Massively Controlling GF Ruined me

Hey guys, this could get long but would like some support or words of wisdom. Im 27 and shes 28 now.

So October 2011 I got with this girl. She seemed really nice and all started off well.

I had absolutely no idea how much she could ruin my life though.

She lives in a town about 200 miles away so there was distance in the relationship.

In general she is a nice girl, but I saw the relationship side of her. Sadly to anyone else she comes across as this nice girl.

Anyway. When things started it was all going well. Then after a few months she became massively controlling. If I didnt send enough kisses in a text message to her there would be arguments. If I replied to her on my facebook wall with not enough kisses, she would phone me and demand I delete the message and write it again with more kisses. She demanded to phone me every night.

It got to a point where I was innocently replying to messages from old female friends of mine who are now married, have kids or are in relationships. This girl was here 1 day and when I went to toilet she browsed through my FB inbox and confronted me (she always denied she looked and claimed I left it open which I didnt). She had a right go at me and from then on demanded I never spoke to any women whatsoever and if they try and contact me, i'm to delete their message and tell her without replying.

If I didnt have money to see her 1 weekend she would break down in tears on the phone and have a go at me.

In April 2011 I had enough, I ended it. But she constantly phoned, text, and even called the home phone trying to get hold of me. She even went as far as to say she would deliberately crash her car. Guilt got the better of me and I took her back.

In June 2011 She dropped a bombshell... Shes pregnant. Im in no doubt she came off the pill intentionally, thinking a baby would tie me to her forever.

The ultimatums she then gave were harsh. Leave my friends and family and live with her or im never to have anything to do with her or the baby. I told her I cant leave my friends and family yet... she ended it.

Then she came crawling back a few days later saying I dont have to but by then I was sick of it. I ended it for good.

We started talking responsibly via MSN. She was clearly trying to get me back. She told me I had to tell my mum before the baby was born or she would... I said I would but a week later she txt my mum and told her (probably knowing it would cause trouble).

I found someone else a few months after (2 months before the baby was born). I told her and she just said how much she hates me and im never seeing the baby (especially as she doesnt want my girlfriend anywhere near the child). I was never put on the birth certificate.

A few weeks before the baby was born. I had all sorts of abuse. Her friends sending nasty messages to my girlfriend at the time and to me. It was lies. Obviously what this girl had told them.

1 message I only just read this evening, off her friend was very abusive. Saying how much of a waste of space I am, how she did the right thing by walking out on me and never letting me see the baby. I mean what the hell? I wasnt the person in the wrong and I left her, not the other way round.

The abuse put massive strain on the relationship after this controlling girl. The girl I was with kept being sent messages, not just nasty 1's but messages saying that I am a waste of space, a user, and eventually I got dumped. She was the girl I truly loved, but I guess all the stuff this ex had told her friends and family was believable to them as they only see the non relationship, nice side of her. Thus they all hate me and believed they were telling my girlfriend what I was like as well as stiring trouble.

After the relationship ended I messaged the controlling girl, asking how the kids was, who told me "people think your a waste of space, we all hate you, do us all a favor and jump off a cliff, you will never see your child until she is 16 and can decide for herself".

What makes it worse as shes nice as pie to my mum and carries on texting her. My mum constantly appologises for me and sends the child birthday and xmas presents off us both (She doubts this girl treated me like that, and the way its been twisted, even my own mother believes im in the wrong).

Its always going to be problematic for me with this girl. Whenever I get a new girlfriend, her and her friends are always going to find out and cause the trouble over again. In fact I really dont want to see the kid now.

Firstly because of how badly things have ruined my life because of it. Because im public enemy number 1 in her town when I havent done anything wrong (no doubt if I try to see the kid, they will all do anything they can to make sure I cant have access) and because I know the mother is always going to be this horrid because she knows she isnt with me

I think for the first time I understand why, on the Maury show, the men accused of being the father sometimes go on stage with their girlfriends and the girlfriends are furious and lash out at the accuser.

Honestly, you don't even know if you're that baby's paternal father not that it matters much since she's not allowing you to visit the child anyway. She's probably going to fill the kid's head with lies about how much of a dirtbag her father is or that he didn't want to see her and the kid will believe her because children tend to trust their parents.

If your mother ever brings up your ex-girlfriend and criticizes you for abandoning your "child", then the best thing I believe you can do is calmly explain to her all the things that you've explained in your post. If she doesn't believe you and brings it up again, then calmly explain it from start to finish again. Do this every time and eventually it may finally dawn on her that there may be sides to the story and that you might not in the wrong in this case. Hearing it over and over again might do this for her or at least discourage her from bringing it up in the future.

If your mother ever brings up your ex-girlfriend and criticizes you for abandoning your "child", then the best thing I believe you can do is calmly explain to her all the things that you've explained in your post. If she doesn't believe you and brings it up again, then calmly explain it from start to finish again. Do this every time and eventually it may finally dawn on her that there may be sides to the story and that you might not in the wrong in this case.

You should do it calmly because you're a man and men, in my opinion, shouldn't yell and scream. Men should listen, speak calmly, and use reason and in return they get respect. You're a man so you don't need to emulate women. Your mother and ex are women so they'll act like women, but you should emulate respectable men.

First thing is to get a paternity test done. On the basis that she is a habitual liar, there is no reason to assume she told you the truth about the child. I don't know which country you live in, but in some countries it is possible to apply to the courts to get one done. She won't be able to refuse that.

Secondly, you need to start keeping a record of her behaviour in case this gets even worse and the police and the courts become involved. Next time you meet her (if you do) I suggest having a pocket voice recorder on you.