all the skeletons out your closet without being judged.
Good luck

Thanks for the response. I have sought out help, it's only been one session. From what you all have mention is what my therapist has said. Will keep you posted.